stormsworder's definitions
Quite possibly the most boring, aimless, pointless individual ever to be elected leader of any British political party. His becoming leader of the Conservatives led to there being, for the first time in history, no waxwork made of the official leader of the opposition. Apparently they agreed he was a total non-entity and couldn't be bothered to make a waxwork of him. I read somewhere a cardboard cut-out of IDS was made. It probably had more charisma than he did.
by StormSworder August 15, 2006
Get the idsmug. A politician in the UK's Conservative party. When he was Home Secretary he was frowned on for locking a lot of people up. However, when the Blair governmnent released them all again, people realised maybe the general public were safer whilst violent criminals were behind bars. Howard was the victim of the lookist spin-doctor culture who used the "something of the night about him" comment to great effect. He became leader of the opposition when the Tories suddenly realised they had forgotten to elect a new leader after their 2001 defeat, and lasted almonst a fortnight (which is quite good by modern Tory standards).
"Why would anyone bother boting for Michael Howard the vampire? We've already got the New Labour bloodsuckers, after all".
by Stormsworder October 20, 2007
Get the michael howardmug. An unidentified animal living in Loch Ness, the largest body of fresh water in Britain. It first came to the attention of the general public in the thirties when a London surgeon R.K.Wilson took a photo of what looked like the head-and-neck of a dinosaur-like creature. What with The Lost World and RKO's King Kong in the cinema, there was an explosion in public interest. The monster's image, however, was to be forever tainted by the pantomime which followed, in which a game big hunter called Wetherall came to Loch Ness and discovered footprints on the shore. The tracks turned out to have been made by a hippo foot, which was some kind of ashtray or other keepsake. What kind of a big game hunter couldn't work out that they were all hippo tracks made by the same foot I don't know, but he left Loch Ness. In 1994 the now-famous surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake, a model on a toy submarine made by Wetherall - revenge on the world that mocked him. Over the years there have been a number of photos and films of unidentified creatures in Loch Ness. Some have been proved as fakes (to be honest, I wasn't surprised when the surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake. I'd always thought there was something odd about it). But there is still strong film evidence and a lot of eye-witness evidence to support the existence of a long-necked animal of some kind. Modern scientists often dismiss eye-witness evidence as non-evidence. I'm glad they're not running the judicial system, otherwise they'd have every prisoner released. What doesn't help is a decidedly vulgar merchandising industry which has turned the monster into nothing more than a theme park attraction. The official Loch Ness exhibition centre now officially doesn't believe in Nessie anyway. Their cinema now shows visitors a film telling of all the reasons why Nessie is a hoax, accompanied by silly music. You leave the cinema at the end of the film and are then confronted by a shop selling plush Nessies, Nessie mugs, china Nessies, Nessies with tartan hats and endless other over-priced junk. Personally I'm sure there were unidentified animals in Loch Ness until recent years. I think, what with their proven sensitivity to noise, and what with Loch Ness now covered in countless noisy boats of every shape and form, that whatever was in the Loch has either died out or returned to the sea never to return. Either way, I think it's better for the welfare of these creatures that their existence is never proved.
Newsflash, 3/4/2011:
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.
by StormSworder August 16, 2006
Get the loch ness monstermug. Brazilian wandering spider is the name used to describe any spider of the genus phoneutria. There are five in total, and they are large hairy spindly-looking spiders with leg-spans which can reach up to 5 inches or more. Two pairs of their eight eyes are large, and they do not make webs, instead go hunting for prey. This can cause problems, as they have the most active venom of any living spiders. One of their number, the Brazilian Huntsman, is thought to be the most venomous spider in the world. Brazilian wandering spiders are certainly dangerous, bite more people than any other spiders. They are fast-moving, their legs are strong and spiny and they have destinctive red jaws which they display when angered. These spiders are quite capable of jumping onto a broom used to fend them off, can also leap out of banana bunches carried over the shoulder and bite whoever is carrying the fruit. One species, the Brazilian Armed Spider, is quite amazingly aggressive and has the largest venom glands of any spider. Since the introduction of anti-toxins, there have been few recorded fatalities, and finding one of these spiders in imported fruit is unlikely what with modern safety precautions. the name Brazilian wandering spider is actually inaccurate, as these spiders are found all over South America.
