Tenacious Faulker's definitions

dolphin

The best meat in the tuna can.

(Tuna Can Label)
Warning:
(1) This product may contain up to 5% dolphin meat as we couldn't be bothered to separate the mammals from the fish. (2) There is no justidiction governing the meat on inadvertently caught dolphins so just suck it bitches. (3) Also

this product may contain 7mg of mercury which is about 20% the RDA of heavy metal intake.

by Tenacious Faulker May 8, 2009

Grande

A spanish word, supposedly meaning "large", bastardized by the Starbucks marketing machine to mean medium; their 16oz coffee.

I hate going into a Starbuck's for coffee. The dumbass baristas always treat me like an idiot because I confuse a "Tall, "Grande" and "Vente". Grande is spanish for large, right? "Short" is the only size that makes any sense and "Vente" is an Italian word! WTF is that?! Why can't they just call them small, medium, large and extra large anyway?

by Tenacious Faulker May 18, 2009

Big Data

Modern day version of Big Brother. Online searches, store purchases, Facebook posts, Tweets or Foursquare check-ins, cell phone usage, etc. is creating a flood of data that, when organized and categorized and analyzed, reveals trends and habits about ourselves and society at large.

Search engines and marketing companies have gathered and sorted 90% of all information on our habits ever created by our species in just the past 2 years and 10% of all photographs taken in the history of cameras and videos where taken in 2011 all from the electronic devices which we are either unable or unwilling to live without.

Girl: Hey did you see those crazy photos I posted on Facebook? Sexy, right?

Boy: No.

Girl: No? I tweeted them and sexted them to you too.

Boy: I'm trying to stay off the grid.

Girl: What on Earth for?!

Boy: Because Big Data is watching, that's why, and I don't I don't want the government knowing my business!

Girl: You're weird.

Boy: And you're just another rat in the maze.

by Tenacious Faulker December 8, 2012

left and right

A colorful term used in place of "everywhere", "all around", "all over" or "a plethora"; i.e. a lot.

I went fishing yesterday and nailled bass left and right.

Last night there were hotties in the club left and right.

I was in a highway pile up and was hit left and right.

We had a picnic on the beach and the seagulls were swarming us left and right.

by Tenacious Faulker August 21, 2009

called up

Baseball analogy. Used when someone is moving up; usually applied to someone being promoted at work, but can be applied in most scenarios.

Antomyns: demmoted, fired, cut, dissed.

Pete, it looks like your pitching has caught the attention of the Yankees. Congrats! You're being called up to the bigs!

Jeff was asked to take over for his old boss. He was called up yeasterday.

Remember that hot girl from the bar who was out of my league? She called me to go out this Friday! Fellas, I'm being called up to the majors!

That stash of pot we confiscated from you turned out to be distribution weight which is now a federal crime, not state. You've made the big time; Federal prosecutors are calling you up, son!

by Tenacious Faulker October 19, 2009

twenty dollar whore

The $2 whore of the modern economic era. Twenty is the new two.

The new tax codes for 2009 mandates that all hos filing as a two dollar whore should now be recategorized as twenty dollar whore in order to reflect the appropriate income tax bracket of today's crack-hos.

by Tenacious Faulker March 30, 2009

keep it on the up

1) Doing what society expects of you; being a proper ciizen; acting properly. Using socially acceptable behavior. Another way to say "walk the straight and narrow path"; being a "proper"citizen; straight laced.

2) The alternate name for "Troublemaker", by Weezer, by dumbasses because they only really listen to the chorus.

"Troublemaker" Exerpt, 2nd verse:

I'm growin' out my hair,

I'm movin' up to Cherokee,

I'm gonna be a rockstar,

And you will go ta bed with me,

'Cause I can't work a job,

Like any other slob,

Punchin' in and punchin' out
and suckin-up to "Bob".

Marryin' a bi-otch,

Havin' seven ki-ods,

Givin' up and growin' old,

And hopin' there's a God.

I'm a troublemaker,

Never been a faker.

Doin' things my own way

And never givin' up

I'm a troublemaker,

Not a doubletaker.

I don't have the patience to keep it on the up.

by Tenacious Faulker June 25, 2009