Definitions by goose_on_a_roof

tough crack to nut 

an extremely attractive woman that no guy can score with

“Yeah, she’s as hot as a firecracker but you’d better forget it, pal. That’s a tough crack to nut.”

tough crack to nut by goose_on_a_roof June 5, 2022

google 

(original definition)

verb

to throw a girl to the ground and tickle her until she pees (or pukes)

This was practiced by fraternities in northeastern colleges during the 1940’s prior to the advent of the panty raid.

“Brother Harold, you are to google Muffy Berenson until sufficiently soiled.”

google by goose_on_a_roof March 29, 2022

unicorn fart in the wind 

noun

1. an undeveloped idea

2. an idea that is not grounded in reality

3. an ill conceived plan that has no chance of coming to fruition

4. something that does not exist in the real, or physical, world

Geezer: …so this “crypto currency”, as you call it, which doesn’t exist in any physical form, is going to revolutionize the way the world transacts business?
Millennial: Yes…exactly.
Geezer: That’s just a unicorn fart in the wind.

unicorn fart in the wind by goose_on_a_roof March 27, 2022

Todd 

A fearless mate, he would be, an’ the finest buccaneer I ever lay me eyes on. He can swing from the riggin’, cutlass in hand, with war cry to chill ye to the bone. No mortal man could fill his boots as his seabag have the orbs of a binnacle. Drink a man ‘til he be red in the eye, ‘e could, an’ crack another bottle o’ grog fer good measure. A fine figure he cut, like the jib of a clipper. …an’ the lassies, oh the lassies…linin’ up to be his conquest, like flies bearin’ gifts to a spider, they be. With the staff of Poseidon, he slay the wenches, leavin’ ‘em breathless an’ quiverin’. Aye, matey, but Todd be the one…loyal to his captain and mates. He be the one ye turn when somethin’ needs doin’. Like a shark with a seaman’s leg, he’ll never let ‘er go.

Wench: Beggin’ ye pardon, m’ lord, but would Todd be with ye.
Captain: Aye, lassie, but he already be outfit with six young maidens.
Wench: Crap-eth!

Todd by goose_on_a_roof August 21, 2021

Floss Archer 

One that flosses in public without concern for where the projectiles land.

Waitress 1: I just cleaned that window. How did it get so splotched up?
Waitress 2: ...the floss archer over there. He got me in the eye when I refreshed his coffee.

Floss Archer by goose_on_a_roof August 9, 2021

Waning Mullet 

a man’s hairstyle that is bald on the top but with long stringy hair hanging over the collar in the back (elderhostel up front, party in the back)

This is a modification of the 80’s mullet. It is worn by the diehard that refuses to give up the long hair that he sported back in high school.

Bob: Did you see Jim Rickards on Fox Business talking about the demise of the US Dollar?
Dave: Is that the guy with the waning mullet?
Bob: Yeah, that’s him.

Waning Mullet by goose_on_a_roof December 31, 2020

Squeeze Burger 

An adorably cute dog (cat, person, etc.) that you have an irresistible urge to snuggle.

"Come here girl! Come on! That's it! Who's a good doggie? You are. Oh yes you are. You are so cute, you little squeeze burger."

Squeeze Burger by goose_on_a_roof October 28, 2020