Yopmail User's definitions

Limerick

DEFINITION
There once was a dude from Yopmail
Whose struggle against boredom was a fail
So he hopped on UrbDic(k)
And wrote this limerick
Enjoy the rest, you diseased toenail

A Bunch of Limericks by Yopmail User

RICK
There once was a dick named Rick
Who fucked his nephew's daughters for kicks
His son ate ten dimes
Then fucked tigers twelve times
And proudly sucked a monkey's dick

CHRIS HANSEN
There once was a Brit with a snare
Who raped a few kids for a dare
He then wet his bed
When Chris Hansen said
"Why don't you have a seat over there?"

OBSCENE
There once was a poem so obscene
It made all its readers drink bromine
They thought it was time
To shit on a mime
And fuck his dead body for hygiene

THE SHITTY DECK POEM
There once was a kid on a deck
Who fell over and broke his neck
Someone raped the dude
And was promptly sued
He now qualifies for a penis check

MASTURBATION
A kid once beat off to his dog
Who unwillingly sucked his big log
The dog saw a tick
And bit off the kid's dick
Then took a big shit on a frog

by Yopmail User January 16, 2023

Declare War on the North Pole Day

A day for naughty kids to arm themselves with Nerf guns, marking their futile declaration of war against Santa and the North Pole. Always occurs on December 26th.

Declare War on the North Pole Day 2022
Naughty kid 1: I-I-I saw it in F-Fortnite! I-if we enter through the front door we will kill the elves and s-s-seize the means of production!
Rest of the naughty kids: H-HEIL... C-C-COMMUNISM!! PRAISE STALIN AND FORTNITE!!
Santa Claus: *exits workshop* The fuck is this shit?
Naughty kids: FORTNITE BATTLE PASS PLZZZZ!!! FOLLOW MY TIKTO-
*Santa guns them all down with an AR-15*

by Yopmail User February 23, 2023

Avatar: The Way of Water

-This shit happens more than ten years after the fucking prequel.
-Humans invade Pandora.
-The dead guy named Miles Quaritch turns out to be blue and alive.

-Jake's kids get kidnapped and freed (Spider being an exception).
-Jake and his family move to the fucking ocean.
-Lo'ak (Jake's son) fights some dude and almost gets fucking eaten by a predator.
-A tulkun named Payakan saves him (he's ostracized because he fought with the dudes who killed his mother).
-Kiri has a seizure. She lives because muh plot armor.
-Quaritch massacres the fucking tulkuns. Their brains prevent aging.
-Jake and his family get trapped in a sunken vessel (Payakan attacks it and kills the crew earlier).
-Lo'ak, Tsireya (Metkayina princess), and Tuk (Jack's daughter) get captured and live.
-Neteyam (Jake's son) dies. The other kids live.
-Quaritch holds Kiri (Jake's daughter) hostage until Neytiri (Jake's wife) cuts Spider's chest with a knife.
-Spider saves Quaritch and fucking stays on Pandora.
-Jake and his family stay underwater.

Avatar: The Way of Water sucks ass. Read these spoilers instead.

by Yopmail User December 18, 2022

Cop

Latin for "donut fetishist."

Mentions of donut restaurants are telltale signs that the dude you're talking to is actually an undercover cop who's ready to molest you.

by Yopmail User December 24, 2022

new years

To perform this sex act, you need to gather the vomit, shit, saliva, and cum/vaginal fluids of ten kindergarteners whose birthdays fall on January/September 1st, as well as your own. Pour them in a blender and let the mixture blend for thirty minutes. After it's finished, make a human centipede out of the kindergarteners with a staplegun, feed the mixture and some laxatives to the first kid, and quickly staple his anus to the last kid's mouth to finish the cycle of gurgling and shitting. It should be noted that the kids will try to break free, so it won't hurt to glue their limbs to the floor. After an hour, break the link between the first and last kid, give the first kid Diet Coke and Mentos up the ass, and quickly staple his ass to the last kid's mouth. Finish the act by beating off on each kid's face.

New Years is every politician's favorite sex act.

by Yopmail User January 8, 2023

facebook

The act of placing tracking chips on a small child's ankle and in his eye sockets before forcing him to drink ten gallons of a mixture of your saliva, spit, cum, vomit, snot, piss, and sweat, among other bodily fluids; others can be used if necessary. Once you have that down, ram your cock up his ass (and vagina if female) as hard as possible before skullfucking him in his nostrils and ears. After you finish that, gaze at his naked body while throwing condoms at him for half an hour before tearing off one of his limbs, using it as a fleshlight, and making him take a bite out of it. You will then need to knock him unconscious and rape him repeatedly in most of his bodily crevices. Once the act is done, bring him home as if nothing happened, stalk him extensively, and take pictures of his body while he's sleeping. Get some Diet Coke and Mentos and hold it against the stub where his severed limb used to be.

Facebook harvests your personal info so they can perform this sex act.

by Yopmail User November 26, 2023

The Emoji Movie

If you, by some miracle, are actually thinking of watching this school shooting of a "movie," please dial the Suicide Hotline: [phone]. Watching it is, to say the least, an incredibly painful way to fucking die. And to those of you who have watched it, I wish you'd known how much you'd be missed before then.

The Emoji Movie makes the Holocaust look fucking hilarious.

by Yopmail User April 10, 2023