To quote a Star Wars character, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Originally designed to unite Europe, this organisation has mutated into a corrupt gang of power-hungry, democracy-hating con-artists who want to live like princes and be accountable to no-one. They employ people like Lord Neil Kinnock (so-called socialist who lost two elections in a row), and Norman Lamont (useless chancellor who sunk the UK into recession). Now they have complete control over the UK (thanks to our treacherous selfish government who know a gravy train when they see one) they'll be accomplishing what a certain Austrian painter set out to do seventy years ago.
Hitler: "Damn and blast! Why didn't I just wait until the forming of the European Union! I could be ruling england and all of Europe by now!"
by Stormsworder October 16, 2008
Get the European Union mug.An island off the south coast of England, the Isle of Wight is a land of beauty. It has a lot of nice seaside towns and they all have attractions. Some people equate it with being in England in the 1950s, but there's nothing wrong with that surely.
On the Isle of Wight there is a museum containing the skeleton of a Finback Whale (the second largest after the Blue Whale) which was washed up some years ago near The Needles.
by Stormsworder December 07, 2006
Get the isle of wight mug.A seat-shaped object leading to a pipe which, in turn, leads to the sewers. Used to dispose of bodily waste - though urine is often disposed of on the floor around the base of the toilet. A toilet is a source of much hilarity with schoolboys or those with similar ideas about humour (like me, for example). Also used in insults (eg: "you smell like a public toilet"). A toilet is a place the Queen never has to visit (through some miracle of biology, presumably). People who are sick in the toilet are said to be "talking down the big white telephone". Although some toilets I've seen are so filthy their original colour is long lost in the mists of time.
In my old school someone took something out of a toilet and smeared it across a classroom wall. The teacher was adamant that the culprit would be made to clean it off. The guilty party was never revealed, so the shat stayed on the wall and festered for years after. This was a classroom used as a lunch-hall. What a charming school.
by Stormsworder May 31, 2007
Get the toilet mug.A member of the arachnid family, one of the oldest and most successful groups of animals on this planet. In fact, some think the first animal to leave the sea was an arachnid. Scorpions have lobster-like claws and a tail which arches forward over their backs, ends in a sting. It's that sting which means they are feared and detested, but in fact only a small minority of scorpions are dangerously venomous. Scorpions live in a variety of environments, from tropical to desert regions. As a rule, species with larger and stronger-looking pincers tend to be safer. For example, scorpions like the Emporer Scorpion, Black Forest Scorpion (a guest on 'Clive Anderson Talks Back') and Egyptian Gold Scorpion are safe to handle and are kept as pets. Meanwhile, the Death Stalker and Fat-tailed Scorpions (which have small, narrow pincers), are dangerously venomous. The earliest known scorpion fossils are something like 400 million years old. Two ancient scorpions, Brontoscorpio and Gigantoscorpio, are thought to have each been a metre in length. Whenever I watch a scorpion, I can't help feeling I'm viewing the events of 400 million years ago.