It's worth pointing out that a Brazilian wandering spider is not a tarantula. They're not even in the same family group. Tarantulas are harmless to humans, are mostly ambush killers who wait for prey to come to them. Brazilian wandering spiders are active hunters. Brazilian wandering spiders and tarantulas do have one thing in common, however. They don't eat bananas. I'm quite amazed people think this is the case.
by StormSworder August 16, 2006
Get the brazilian wandering spidermug. An attempt to create a 'comic relief' character which backfired badly, turning the Star Wars film Phantom Menace into little more than a cross between a farce and a special-effects laden episode of Love Thy Neighbour. Binks is an alien who, for reasons I'm sure won't be apparent to anyone but all-seeing higher beings, talks like a dated black stereotype. Ah, but C3P0 and R2-D2 were comical characters, the fanboys point out. Yes, but they actually served some function in A New Hope, and if they're comic characters then why do we need yet another 'comic' character.
Jar Jar Binks, just one of the many things wrong with a film with was nothing really more than one long advert for toys, video games, happy meals and various other tat. But it's still worth mentioning that Jar Jar Binks is a shit creation and a total wanker.
by Stormsworder August 2, 2007
Get the Jar Jar Binksmug. by Stormsworder October 22, 2006
Get the post boxmug. This is basically what happens in a number of situations involving a Daddy's Little Girl.
1: The girl's boyfriend may have got her pregnant, and maybe shunned responsibility.
2: The girl may have finished with her boyfriend but he isn't getting the message.
3: The father is over-protective and has found out some boy has so much as looked at his little girl.
What the revenge involves will depend on what Daddy is like. The lad who has wronged his daughter in whatever way could end up with a thrashing, an appearance in court, a shotgun up the nose, or forced into a marriage that wily little minx has planned all along (you didn't really believe her when she said she was safe for a few days, did you?)
1: The girl's boyfriend may have got her pregnant, and maybe shunned responsibility.
2: The girl may have finished with her boyfriend but he isn't getting the message.
3: The father is over-protective and has found out some boy has so much as looked at his little girl.
What the revenge involves will depend on what Daddy is like. The lad who has wronged his daughter in whatever way could end up with a thrashing, an appearance in court, a shotgun up the nose, or forced into a marriage that wily little minx has planned all along (you didn't really believe her when she said she was safe for a few days, did you?)
Daddy's Little Girl: "I want us to get married, Joe.
Joe: Married? No, sorry. I do like you, but I wasn't planning....
DLG: But I'm pregnant.
Joe: Well, I'm sorry, but it was your idea not to take precautions that night.
DLG: Did I mention my Daddy boxes for Southampton? Yes, he's just as fit and strong as when he was eighteen. Hell of a punch he's got on him. Oh yes. He'd do anything for his little girl.
Joe: But wait....I....wasn't....
His choice - Daddy's Revenge or marriage to someone who plans to take him for every penny he's got and then dump him in the gutter without a copper coin to his name.
Joe: Married? No, sorry. I do like you, but I wasn't planning....
DLG: But I'm pregnant.
Joe: Well, I'm sorry, but it was your idea not to take precautions that night.
DLG: Did I mention my Daddy boxes for Southampton? Yes, he's just as fit and strong as when he was eighteen. Hell of a punch he's got on him. Oh yes. He'd do anything for his little girl.
Joe: But wait....I....wasn't....
His choice - Daddy's Revenge or marriage to someone who plans to take him for every penny he's got and then dump him in the gutter without a copper coin to his name.
by StormSworder August 20, 2006
Get the Daddy's Revengemug.