pantaloon's definitions

lol

Originally found in Sumerian Tax Logs to define overdue fees (Late on Lamp Oil, some experts believe), this phrase has evolved through time. Shakespeare shunned the abbreviation, finding it impossible to rhyme with. Thoreau punched Jim Bowie in a local tavern for carving it on the table with his special knife, but Lincoln ad-libbed it in the original Gettysburg address during an uncomfortable moment in the Monologue. It meant "Laughing On Line" during the internet craze of the late 20th century, but now has been reduced to a response to the dull person you are texting to out of politeness rather than the one you are actually engaged in a conversation with, if you can call it that.

Sumerian Tax Log: Entry-2 dribs of Lamp Oil, payment 2days past due- LOL (usually required lopping off of something).
Shakespeare's feeble attempt; Mehears the lady LOL, mehopes not at mine nether hole.
Lincoln:Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.(uncomfortable shifting in crowd of living-dead did not shift hopefully)LOL, I meant equal as in, ya know, separate but equal, ya know, LOL, wait till you see my new bathroom signs. (Crowd relaxes) Ok, did I mention there's a new dee-luxe horse and buggy in the lot for y'all who came out today?(big whoop from crowd).
Justin text:RU still there?
Kimberly:LOL

by Pantaloon January 12, 2008

sheissucha

A phrase tacked onto the front of someone's name, be it friend, enemy, ex-girlfriend, girl who rejected you. Handy for the lobotomized.

Overheard, at the busstop;
Madison- "Sheissucha Ashley! Ohh, I hate her."
Kaitlin- "Did you get that from the Urban Dictionary? Cause that is f-in' brilliant! The entry I read said that 'Eva is a creative and sweet person, who I would love to to diddle.'" I crossed referenced diddle, and that means you would like to 'to touch or caress the genitals in some way.' Is that what you meant?
Madison- Oh, I don't know what I want! Why is growing up so angst-ridden? Aargh!
Kaitlin- Damn you Urban Dictionary, for confusing our hormonally supercharged adolescent brains more than ever! Curses to you, UD!
Emily-WTF???

by Pantaloon January 19, 2008

chesticles

What you get when you dive into icy cold water. The balls snap up through the abdominal cavity and come to rest in the thorax.

The water was so cold, Charlie got chesticles. his Speedo flat as a Ken doll.

by Pantaloon February 9, 2008

albee beck

The name of Arnold Schwarzenegger's grade school lover from his early days in Austria. During the filming of "The Terminator," AS was reported to be still distraught, even years later, over the bitter ending of this romance, and was forever uttering the boy's name. James Cameron, in perhaps one of the most brilliant moments in cinema history, decided to put one outtake into the film, where they were adjusting the lighting, and Arnold was waiting simply waiting on his mark for the next take. This moment captured on film is perhaps the quintessential expression of Man's existential aloneness in the universe, and AS's eventual destruction of the set in the name of Albee seems only fitting in retrospect.

Albee Beck had a tight ass, back in der Tag.

by Pantaloon January 19, 2008

twas

1)a possessive form of the airline abbreviation
2)The plural of "twat"
3)A toast made a bit later in the evening.

1)You're supposed to give those headphones back to the Stewardess, they're TWAs.
2)I paid the ladies ahead of time for my favorite holiday pastime. Twas, the night before Christmas.
3)First round- to your beauty and my wit.(Drink)
Second round-to a lovely evening! (Drink)
Third round- to you- what's your name again?(they drink)
Eight round- Twas! (spill, then find mouth)

by Pantaloon January 12, 2008

stock the pond

The act of squeezing off a few fresh finless brown trout into the bowl. Essential for the overall health of the ecosystem.

He hadn't shat for days, but the water would be teaming with fresh finless browns when he went to stock the pond.

by Pantaloon January 14, 2008

hash mark

Track marks left by underpants rubbing against a soiled starfish. Similar to skid marks, but lighter brown color. Almost beige. Possibly due to differences in diet from those who produce skid marks. Some studies have been done, but nothing conclusive has been published as this goes to print.

Girl, glancing at the floor- You don't have a hash mark in your boxers.
Fellow-You seem surprised.
Girl- Oh, most of the guys that come in here have them. 19 out of 20, I'd say.
Fellow, puffing out his chest- Well, then, thank you much. Is that what I smelled walked in here?
Girl-No, that's just my upper lip, from the Dirty Sanchez I had for breakfast.
Fellow- I thought you said I was your first!
Girl-Oh, yeah, you're right. I guess I must have just shit myself.
Fellow, relieved- Oh, Thank God!

by Pantaloon January 16, 2008