Definitions by theinstigator
gnu world order
the state a man is in after a totally messed up role-play session with a woman where he dresses up like a lion and she as a gnu or wildebeest. After their sexual game is taken outside, he loses track of her and finally notices the "wounded" wildebeest "struggling" beneath a tree. He stalks then pounces, gnawing playfully on the neck and back. Then he begins to have sex with the "helpless animal" until he ultimately climaxes and the "gnu" becomes completely motionless. Then he looks up and there- in costume- is his partner, aghast. It is then that he realizes he has just humped an actual wounded wildebeest and the last thing it felt before it died was his own shimmering orgasm. His woman calls him a sick fuck and tells everyone she knows. He is shunned from society, while she- in her wildebeest costume- is treated like the gnu girl in town. She becomes a celebrity and is welcomed everywhere, which really sucks because she is the one who suggested the role-play idea in the first place. But that is the gnu world order.
Jules always asks for three words of English from any dead wildebeest before he has sex with it. He doesn't want any part of the gnu world order.
gnu world order by theinstigator January 1, 2014
glaze goatee
the residue left on one's face after performing a nice sloppy job of cunnilingus. The "glaze" would be all across and above the upper lip, down the edges of the mouth and completely covering the whole front of the chin.
After Delilah had her orgasm, Fred lifted his mouth from between her legs. She raised her head from the pillow and saw he was grinning at her. She smiled with satisfaction and found it quite charming how his glaze goatee glistened in the candlelight.
glaze goatee by theinstigator December 30, 2013
ponytail
a woman's hair arranged at the back of her head, held together with a band and to be used by a man as a handle while receiving oral sex from a willing female.
A straight ponytail is grasped near the base in a male's fist, medium grip. This allows nice control of the female's head, but is limiting due to awkward bending of the male's wrist. It is a carpal tunnel syndrome hazard for men who receive a high volume of blowjobs. The height of the ponytail on the back of the woman's head can be adjusted for better torque.
Another type of ponytail is the balled ponytail. The straight ponytail is simply folded under itself and tucked back into the band, resembling a ball of hair. Grasped with an open palm, the fingers should meet at the band, thus the "ball" is contained in the man's hand. Called the "palm sander" grip, it allows full control of the woman's head with no wrist strain.
A third type of ponytail is the double ponytail. Two tails are formed toward the rear left and right sides of the female's head. A favorite among bikers as each tail can be grasped by a separate hand. The willing lady's head is steered like a motorcycle.
Caution: though clearly sexual stimuli for men, it is important for men to remember women do not always view it in the same context. Women often use ponytails just to keep hair out of their faces. The confused male should never just assume when a woman's hair is in a ponytail her head is ready for mounting. He should always ask first.
A straight ponytail is grasped near the base in a male's fist, medium grip. This allows nice control of the female's head, but is limiting due to awkward bending of the male's wrist. It is a carpal tunnel syndrome hazard for men who receive a high volume of blowjobs. The height of the ponytail on the back of the woman's head can be adjusted for better torque.
Another type of ponytail is the balled ponytail. The straight ponytail is simply folded under itself and tucked back into the band, resembling a ball of hair. Grasped with an open palm, the fingers should meet at the band, thus the "ball" is contained in the man's hand. Called the "palm sander" grip, it allows full control of the woman's head with no wrist strain.
A third type of ponytail is the double ponytail. Two tails are formed toward the rear left and right sides of the female's head. A favorite among bikers as each tail can be grasped by a separate hand. The willing lady's head is steered like a motorcycle.
Caution: though clearly sexual stimuli for men, it is important for men to remember women do not always view it in the same context. Women often use ponytails just to keep hair out of their faces. The confused male should never just assume when a woman's hair is in a ponytail her head is ready for mounting. He should always ask first.
Greg: Hey, Betsy, I noticed from the water cooler you put your hair into a ponytail. Would you like to give me a blowjob?
Betsy: Fuck off, Dickwad!
Greg: Oh. Okay, maybe later, then.
Betsy: Fuck off, Dickwad!
