Stormsworder's definitions

eastenders

A soap opera which used to be unmissable entertainment, but since about 2001 it has completely lost the plot. All the interesting characters have gone, replaced by people who are either irritating, obnoxious or both. I've lived where there are a lot of real eastenders and they're nothing like the ones in this soap opera. Albert Square is now populated by patronising working-class stereotypes (who are usually criminals, wife-beaters, serial killers etc). Nobody can keep their trousers/skirt on for more than five minutes, and Dirty Den suddenly rising from the grave shows how desperate the series has become, having exhausted all possible storylines years ago. Only continues because soap operas are so cheap to make. Once you've built the sets, you can use them forever, and you only need to go on location for a week twice a year and have a special effect once in a blue moon. And you can use the same storylines over and over. Eastenders always has an extra-depressing storyline at Christmas. Ho-ho-ho to you as well. By the way, Eastenders is now on four times a week, so that's even more padding to enjoy.

To hell with decent plots and characters. What we want in eastenders are headline-grabbing gimmick storylines, no matter how ridiculous they are. Lol! Eastenders was always larger-than-life, but surely there must be some limits.

by Stormsworder January 6, 2007

sun

1: The parent star of our planet.

2: A so-called newspaper which you need an IQ of less than 12 to fully appreciate.

There are millions of stars in this galaxy alone, let alone all the countless other galaxies. If every star is a sun, there could be countless Earth-like worlds.

by Stormsworder November 16, 2006

kryten

An android from the sci-fi/comedy series Red Dwarf, Kryten looks like a human wearing metallic clothes, but has a cube-like, geometric head. He became a regular in Series 3, played by Robert Llewellyn, but was actually first seen in an episode of Series 2 in which the Red Dwarf crew find him on a crashed spacecraft. He has been programmed to look after the crew of the marooned craft, but didn't realise they had been dead for many years. Played by Dave Ross, his original character was based on the butler in 'The Admirable Crichton'. Taken back to Red Dwarf, he was persuaded to rebel against Rimmer's task-master treatment and went joy-riding on Lister's space bike. In the Series 3 prologue (freeze-frame the tape/DVD to read it) it was revealed he had crashed, and that Lister had put him back together but had been unable to restore his original personality. Since then Lister has fought a losing battle trying to encourage Kryten to break his programming (by developing emotions, being able to lie etc). It has been revealed that Kryten can change heads, can detach his hand and send it to bring help, and can remove his eyes (useful for when communicating with human-hating psychotic androids).

Kryten: What a smeeee. What a smeeeee. What a smeeeeeee heeeeeeeee....

by Stormsworder October 18, 2006

sea monster

Ever since the human race took to the high seas there have been stories of unidentified sea monsters. Even in this age of science, there are still sightings of sea beasts which go unexplained. Many sightings, I'm certain, can be explained away by giant squid, whales and the like, but there still remains the fact that only one per-cent of the sea has been properly explored. Megaladon, a giant prehistoric shark, is said to have died out millions of years ago, but teeth only thousands of years old have been found. Some sea monsters resemble plesiosaurs, a kind of dinosaur-like animal thought to have died out some sixty-five million years ago. Scientists claim a cold-blooded reptile would never be able to tolerate the cold water. This is despite the fact that plesiosaurs (as well as icthiosaurs) are known to have inhabited freezing seas. And, as dinosaurs are now thought to have been warm-blooded, I see no reason why animals like plesiosaurs couldn't have also been warm-blooded. One famous sea monster is 'Morgawr', an unidentified animal said to live around Falmouth Bay in Cornwall. Two photographs, sent into a newspaper in the seventies by 'Mary F', show what seems to be a curious long-necked animal. However, as they are both in silhouette and 'Mary F' has never revealed herself, I don't know quite what to make of these photos. Though personally I'm sure there are many animals, maybe including plesiosaurs or plesiosaur-like animals, still awaiting discovery in the sea.

I often despair of people who seem to make it their life's work to prove some sea monster or lake monster doesn't exist. Whatever has happened to the human urge to explore and discover the unknown?

by Stormsworder December 30, 2006

halloween

This was once a pagan festival. Now it is an excuse for kids to come round in silly 'horror' costumes demanding money or sweets, sometimes throwing eggs at your house if you don't give them anything. Was also used as the title and setting for a series of films.

A couple of ghosties started fighting on halloween. They were pulled off by the ghoulies.

by Stormsworder February 4, 2007

crash bandicoot

Star of many video games, Crash Bandicoot was one of the victims of the power-mad Dr Neo Cortex, who tried to cause rapid evolution in animals in order to turn them into his army of heavies. Crash, together with his sister Coco Bandicoot and their friend Crunch Bandicoot, are now dedicated to putting a spoke in every wheel of evil plotting Cortex dreams up. The best games in Crash's history, in my view, are 'Cortex Strikes Back' and 'Twinsanity'. In the latter, Crash was forced to team up with Cortex in order to foil the plans of two power-mad birds (who were former pets of Cortex).

Cortex: I'll destroy you and take over this world.

Crash Bandicoot: Uh....

Cortex: I shall be the supreme being of the universe!

Crash: Uh....

Cortex: You've a real way with words, do you know that?!

by StormSworder August 13, 2006

box

1: A package used to keep things or delivery things through the post in.

2: A way of fighting using the fists. Professional boxing involves two people trying to be the first to knock the other out for a count of ten.

3: A female genetalia. Other slang for female genetalia include halibut, front bottom, pussy, twat, cunt.

Put the items in a box and send it through the post

by Stormsworder April 3, 2007