orgasmic event

When someone has an orgasm so intense it is a life-changer. In a 1999 field study of 125 people who had experienced a climax of this magnitude, 15 died of heart attacks during the orgasm, 32 swore a lifetime of devotion to their lover, 43 swore a lifetime of devotion to their hand, 23 committed suicide convinced they had experienced the ultimate thrill life could give them, 11 began touring as motivational speakers, and one decided he was going to watch the Britney Spears video "Baby, One More Time" one more time to see if he could replicate his orgasmic event. Less than a minute into the video he had a seizure and died en route to the hospital.

(from "My Date With Giganti Tongue") ...her heart skipped, she held her breathe, THERE, oh my. She felt her soul fluttering from her body in ecstasy. Her limbs shuddered and she rode the orgasm like James Bond rode the tidal wave caused by the collapsed iceberg in the one where Halle Berry wore a bikini but was trapped in that igloo by the mad Korean. Hummingbirds peppered her heart with kisses and she felt higher than Cheech and Chong at a Grateful Dead concert in a jet flying over Mount Everest. And then, as the orgasmic event slowly subsided, there was that ultimate moment of clarity when suddenly she felt she could prove Einstein's Theory of Relativity was a load of horseshit.

by theinstigator January 13, 2014

Ghost of Houdini

When a man is lying in bed on his back and he gets a hard-on, it rises beneath the sheets appearing as a ghostly figure in the morning light. True to the spirit of Houdini, the ghostly erection is likely to disappear soon after it arrives, possibly into the woman beside him.

Jane: Baby, look at the sheet near your crotch!
Kevin: Shh, baby. It's the ghost of Houdini.
Jane: Really? Is he friendly?
Kevin: Oh yeah. I think he wants a kiss.
Jane: Okay.

by theinstigator September 22, 2016

Hot dog with mustard, hold the ketchup

When a guy is receiving a blowjob from his girl and as she attempts to deep throat him she suddenly sneezes so violently she ejects from her nose a yellowish snot trail all over his majestic manhood plus she accidentally bites his magnificent va-jay-jay impaler but it doesn’t quite draw blood.

Thanks to her allergies and missing teeth, Belinda created a hot dog with mustard, hold the ketchup situation last night on her date with Homer.

by theinstigator June 03, 2016

Weiner Worthy

Being desirable enough to stick one's penis in. A woman worth wetting one's willie in. A gal who a guy would want to fuck.

Nicole worried that by the time she was in her late 40's that she would no longer be weiner worthy.

by theinstigator October 01, 2016

Human Puppet Show

Having one’s right hand in one person’s ass and the left hand in another person’s ass and hitting the right nerves to force them into a humorous conversation preferably to entertain others. A young Marquis de Sade used to practice this at dinner parties in Paris much to the delight of his sexually deviant party guests. It is speculated that this is where the term “talking out of one’s ass” was derived from.

A large balding man is slouched over with his pants down to his knees and next to him is a young maiden of twenty-one years of age who is on her hands and knees with the bottom of her dress pulled up to her waist. The one and only Marquis de Sade is positioned behind the two, a hand buried in each ass.

Jacques, the butler: Ladies and gentlemen, the Human Puppet Show!

(Thunderous applause)

Maiden: Ohh, ahhhhh, Knock, Knock!

Balding man: Hmmph! Uhhn. Who…the …Fuuuck…ahhh…is there!?

Maiden: Eeeh! Ohh! ANITA!!!

Balding man: Ohhyeeooww! Anita fucking who!!??

Maiden: Uhhhmp…Ohhh! Anita fucking dick in me!

Laughter abounds from the crowd!

by theinstigator October 18, 2016

Detroit Burrito

A shit taken in someone's car usually in an act of revenge or defiance. Often left as a message in a poorly parked car.

Terrell played lookout while Juan took a shit the size of an axe handle in the back seat of Benny's Cadillac. When Juan finished Terrell looked in and said, "Mutha fuck! That is one big ass Detroit Burrito!"
They laughed as they left and Juan turned back one last time and yelled, "Welcome to Dee-fuckin-troit, bitch!"

by theinstigator October 02, 2016

Va-jay-jay Sweater

A hairy pussy, usually one that is thick and matted over like those heavy holiday sweaters with tangled pubes like they’ve been woven by Amish elves. Yeah, imagine trying to fuck that!

Dolph: Damn, bro. I just had my hand down Frita's pants!

Gregor: Score, dude!

Dolph: Not so fast, Holmes. I couldn't even get my fingers in her pussy.

Gregor: Seriously? Was she fightin' it?

Dolph: Naw, man. Her hair down there was impenetrable.

Gregor: Whoa.

Dolph: Yeah, bud. It was like she had a va-jay-jay sweater

by theinstigator October 18, 2016