goose_on_a_roof's definitions

Gaseous Clay

a person with horrendously smelly farts (as he floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee. This is derived from “Cassius Clay” which is the birth name of the famed boxer Muhammad Ali.)

"SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!! What is that smell? Whoa, you’re a regular Gaseous Clay. Alright, I throw in the towel. Now help me back on my feet, would ya?"

by goose_on_a_roof October 11, 2020

Floss Archer

One that flosses in public without concern for where the projectiles land.

Waitress 1: I just cleaned that window. How did it get so splotched up?
Waitress 2: ...the floss archer over there. He got me in the eye when I refreshed his coffee.

by goose_on_a_roof August 9, 2021

at-ease

(verb) to stop what you are doing, cease (This is a military term derived from the command “at-ease” which, even though sounds like it should mean “to relax”, actually is more restrictive than when a soldier is at “rest”, where a soldier is free to move, talk, smoke, etc. It is from this point that it is used to bring a soldier under control, particularly if the soldier in question is involved in grab-ass.)

Soldier: HEY CHICKY BABY! DO I GET SOME FRIES WITH THAT SHAKE?
Sergeant: AT-EASE THAT SH** OR I’LL HAVE YOU STANDING BEFORE THE SERGEANT MAJOR!

by goose_on_a_roof October 17, 2020

Waning Mullet

a man’s hairstyle that is bald on the top but with long stringy hair hanging over the collar in the back (elderhostel up front, party in the back)

This is a modification of the 80’s mullet. It is worn by the diehard that refuses to give up the long hair that he sported back in high school.

Bob: Did you see Jim Rickards on Fox Business talking about the demise of the US Dollar?
Dave: Is that the guy with the waning mullet?
Bob: Yeah, that’s him.

by goose_on_a_roof December 31, 2020

unicorn fart in the wind

noun

1. an undeveloped idea

2. an idea that is not grounded in reality

3. an ill conceived plan that has no chance of coming to fruition

4. something that does not exist in the real, or physical, world

Geezer: …so this “crypto currency”, as you call it, which doesn’t exist in any physical form, is going to revolutionize the way the world transacts business?
Millennial: Yes…exactly.
Geezer: That’s just a unicorn fart in the wind.

by goose_on_a_roof March 27, 2022

flatusidal tendencies

a disorder whereby a person has recurring thoughts about breaking wind in crowded and, often times, confined places (This is a dangerous situation in which the person in question is on the verge of becoming a sphincter Sinatra if he/she does not receive professional help or, at the very least, a bitch slap by his/her friends.)

Paratrooper: Sarge, I know it’s not the time but I keep thinking about plantin’ some onion.
Jumpmaster: GOT DAMN IT!!! Ya better at-ease those flatusidal tendencies or I’ll toss your goat-smellin’ ass off this bird right now, green light or not.

by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020

pounding

To eat or drink (Often times this denotes eating/drinking fast but this is not always the case.)

Usage:
"I gotta squat for a jiffy wiz in The Gran Manzana and I've been head sparkin’ ‘bout pounding that Coney fillet in a twee fire-in-the-hole.
The dewclaws are up. Ya wanna draft my flivver?
Bang the pipes by 5:00 or hold peace.”

Translation:
"I’ve got a layover in New York City and was thinking about getting a hotdog in a quaint restaurant.
I’m enthusiastic. Do you want to come along?
Call me by 5:00 or it will be too late."

by goose_on_a_roof October 16, 2020