When you truly have big money and don't have to 'prove it' with a tacky matte black Tesla or a Porsche 911 draped in carbon fiber, you go for a Stealth Wealth Wagon, which is essentially a luxury sedan with a big ass. Stealth Wealth Wagons are ALWAYS European and include the Volvo V90, V60, V70 and XC70, the Audi A4 and A6 allroad/avant, the BMW 3 or 5-series Touring, the Jaguar XF Sportbrake and by far the most popular of the bunch, the Mercedes-Benz E-Class Wagon. While Europeans may view the aforementioned cars as taxis or mundane family shuttles, the Stealth Wealth Wagon is a symbol of old money, refinement, elegance and subdued class in America. Everyone and their mother has an SUV or a sedan, but a Stealth Wealth Wagon is almost always bought, and never leased. People go through their Q5s and E350s faster than Pete Davidson goes through girlfriends, but part of the reason that Stealth Wealth Wagons are so hard to find used is because they are typically retained by their first owners for a loooong time. For that reason, they either have insanely low or insanely high mileage. When you see a Stealth Wealth Wagon, new or old, ALWAYS assume the person driving has fuck-you money. They're a part of a highly exclusive club.
Marin County, Beverly Hills, Pacific Heights, the North Shore, Petoskey, Shaker Heights, Georgetown, Buckhead, Asheville, Middleburg, Hilton Head, Savannah, the Main Line, the UES, the Hamptons, the Hudson Valley, all of Fairfield and Westchester Counties, especially Greenwich, Princeton/Charlottesville/Ann Arbor, Wellesley, the Cape and Islands, and Bar Harbor are all places where you'll have a high likelihood of running into a Stealth Wealth Wagon.
by henry1272838442 September 03, 2023
Get the Stealth Wealth Wagonmug. One of the most Stealth Wealth, east coast prep, WASP-y cars out there. Even though E-Class sedans are practically the upper-middle-class Camry, E-Class Wagons, along with subtly-specced Range Rovers, "tastefully-worn-out" graduation-present BMWs and unmodified USDM Toyota Land Cruisers are automotive indicators of some serious wealth and possibly intelligence. They, like the other Euro wagons, are unsurprisingly popular in college towns. Are they just taxis that drunk blondes and Instagram DJs trash back in Deutschland? Ja. Do American buyers give a fuck about the E-Wag's humble roots? Nein. Most E-Class Wagon buyers find the rest of the Mercedes lineup to be gauche and tacky, but remain loyal to the longroof. They also typically have the highest income of any Mercedes owner, so suck it, G63/S560/SL550/AMG GT. Plus, it's available as an E63, meaning you can drop off the kids at school one second and make Hellcats and Nissan Altimas fear for their lives the next.
The E-Class Wagon is a classic Hamptons workhorse. You could also replace Hamptons with Palm Beach, Petoskey, North Shore, Greenwich, Marin or any other affluent WASP area.
by henry1272838442 November 29, 2023
Get the E-Class Wagonmug. The DEFINITION of 4x4, and the automotive equivalent of a chameleon. In the Middle East, Southeast Asia, and much of Africa - show up in one of these, and everyone will know you're rich, potentially royalty and potentially bought it using blood money. In Europe? Nonexistent, unless you count the Prado. In the US? Either stealth wealth WASPs or overlanding bros who treat it like an expensive 4Runner. In Japan? A more niche product, and the canvas for some Midnight Club-level builds. In Australia? The undisputed King of the Outback, mate. Available as either a "station wagon" currently in the 300-series, or a no-nonsense 4x4/pickup in the form of the 70-series. One of Japan's most iconic vehicular exports and quite possibly one of the most reliable vehicles on planet earth. This thing will take you anywhere and will not leave you stranded. Many SUVs come close - the Nissan Patrol, Land Rover Range Rover, and Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen are all fantastic SUVs, but the Land Cruiser is in a league of its own. There's a reason why everyone from the UN to ISIS uses these bad boys. You can get one in complete barebones GX spec or fully loaded Sahara spec - making it the Japanese equivalent to an F-series or RAM truck (although much more reliable.) A strong contender for the most badass vehicle on earth.