An Emporer Scorpion called Spike, looked large and dramatic, was harmless to humans. Within in few years she had become a grandmother. RIP Spike, and her family, the last of whom died a couple of years ago
by Stormsworder November 16, 2006
Get the scorpion mug.An unidentified animal living in Loch Ness, the largest body of fresh water in Britain. It first came to the attention of the general public in the thirties when a London surgeon R.K.Wilson took a photo of what looked like the head-and-neck of a dinosaur-like creature. What with The Lost World and RKO's King Kong in the cinema, there was an explosion in public interest. The monster's image, however, was to be forever tainted by the pantomime which followed, in which a game big hunter called Wetherall came to Loch Ness and discovered footprints on the shore. The tracks turned out to have been made by a hippo foot, which was some kind of ashtray or other keepsake. What kind of a big game hunter couldn't work out that they were all hippo tracks made by the same foot I don't know, but he left Loch Ness. In 1994 the now-famous surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake, a model on a toy submarine made by Wetherall - revenge on the world that mocked him. Over the years there have been a number of photos and films of unidentified creatures in Loch Ness. Some have been proved as fakes (to be honest, I wasn't surprised when the surgeon's photo turned out to be a fake. I'd always thought there was something odd about it). But there is still strong film evidence and a lot of eye-witness evidence to support the existence of a long-necked animal of some kind. Modern scientists often dismiss eye-witness evidence as non-evidence. I'm glad they're not running the judicial system, otherwise they'd have every prisoner released. What doesn't help is a decidedly vulgar merchandising industry which has turned the monster into nothing more than a theme park attraction. The official Loch Ness exhibition centre now officially doesn't believe in Nessie anyway. Their cinema now shows visitors a film telling of all the reasons why Nessie is a hoax, accompanied by silly music. You leave the cinema at the end of the film and are then confronted by a shop selling plush Nessies, Nessie mugs, china Nessies, Nessies with tartan hats and endless other over-priced junk. Personally I'm sure there were unidentified animals in Loch Ness until recent years. I think, what with their proven sensitivity to noise, and what with Loch Ness now covered in countless noisy boats of every shape and form, that whatever was in the Loch has either died out or returned to the sea never to return. Either way, I think it's better for the welfare of these creatures that their existence is never proved.
Newsflash, 3/4/2011:
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.
The existence of long-necked creatures in Loch Ness has been proved. Now every science laboratory in the world wants one to dissect. Every zoo wants one, and every gourmand in the world wants to taste the flesh of one in some revoltingly over-priced restaurant.
Within the year, the loch ness monster will be as dead as dodos and Stellar's sea cows.
by StormSworder August 16, 2006
Get the loch ness monster mug.An attempt to create a 'comic relief' character which backfired badly, turning the Star Wars film Phantom Menace into little more than a cross between a farce and a special-effects laden episode of Love Thy Neighbour. Binks is an alien who, for reasons I'm sure won't be apparent to anyone but all-seeing higher beings, talks like a dated black stereotype. Ah, but C3P0 and R2-D2 were comical characters, the fanboys point out. Yes, but they actually served some function in A New Hope, and if they're comic characters then why do we need yet another 'comic' character.
Jar Jar Binks, just one of the many things wrong with a film with was nothing really more than one long advert for toys, video games, happy meals and various other tat. But it's still worth mentioning that Jar Jar Binks is a shit creation and a total wanker.
by Stormsworder August 02, 2007
Get the Jar Jar Binks mug.Brazilian wandering spider is the name used to describe any spider of the genus phoneutria. There are five in total, and they are large hairy spindly-looking spiders with leg-spans which can reach up to 5 inches or more. Two pairs of their eight eyes are large, and they do not make webs, instead go hunting for prey. This can cause problems, as they have the most active venom of any living spiders. One of their number, the Brazilian Huntsman, is thought to be the most venomous spider in the world. Brazilian wandering spiders are certainly dangerous, bite more people than any other spiders. They are fast-moving, their legs are strong and spiny and they have destinctive red jaws which they display when angered. These spiders are quite capable of jumping onto a broom used to fend them off, can also leap out of banana bunches carried over the shoulder and bite whoever is carrying the fruit. One species, the Brazilian Armed Spider, is quite amazingly aggressive and has the largest venom glands of any spider. Since the introduction of anti-toxins, there have been few recorded fatalities, and finding one of these spiders in imported fruit is unlikely what with modern safety precautions. the name Brazilian wandering spider is actually inaccurate, as these spiders are found all over South America.
It's worth pointing out that a Brazilian wandering spider is not a tarantula. They're not even in the same family group. Tarantulas are harmless to humans, are mostly ambush killers who wait for prey to come to them. Brazilian wandering spiders are active hunters. Brazilian wandering spiders and tarantulas do have one thing in common, however. They don't eat bananas. I'm quite amazed people think this is the case.
by StormSworder August 16, 2006
Get the brazilian wandering spider mug.