Greg: Oh. Okay, maybe later, then.
ponytail by theinstigator December 18, 2013
wedge word
a word that is formed when a woman is wearing pants with writing across the rear and the pants get wedged into her ass crack creating an entirely different word due to the inability to see letters that are concealed by said ass crack. Generally this occurs when the pants are a bit too loose.
Gerald: What's so funny, Jack?
Jack: That big-assed girl, Jennie, has been walking around with the word "Lonk" on her ass.
Gerald: What the hell is Lonk?
Jack: All morning I'd been trying to figure that out. Then she farted and her pants inflated and then I could see it read "Love Pink."
Gerald: Oh, Lonk is a wedge word.
Jack: That big-assed girl, Jennie, has been walking around with the word "Lonk" on her ass.
Gerald: What the hell is Lonk?
Jack: All morning I'd been trying to figure that out. Then she farted and her pants inflated and then I could see it read "Love Pink."
Gerald: Oh, Lonk is a wedge word.
wedge word by theinstigator December 15, 2013
fart parachute
Harry: Will you look at that.
Greg: What? Mary?
Harry: Yeah. She's way too large to be wearing yoga pants. And even as big as she is, the pants look kinda baggy.
Greg: Whoa! What the hell happened?
Harry: Hah! She farted!
Greg: Her pants inflated! That's incredible!
Harry: That, my friend, was a fart parachute.
Greg: What? Mary?
Harry: Yeah. She's way too large to be wearing yoga pants. And even as big as she is, the pants look kinda baggy.
Greg: Whoa! What the hell happened?
Harry: Hah! She farted!
Greg: Her pants inflated! That's incredible!
Harry: That, my friend, was a fart parachute.
fart parachute by theinstigator December 15, 2013
titiot savant
a person of below average intelligence who possesses a sixth sense about women's breasts, often knowing specific personal details about them with a single glance at a fully clothed woman. In a 1987 Michigan State University study, one tidiot savant with an IQ of 83 was tested by looking at pictures of just the faces of the 50 Miss America contestants. He was able to give the exact breast size of 96% of the women, incorrectly guessing only Miss Alaska and Miss Hawaii, but was correct on all 48 contiguous states.
Jim: Why did you bring Nate along with us to the bar? He's such a doof.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.
Dave: Hey, man. Be cool. You'll see.
Nate: Ooohh. Ooohh.
Dave: What is it, little buddy?
Nate: At the door, brunette, natural 36C's, left one slightly larger than the right, not much, top hat nipples, medium areolas- again, left slightly larger, but just a tad.
Jim: She's smokin'!
--the next day--
Jim: Hey, Dave. That dumbass Nate was dead on about that chick's boobs. I had sex with her last night.
Dave: Damn right, he was dead on. That's because he's a titiot savant.
titiot savant by theinstigator December 15, 2013
spinal adjustment
when a man spreads a woman's legs, pins them back and fucks her so hard her back cracks. This custom became so popular in the early 1980's that some enthusiasts would have spinal adjustment parties and couples would simultaneously engage in this form of boning. The combined sound of all the cracking spines gave the aural illusion of crickets chirping. The practice didn't quite reach "fad" status, though, as it really didn't sound that close to crickets chirping and it was only interesting to the bystander for a few quick moments. Eventually, the party idea died out and currently spinal adjustments are practiced in the privacy of one's home. This has been known to save dozens of dollars in chiropractor bills, cutting health costs by 0.00001%, though statistics have only been kept since Valentines Day, 2012.
Harold: Hey, Fred, what's with Steph?
Fred: Fucked her so hard last night, I gave her a spinal adjustment.
Harold: Oh, okay. That's awesome. The way she was walking, I thought she had some kind of pussy rash.
Fred: No, it was great. Had her up to five pops. Got four more on the last thrust. Adjusted!!! (high fives)
Fred: Fucked her so hard last night, I gave her a spinal adjustment.
Harold: Oh, okay. That's awesome. The way she was walking, I thought she had some kind of pussy rash.
Fred: No, it was great. Had her up to five pops. Got four more on the last thrust. Adjusted!!! (high fives)
spinal adjustment by theinstigator December 13, 2013