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Definitions by telephony

How a lamer might spell the word, "lamers"
{Seen in the scroll text of an Abyss demo on the Commodore 64 computer in the late-1980s}:

A ? TO EVERYONE: ONLY A FAGGOT WOULD REPLACE THE "S" WITH THE "Z" .. EX. WARES AND WAREZ. LAMERS AND LAMERZ. WHAT IS YOUR GUY'S GAY INCEST WITH THE "Z" KEY?
lamerz by Telephony June 5, 2015
Simply put: the acronym for Soggy Toliet Paper.
It is *** NOT*** the motor oil additive that makes your car motor run better!
Don't use that end stall!!! It has STP in it!!!
STP by Telephony June 1, 2015

You bet your sweet patootie 

It means the same as the phrases, "you bet your ass" and, "you bet your dick and balls".
That is, you're absolutely, positively, 100% certain about the final outcome of a situation.
{Seen on a website about flashlights, LEDs, and lasers}:
I tried to cut through the outer casing to bare metal with the blade of a Swiss army knife, and with some minor difficulty, I was able to do so. This shows the unit has a Type II anodized finish to it (...)
Would I really cut up a brand spanken new $450.00 laser? You bet your sweet patootie I would, if it's in the name of science.
What some people refer to the toy company, "Air Hogs" as.
Most excellent flight of my Air Pigs Hawk Eye Blue Sky R/C Airplane with Onboard Camera 05-20-15 (2)

Flight took place over the parking lot of the now-defunct Red Apple Grocery (just across the street from the Quick-E-Mart; now a business known as Shelton Outfitters) near the intersection of Cascade Ave. and Olympic Hwy. N. in Shelton WA. USA on the morning of 05-20-15 (or, "2015 20 May" or even, "May 20, Twenty Stick-Bent-Stick" if you prefer).

Weather conditions at flight time were cloudy, temperature of 52°F (11.1°C), and winds reported as calm with actual observations showing winds gusting out of the SW to 1mph (0.865kts, 1.61kph).

The asshat (***NOT*** assbonnet!!!) in the black shorts, black Metallica shirt, & unzipped blue jacket is the pilot -- me of course. ;-)
Air Pigs by Telephony May 26, 2015
A bar whose entire (or almost entire) clientele consists of homosexuals.
Synonymous with gay bar only more vulgar.
Drake and Josh went to that fag bar in Vegas -- Gipsy I think it was called before Jon Taffer and his Bar Rescue crew went there and fixed it.
fag bar by Telephony May 19, 2015

Open Mike 

A rather unfortunately common misspelling of the phrase, "open mic" which is an event staged by bars & nightclubs allow ordinary people to go onstage and sing, tell dirty jokes, or spout off a bountifully overflowing cornucopia of toilet tongue just to try and liven up an otherwise dull house.

Seen in printed material only (such as a sign in a window); as "open mike" and, "open mic" are pronounced exactly the same.
MAY 31 OPEN MIKE FROM 7 TO 11
Open Mike by Telephony May 15, 2015

Tolietty Money 

What you might call the rock legend, "Johnny Cash"

John is another name for a toliet, and cash is another name for money.
We're going to see Tolietty Money perform at the Gorge Amphitheatre this evening. Wanna join us?
Tolietty Money by Telephony May 14, 2015