Stormsworder's definitions

david cameron

The current leader of the UK Conservative party, David Cameron just about sums up the Tories as of late. The UK government has never been so openly and blatantly corrupt, sleazy, spiteful and dishonest. Any half-decent opposition would have knocked the New Labour party into oblivion after their first term in power. Which shows just how useless the Tory party is. Cameron himself is an ex-Etonian, stuck atop an ivory tower with no idea of the working classes or life outside his pampered little world. Since becoming leader he is hell-bent on turning the Tories into an immitation of New Labour (why have an opposition in that case?) and is determined to go soft on crime, trying to generate sympathy for criminals. Pity he can't show any sympathy for the victims. Like Blair, Cameron is just window-dressing for a party obsessed with PC, PR and image. If you ask me, the remaining Tories true to the party's principles should break away and form their own party. See how long Cameron and his band of spoon-fed, liberal soft-heads survive on their own. The latest PC stunt, appointing an asian female MP, had blown up in Cameron's face, as she is talking more sense than all his cronies put together and no-one can accuse her of racism or sexism. I say Patel for the next leader of the Tory party.

David Cameron doesn't want the Tory party to come to power, let's be honest. Because if they get elected, the Tories won't have a clue what they're supposed to do. Unless....
Cameron: "Er, excuse me, Tony. Hang on a minute, will you. What exactly is it a government is supposed to do?"

by Stormsworder December 1, 2006

bank

1: To put money in a bank.

2: To rely on something or someone. (eg: I was banking on this happening).

3: A building where they charge you a fortune for the least little thing (eg: £30 to tell you you're overdrawn). I went in one bank for an international money order. The women who dealt with them (no-one else was allowed the keys to the desk with the IMOs in) had gone to lunch, wouldn't be back for another fifteen minutes. So, after a lot of hanging around the town centre, I went back to the bank only to find they didn't have any remaining IMOs. Given that IMOs are pieces of paper with printed writing on them which the bank sell for £8 each, I'm sure it can't be a case of them not being able to afford more with the profits they make (given that they also employ as few people as possible to keep their profits up). They'll have some more IMOs 'soon'. Whether that means tomorrow, next week, next month or next year I don't know. But you'd think they'd order more IMOs when they're running low on them, not wait until after they've run out.

The bank will put the squeeze on you alright - until you pop.

by Stormsworder November 16, 2006

postal

The UK postal system is, like just about everything else in the UK after the socialist/communist/annarchist revolution here (not to mention the privatisation of the postal system courtesy of some money-minded old Tory crook), the laughing stock of the world. Important parcels and letters frequently go missing. I must have lost thousands of pounds worth of goods in the post in the last seven years, and it's not really surprising given that the postal workers of today don't seem to care a fig about their customers. Last year, for example, I was out when a parcel was delivered, so the parcel was returned to the depot. But, instead of making a record of it, the postman involved had simply thrown it in some storage warehouse and nobody knew where it was. It was only through persistence that it didn't join the other items which seem to be gone forever. Whilst I was in the depot, there was a woman complaining about a postman who'd forced a parcel of hers through her letterbox and, as a result, the contents of it (photos) had all been bent out of shape. I'm forever getting complaints from irate people who've never received the cheques I've sent. One of my Dad's friends used to be a postal worker and apparently, when the sacks of letters are emptied, there's always a few left behind which are disregarded. Smaller post offices are constantly being closed as centralisation takes over. You might as well just put your letter in a bottle and throw it in the nearest river.

Seller: "Where's my cheque gone?"
Buyer: "I sent it three weeks ago, but unfortunately I was stupid enough to trust the UK's postal system, so it's probably in the bin by now".

by Stormsworder November 23, 2006

bratz

Supposedly the 'new' Barbie, these dolls, with their plastered-on make-up, their sly expressions and their scanty clothing seem to represent a rather unpleasant trend. We are, after all, living in a society which is determined to take innocence away from youngsters. Children are encouraged to dress like miniature hookers from earlier ages than ever, and toys like Bratz dolls are doing nothing to stop the creation of a generation of girls who think sex is the only thing that matters in any relationship.

There are no end of little girls dressed like Bratz dolls. And have you ever wondered what goes on in the minds of people who design tarty underwear for nine-year-old girls?

by Stormsworder February 21, 2007

Gordon Brown

Unelected Prime Minister of the UK who became PM by some kind of divine appointment and proceded to hand over any power left in the country to a load of unelected sharks in the EU. When he was chancellor, Brown squandered money like it was going out of style. He wasted billions on illegal invasions, stupid pet projects like the Dome, employing a legion of civil servants and quangos, and sold Britain's gold reserves when the value of gold was at an all-time low. He ended up taxing everyone to death and raiding pensions. Basically he has always wanted the job of PM, isn't bothered in the slightest if he has no idea of what he's supposed to do. Now the likes of Milliband are sharpening their knives, waiting to steal his crown, but to be honest he has nothing to worry about. His party is just a collection of gutless no-hopers who between them couldn't run a bath.

If I was a parent or teacher and I saw Gordon Brown coming towards the school playground grinning that grin of his I think I'd call the police.

by Stormsworder October 17, 2008

Bogey

Bogey or bogie has several meanings including:
A: Bodily mucus in the nostrils.
B: A golf score.
C: Nickname for American actor Humphrey Bogart.
D: Chassis or framework holding the wheels of a train.

"I'm a great fan of locomotives. Show me a bogey and I'm in paradise".

by Stormsworder April 5, 2009

Daddy's Revenge

This is basically what happens in a number of situations involving a Daddy's Little Girl.

1: The girl's boyfriend may have got her pregnant, and maybe shunned responsibility.

2: The girl may have finished with her boyfriend but he isn't getting the message.

3: The father is over-protective and has found out some boy has so much as looked at his little girl.

What the revenge involves will depend on what Daddy is like. The lad who has wronged his daughter in whatever way could end up with a thrashing, an appearance in court, a shotgun up the nose, or forced into a marriage that wily little minx has planned all along (you didn't really believe her when she said she was safe for a few days, did you?)

Daddy's Little Girl: "I want us to get married, Joe.
Joe: Married? No, sorry. I do like you, but I wasn't planning....
DLG: But I'm pregnant.
Joe: Well, I'm sorry, but it was your idea not to take precautions that night.
DLG: Did I mention my Daddy boxes for Southampton? Yes, he's just as fit and strong as when he was eighteen. Hell of a punch he's got on him. Oh yes. He'd do anything for his little girl.
Joe: But wait....I....wasn't....
His choice - Daddy's Revenge or marriage to someone who plans to take him for every penny he's got and then dump him in the gutter without a copper coin to his name.

by StormSworder August 20, 2006