Definitions by bromp
test match
an extremely long sit-down sojourn in the lavatory, which to the subject feels like it is taking five days to achieve any sort of conclusive result. So named due to the similarity to the cricket competitions: long, silent periods of intense concentration broken by occasional grunts, cracks and thuds, irregularly interspersed with splatters that sound not unlike bursts of applause.
Sally: “Fred, Jim disappeared after breakfast and it's already 11. We are supposed to be at the coast by 12!”
Jim: “We might not make it. He's in the lavatory and it sounds like he is in the middle of a test match.”
Jim: “We might not make it. He's in the lavatory and it sounds like he is in the middle of a test match.”
test match by bromp February 22, 2010
Fartistic Licence
"Mr Darcy, I find it most difficult to credit your assertion that Miss bennet was responsible for the beefy eggo that cleared the dance floor not five minutes ago.. For one thin, the miasma concerned was distinctly reminiscent of the casserole I observed you yourself consuming last night, whereas I have it on good authority that Miss Bennet is a vegetarian. If that was Fartistic Licence, Darcy, then it was dashed bad form."
Fartistic Licence by bromp February 18, 2010
kettling
is defined in Magna Farta as "the state of being in dire, immediate need of a shit. From the fact that a metal lid placed over one's clackervalve in such circumstances would rattle urgently, and possibly emit a high-pitched whistle to boot."
At the G20 summit, the newsreader said that the Police had been "kettling" which accurately reflects the agitated state of the officers in the protest, so I am not surprised they were clubbing people to death left right and centre.
velcrofart
a Velcrofart describes the situation where, to pluck an example out of thin air, a bloke called Binkie has been ordered out of the Dandy Lion Arms, because the fumes from his Arse are upsetting the licensee's children, but when he re-enters the bar, the gut-wrenching stench follows him back in.
Bert - Christ who ripped that one?
Sam - Oh No! Binkie's dropped another velcrofart; they stick to him like Bud Flanagan used to stick to Chesney Allen ...
Sam - Oh No! Binkie's dropped another velcrofart; they stick to him like Bud Flanagan used to stick to Chesney Allen ...
velcrofart by bromp April 16, 2009
Bombay barometer
That miraculous sensor situated in the anal tract that enables the operator to determine whether the chamber is loaded with gas or solid matter, before risking a fart. The Bombay barometer may give faulty readings when, for example, swamped by large quantities of beer and curry, with disastrous results.
Bombay barometer by bromp January 20, 2009
stealth bummer
-"Look at our old mate behind the bar with his bumchum. This was a great pub, no look at it - cocktails, no real ale - and full of style-conscious genlemen with nice fingernails"
-"yeah, our old mate was always a stealth bummer. He'd come and join us with his frustrated wife and join us, but he was just casing the joint."
-"yeah, taken out by a stealth bummer!"
-"yeah, our old mate was always a stealth bummer. He'd come and join us with his frustrated wife and join us, but he was just casing the joint."
-"yeah, taken out by a stealth bummer!"
stealth bummer by bromp January 20, 2009