theinstigator's definitions

the Hindenburg

When one has had so much sex that their cock is rubbed raw but they have sex again anyway and it burns like a motherfucker and just as they reach a climax and cum they yell, “Oh the humanity!”

“Sorry, Betty. We need to slow down. That last fuck was the Hindenburg for me. My dick is a disaster.”

by theinstigator June 3, 2016

Va-jay-jay Sweater

A hairy pussy, usually one that is thick and matted over like those heavy holiday sweaters with tangled pubes like they’ve been woven by Amish elves. Yeah, imagine trying to fuck that!

Dolph: Damn, bro. I just had my hand down Frita's pants!

Gregor: Score, dude!

Dolph: Not so fast, Holmes. I couldn't even get my fingers in her pussy.

Gregor: Seriously? Was she fightin' it?

Dolph: Naw, man. Her hair down there was impenetrable.

Gregor: Whoa.

Dolph: Yeah, bud. It was like she had a va-jay-jay sweater

by theinstigator October 18, 2016

cunnilinquint

one who reneges (backs out) on a promise he will go down on a woman (perform
cunnilingus, eat pussy.) This type of person is highly scorned by females.

Helen: So how was the date with Ted?
Janice: Could have went better. He told me he'd go down on me if I gave him a
blowjob first. But as soon as I did, he- all of a sudden- had to leave.
Helen: You need to drop his ass. He's a cunnilinquint!

by theinstigator January 16, 2014

orgasmic event

When someone has an orgasm so intense it is a life-changer. In a 1999 field study of 125 people who had experienced a climax of this magnitude, 15 died of heart attacks during the orgasm, 32 swore a lifetime of devotion to their lover, 43 swore a lifetime of devotion to their hand, 23 committed suicide convinced they had experienced the ultimate thrill life could give them, 11 began touring as motivational speakers, and one decided he was going to watch the Britney Spears video "Baby, One More Time" one more time to see if he could replicate his orgasmic event. Less than a minute into the video he had a seizure and died en route to the hospital.

(from "My Date With Giganti Tongue") ...her heart skipped, she held her breathe, THERE, oh my. She felt her soul fluttering from her body in ecstasy. Her limbs shuddered and she rode the orgasm like James Bond rode the tidal wave caused by the collapsed iceberg in the one where Halle Berry wore a bikini but was trapped in that igloo by the mad Korean. Hummingbirds peppered her heart with kisses and she felt higher than Cheech and Chong at a Grateful Dead concert in a jet flying over Mount Everest. And then, as the orgasmic event slowly subsided, there was that ultimate moment of clarity when suddenly she felt she could prove Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a load of horseshit.

by theinstigator January 13, 2014

titiot savant

a person of below average intelligence who possesses a sixth sense about women's breasts, often knowing specific personal details about them with a single glance at a fully clothed woman. In a 1987 Michigan State University study, one tidiot savant with an IQ of 83 was tested by looking at pictures of just the faces of the 50 Miss America contestants. He was able to give the exact breast size of 96% of the women, incorrectly guessing only Miss Alaska and Miss Hawaii, but was correct on all 48 contiguous states.

Jim: Why did you bring Nate along with us to the bar? He's such a doof.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.

by theinstigator December 15, 2013

Human Puppet Show

Having one’s right hand in one person’s ass and the left hand in another person’s ass and hitting the right nerves to force them into a humorous conversation preferably to entertain others. A young Marquis de Sade used to practice this at dinner parties in Paris much to the delight of his sexually deviant party guests. It is speculated that this is where the term “talking out of one’s ass” was derived from.

A large balding man is slouched over with his pants down to his knees and next to him is a young maiden of twenty-one years of age who is on her hands and knees with the bottom of her dress pulled up to her waist. The one and only Marquis de Sade is positioned behind the two, a hand buried in each ass.

Jacques, the butler: Ladies and gentlemen, the Human Puppet Show!

(Thunderous applause)

Maiden: Ohh, ahhhhh, Knock, Knock!

Balding man: Hmmph! Uhhn. Who…the …Fuuuck…ahhh…is there!?

Maiden: Eeeh! Ohh! ANITA!!!

Balding man: Ohhyeeooww! Anita fucking who!!??

Maiden: Uhhhmp…Ohhh! Anita fucking dick in me!

Laughter abounds from the crowd!

by theinstigator October 18, 2016

data transfer

Delivering sperm cells into another person's body through ejaculation.

Dr. Viktrov, the scientist: (unzipping his pants) Do you know, Natasia, a single sperm contains about 37.5 mb of DNA information? This means that the average male ejaculate would represent a data transfer of approximately 1,587 gb in about 3 seconds.

Natasia, the lab assistant: (kneeling and taking the chewing gum from her mouth and sticking it to the bottom of the table) That's a lot of information to swallow, Doctor!

by theinstigator March 13, 2014