by henry1272838442 February 22, 2025
Get the Toyota Land Cruisermug. The BMW X3 is one of BMW's best-selling models alongside the 3-series sedan, and for good reason. It offers the same handling that BMW's cars are world-renowned for, but with an added touch of practicality. Arguably, compared to the Mercedes-Benz GLK and GLC, its simplistic design is more in-line with European cars truly designed for the European market rather than car-crazy America. And I say this as a HUGE Mercedes fan. Unfortunately, the new X3 is a little over-the-top, and standard RWD shouldn't be a thing in a luxury SUV, but who can complain when the X3 is still constantly ranked towards the top for small luxury SUVs, above its rivals such as the Porsche Macan, Alfa Romeo Stelvio, Lexus NX, Volvo XC60 and Land Rover Range Rover Velar.
by henry1272838442 January 06, 2023
Get the BMW X3mug. Toyota's biggest SUV, based on the Tundra and now in its third generation. Mostly a US market model, though the Middle East did get it for a hot minute. This thing is an inferior Land Cruiser. Still reliable and still a solid option, but my God if it doesn't look like the unholy love child between a Tundra, a 4Runner, and a Land Cruiser. Need the space? Get a Sienna instead. Need the off-road chops? Land Cruiser is where to go. Still a better option than any of the domestics, and since they depreciate quicker than the LC, they are actually accessible to mere mortals.
The Toyota Sequoia is the Land Cruiser's chain-smoking, pitbull-owning, country music-blasting redneck cousin.
by henry1272838442 February 22, 2025
Get the Toyota Sequoiamug. The Mercedes-Benz S-Class is iconic. It is the blueprint for all other luxury sedans, a technological tour de force, and has been the undisputed queen of the segment since it was officially introduced in the 1970s. What do Prince William, Jay-Z, Beyoncé, and Kim Jong-Un have in common? They've all been chauffeured around in the S-class at some point. S-classes can be found on nearly every street corner in cities like New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong and Paris, and they make up a good portion of the $100K+ market in the US along with other status-mobiles like the Land Rover Range Rover and Tesla Model S (ew.)
Everyone from businessmen to heads of state wants an S-class. Even with Rolls-Royce, Maserati, Bentley and Porsche making far more expensive sedans, the S is still taken seriously and wouldn't look out of place parked in front of a royal palace. Quite simply one of, if not the best cars ever made. Every car wishes it could be an S-class when it grows up.
Everyone from businessmen to heads of state wants an S-class. Even with Rolls-Royce, Maserati, Bentley and Porsche making far more expensive sedans, the S is still taken seriously and wouldn't look out of place parked in front of a royal palace. Quite simply one of, if not the best cars ever made. Every car wishes it could be an S-class when it grows up.
I want nothing more than to listen to some Frank Sinatra in the back of a Mercedes-Benz S-Class in NYC right now.
When I landed in Paris, I was picked up in a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Take that, peasant.
Diana has both a Range Rover and an S-Class. I love her.
When I landed in Paris, I was picked up in a Mercedes-Benz S-Class. Take that, peasant.
Diana has both a Range Rover and an S-Class. I love her.
by henry1272838442 September 23, 2022
Get the Mercedes-Benz S-Classmug. A conniving, lying, narcissistic, hypocritical, vengeful man child with severe mommy issues. Prince Harry is the definition of white male privilege yet he bitches and moans about nearly everything under the sun. He is known to twist the truth to fit his agenda and like his wife Meghan Markle, is a master manipulator. Despite his current claims to be an activist, Harry has a history of using racial slurs, abusing animals, and who could forget the time he wore a Nazi uniform? See also; hypocrite, narcissist, bully, man-child, Oedipus Complex, liar, creepy, controlling, abusive, manipulative, and FUCKING GRIFTER.
by henry1272838442 August 02, 2024
Get the Prince Harrymug.