henry1272838442's definitions
The Audi Allroad can best be described as a Subaru Outback that went to Choate. It, like the Volvo Cross Country and Mercedes E-Class Wagon, has long been a favorite of the country's wealthiest families, and can frequently be spotted with a bunch of college bumper stickers and lax sticks strewn throughout the trunk. If the Volvo Cross Country is more New Haven and the E-Class Wagon is more Georgetown, the Audi Allroad is more Ann Arbor; still sophisticated, with that subtly-intelligent college-town prep vibe, but maybe not as quintessential as say, New Haven or Georgetown. Unfortunately, after the dumpster fire that was the first Allroad back in the early aughts, Audi's Stealth Wealth Wagon became associated with questionable reliability, but shhh, no one needs to remember that. The Allroad is far more sophisticated than a normal Audi sedan. A4s and A6s are everywhere, but Allroads are a rare, rare breed.
by henry1272838442 September 3, 2023
Get the Audi Allroadmug. The White Mercedes is another SoCal staple; often times a sedan or SUV, but bonus points if it's a convertible, which is hot as fuck. A white Mercedes sedan with chrome wheels is essentially the Camry of Orange County, and if you had a dollar for every white Mercedes you spotted in or around LA in a day, you could probably buy one of your own in a couple hours. In the 2000s, the white Mercedes of choice for Newport Beach doctors, young celebs in Beverly Hills and "coastal grandmothers" in Malibu was the CLK convertible, which was super fetch while it was still in production. Now it's the G550 or G63, with the S-Class sedan and the E-Class family also being commonplace. Like with the White Range Rover, the White Mercedes is likely to be found sandwiched between an Escalade and a White Lexus at South Coast Plaza, parked in front of a plastic surgeon's office, in the driveway of a hideous McMansion, or in the drive-thru line at Starbucks. A White Mercedes is the ultimate LA status symbol.
by henry1272838442 March 19, 2023
Get the White Mercedesmug. A new type of social media where at random, you're given two minutes each day to capture a BeReal and 'live in the moment.' No filters and stuff like followers doesn't matter. Most people's BeReals are of them doing boring everyday shit, which is kinda the point of the app.
by henry1272838442 November 11, 2022
Get the BeRealmug. The big Mercedes SUV designed for the American market, the GL/GLS is one of the most popular cars among rich white moms. These gargantuan Benzes are even larger than Range Rovers and match the mammoth proportions of a Cadillac Escalade. Like the Lexus RX, Range Rover, Mercedes-Benz E-Class and Audi A4, these things are everywhere in predominantly white wealthy suburbs, shuttling kids to lacrosse and lugging around Nordstrom bags and Restoration Hardware furniture in the trunk.
The Mercedes-Benz GL/S is Daimler's Range Rover.
by henry1272838442 October 18, 2022
Get the Mercedes-Benz GL/Smug. Toyota's biggest SUV, based on the Tundra and now in its third generation. Mostly a US market model, though the Middle East did get it for a hot minute. This thing is an inferior Land Cruiser. Still reliable and still a solid option, but my God if it doesn't look like the unholy love child between a Tundra, a 4Runner, and a Land Cruiser. Need the space? Get a Sienna instead. Need the off-road chops? Land Cruiser is where to go. Still a better option than any of the domestics, and since they depreciate quicker than the LC, they are actually accessible to mere mortals.
The Toyota Sequoia is the Land Cruiser's chain-smoking, pitbull-owning, country music-blasting redneck cousin.
by henry1272838442 February 22, 2025
Get the Toyota Sequoiamug. The BMW X3 is one of BMW's best-selling models alongside the 3-series sedan, and for good reason. It offers the same handling that BMW's cars are world-renowned for, but with an added touch of practicality. Arguably, compared to the Mercedes-Benz GLK and GLC, its simplistic design is more in-line with European cars truly designed for the European market rather than car-crazy America. And I say this as a HUGE Mercedes fan. Unfortunately, the new X3 is a little over-the-top, and standard RWD shouldn't be a thing in a luxury SUV, but who can complain when the X3 is still constantly ranked towards the top for small luxury SUVs, above its rivals such as the Porsche Macan, Alfa Romeo Stelvio, Lexus NX, Volvo XC60 and Land Rover Range Rover Velar.
by henry1272838442 January 6, 2023
Get the BMW X3mug. The Mercedes-Benz S-Class is iconic. It is the blueprint for all other luxury sedans, a technological tour de force, and has been the undisputed queen of the segment since it was officially introduced in the 1970s. What do Prince William, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Kim Jong-Un have in common? They've all been chauffeured around in the S-class at some point. S-classes can be found on nearly every street corner in cities like New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong and Paris, and they make up a good portion of the $100K+ market in the US along with other status-mobiles like the Land Rover Range Rover and Tesla Model S (ew.)
Everyone from businessmen to heads of state wants an S-class. Even with Rolls-Royce, Maserati, Bentley and Porsche making far more expensive sedans, the S is still taken seriously and wouldn't look out of place parked in front of a royal palace. Quite simply one of, if not the best cars ever made. Every car wishes it could be an S-class when it grows up.
Everyone from businessmen to heads of state wants an S-class. Even with Rolls-Royce, Maserati, Bentley and Porsche making far more expensive sedans, the S is still taken seriously and wouldn't look out of place parked in front of a royal palace. Quite simply one of, if not the best cars ever made. Every car wishes it could be an S-class when it grows up.
I want nothing more than to listen to some Frank Sinatra in the back of a Mercedes-Benz S-Class in NYC right now.
When I landed in Paris, I was picked up in a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Take that, peasant.
Diana has both a Range Rover and an S-Class. I love her.
When I landed in Paris, I was picked up in a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Take that, peasant.
Diana has both a Range Rover and an S-Class. I love her.
by henry1272838442 September 23, 2022
Get the Mercedes-Benz S-Classmug.