Definitions by henry1272838442
Stealth Wealth Wagon
When you truly have big money and don't have to 'prove it' with a tacky matte black Tesla or a Porsche 911 draped in carbon fiber, you go for a Stealth Wealth Wagon, which is essentially a luxury sedan with a big ass. Stealth Wealth Wagons are ALWAYS European and include the Volvo V90, V60, V70 and XC70, the Audi A4 and A6 allroad/avant, the BMW 3 or 5-series Touring, the Jaguar XF Sportbrake and by far the most popular of the bunch, the Mercedes-Benz E-Class Wagon. While Europeans may view the aforementioned cars as taxis or mundane family shuttles, the Stealth Wealth Wagon is a symbol of old money, refinement, elegance and subdued class in America. Everyone and their mother has an SUV or a sedan, but a Stealth Wealth Wagon is almost always bought, and never leased. People go through their Q5s and E350s faster than Pete Davidson goes through girlfriends, but part of the reason that Stealth Wealth Wagons are so hard to find used is because they are typically retained by their first owners for a loooong time. For that reason, they either have insanely low or insanely high mileage. When you see a Stealth Wealth Wagon, new or old, ALWAYS assume the person driving has fuck-you money. They're a part of a highly exclusive club.
Marin County, Beverly Hills, Pacific Heights, the North Shore, Petoskey, Shaker Heights, Georgetown, Buckhead, Asheville, Middleburg, Hilton Head, Savannah, the Main Line, the UES, the Hamptons, the Hudson Valley, all of Fairfield and Westchester Counties, especially Greenwich, Princeton/Charlottesville/Ann Arbor, Wellesley, the Cape and Islands, and Bar Harbor are all places where you'll have a high likelihood of running into a Stealth Wealth Wagon.
Stealth Wealth Wagon by henry1272838442 September 3, 2023
Marin County
Marin County summed up:
- The old bearded hippie who drives a beat-up Peugeot station wagon and does Simon & Garfunkel covers is actually a multimillionaire.
- They claim to be liberals, but are visibly uncomfortable around people of color.
- There are more Porsche 911s than there are Black people.
- No good Asian food, except for maybe 3 restaurants.
- Only Tam, Marin Academy, Redwood, Branson and to some extent, Marin Catholic are relevant.
- The only immigrants here are your friends' Swedish, Dutch or German moms or French, British or Italian dads.
- Houses may be ugly 80s leftovers, but they're still worth $5 million.
- Kids turn into druggies or alcoholics before their sixteenth birthdays, and their parents let them.
- Your dad is in a band, mountain bikes, and has an old BMW or Porsche.
- Your mom teaches yoga, has a Patagonia puffer and only shops at farmers' markets.
- The old bearded hippie who drives a beat-up Peugeot station wagon and does Simon & Garfunkel covers is actually a multimillionaire.
- They claim to be liberals, but are visibly uncomfortable around people of color.
- There are more Porsche 911s than there are Black people.
- No good Asian food, except for maybe 3 restaurants.
- Only Tam, Marin Academy, Redwood, Branson and to some extent, Marin Catholic are relevant.
- The only immigrants here are your friends' Swedish, Dutch or German moms or French, British or Italian dads.
- Houses may be ugly 80s leftovers, but they're still worth $5 million.
- Kids turn into druggies or alcoholics before their sixteenth birthdays, and their parents let them.
- Your dad is in a band, mountain bikes, and has an old BMW or Porsche.
- Your mom teaches yoga, has a Patagonia puffer and only shops at farmers' markets.
Marin County by henry1272838442 March 25, 2023
White Mercedes
The White Mercedes is another SoCal staple; often times a sedan or SUV, but bonus points if it's a convertible, which is hot as fuck. A white Mercedes sedan with chrome wheels is essentially the Camry of Orange County, and if you had a dollar for every white Mercedes you spotted in or around LA in a day, you could probably buy one of your own in a couple hours. In the 2000s, the white Mercedes of choice for Newport Beach doctors, young celebs in Beverly Hills and "coastal grandmothers" in Malibu was the CLK convertible, which was super fetch while it was still in production. Now it's the G550 or G63, with the S-Class sedan and the E-Class family also being commonplace. Like with the White Range Rover, the White Mercedes is likely to be found sandwiched between an Escalade and a White Lexus at South Coast Plaza, parked in front of a plastic surgeon's office, in the driveway of a hideous McMansion, or in the drive-thru line at Starbucks. A White Mercedes is the ultimate LA status symbol.
White Mercedes by henry1272838442 March 19, 2023
BMW X3
The BMW X3 is one of BMW's best-selling models alongside the 3-series sedan, and for good reason. It offers the same handling that BMW's cars are world-renowned for, but with an added touch of practicality. Arguably, compared to the Mercedes-Benz GLK and GLC, its simplistic design is more in-line with European cars truly designed for the European market rather than car-crazy America. And I say this as a HUGE Mercedes fan. Unfortunately, the new X3 is a little over-the-top, and standard RWD shouldn't be a thing in a luxury SUV, but who can complain when the X3 is still constantly ranked towards the top for small luxury SUVs, above its rivals such as the Porsche Macan, Alfa Romeo Stelvio, Lexus NX, Volvo XC60 and Land Rover Range Rover Velar.
BMW X3 by henry1272838442 January 6, 2023
Instagram Makeover
Like a makeover, but instead of changing the way you/someone else's Instagram appears. Some people say that social media is an extension of the person, but I disagree. You can be a great person and have great traits but have a terrible ig. I don't know how else to say it.
Oh my god, who's that new kid?
That's Grayson. He's cute, and he seems nice, but he is in desperate need of an Instagram makeover.
That's Grayson. He's cute, and he seems nice, but he is in desperate need of an Instagram makeover.
Instagram Makeover by henry1272838442 January 6, 2023
BeReal
A new type of social media where at random, you're given two minutes each day to capture a BeReal and 'live in the moment.' No filters and stuff like followers doesn't matter. Most people's BeReals are of them doing boring everyday shit, which is kinda the point of the app.
BeReal by henry1272838442 November 11, 2022
Mercedes-Benz GL/S
The big Mercedes SUV designed for the American market, the GL/GLS is one of the most popular cars among rich white moms. These gargantuan Benzes are even larger than Range Rovers and match the mammoth proportions of a Cadillac Escalade. Like the Lexus RX, Range Rover, Mercedes-Benz E-Class and Audi A4, these things are everywhere in predominantly white wealthy suburbs, shuttling kids to lacrosse and lugging around Nordstrom bags and Restoration Hardware furniture in the trunk.
The Mercedes-Benz GL/S is Daimler's Range Rover.
Mercedes-Benz GL/S by henry1272838442 October 18, 2022