Stormsworder's definitions

post box

A slit you put things into and they disappear never to be seen again.

I posted a cheque a few weeks ago, put it in the post box, and no-one knows where it is now.

by Stormsworder October 22, 2006

bratz

Supposedly the 'new' Barbie, these dolls, with their plastered-on make-up, their sly expressions and their scanty clothing seem to represent a rather unpleasant trend. We are, after all, living in a society which is determined to take innocence away from youngsters. Children are encouraged to dress like miniature hookers from earlier ages than ever, and toys like Bratz dolls are doing nothing to stop the creation of a generation of girls who think sex is the only thing that matters in any relationship.

There are no end of little girls dressed like Bratz dolls. And have you ever wondered what goes on in the minds of people who design tarty underwear for nine-year-old girls?

by Stormsworder February 21, 2007

Gordon Brown

Unelected Prime Minister of the UK who became PM by some kind of divine appointment and proceded to hand over any power left in the country to a load of unelected sharks in the EU. When he was chancellor, Brown squandered money like it was going out of style. He wasted billions on illegal invasions, stupid pet projects like the Dome, employing a legion of civil servants and quangos, and sold Britain's gold reserves when the value of gold was at an all-time low. He ended up taxing everyone to death and raiding pensions. Basically he has always wanted the job of PM, isn't bothered in the slightest if he has no idea of what he's supposed to do. Now the likes of Milliband are sharpening their knives, waiting to steal his crown, but to be honest he has nothing to worry about. His party is just a collection of gutless no-hopers who between them couldn't run a bath.

If I was a parent or teacher and I saw Gordon Brown coming towards the school playground grinning that grin of his I think I'd call the police.

by Stormsworder October 17, 2008

Internet hardman

An internet hardman is someone who goes online in chat rooms, message boards and the like and insults, belittles and abuses other people. His avatar will probably be some image that gives the impression he's a hardcase, and he'll probably have some tagline like "Shut the fuck up" or "Who you dissin" or "When the master's talking you shut it". But if you were to meet this person face to face you would probably find he is either a skinny or dumpy nerd with thick glasses and his vest tucked into his skidmark-stained y-fronts, has no social life to speak of, has a relationship with a collection of porno mags and has never spoken to a girl.

"I am the Internet Hardman. You are a sad loser and an idiot".
"Fuck off back to your smelly bedroom, you no-life waste of space".

by Stormsworder June 23, 2009

sly cooper

A raccoon who was heir to a book about how to steal stuff, but unfortunately the book itself was stolen. A sign of our times. So, with the help of a thing that looks like a bishop's crook, a pink hippo and a tortoise, you must embark on a mission across the world to recover Sly's trousers. The three games that follow are so bloody tedious I'd advise him to stay at home and take up fly-fishing and full-contact scrabble instead.

Hey, so Sly's games are boring and Sly himself is a weed. But on the other hand you get to play a raccoon with no trousers, and you can climb all over a big fox-woman with massive jugs, and things like that are far more important! Sly Cooper for furry of the month! Wahay!

by Stormsworder September 7, 2007

virgin

1: An island or other piece of land which is undiscovered.

2: A person or animal who has never had sex. This could be for a variety of reasons, but if there were more virgins there might be less STDs, less unwanted pregnancies and less babies who grow up being ignored by their uninterested parents, having no chance in life at all and ending up in the gutter or on drugs. The problem is that people are so often made to feel that admitting you're a virgin is akin to admitting you're a leper.

I'm sure most virgins have had sex on their own, if you get my drift. Despite us humans claiming we're superior to animals, primal instincts are still within us.

Schoolgirls:

Emma: So, Rachel. You had sex yet?
Rachel: No. I'm only thirteen. Anyway, I'm going to save myself for the right man.
Emma and her friends laugh and start chanting 'Rachel's a virgin'.

by StormSworder August 11, 2006

lamp post

A structure used to hold a lantern in place with the intention of lighting roads, footpaths, car parks or other such areas at night. They generally consist of a post (or 'column'), and an arm (or 'bracket') onto which the lantern is inserted. The first 'lamp posts' probably consisted of burning torches on top of wooden poles around villages. Gas lamps were originally used in modern society, but their light had a very limited range, and they had to be lit by hand every night. In the twentieth century electric lamp posts became commonplace, are now to be found in towns, villages, cities, on motorways and other main roads everywhere. Originally they were made of cast-iron, but throughout the decades lighter metal lamp posts gradually came into use. Concrete lamp posts became popular during the fifties, as they did not need to be painted and were sturdy. These kinds of lamp posts (which are the best in my personal opinion, especially the older, more ornate ones)have concrete brackets with metal pipes inside them. Although there were concrete lamp posts before the war, the shortage of metal during and after the war probably helped their popularity. In recent years, however, concrete lamp posts are all being removed due to corrosion or the worry they could be dangerous if someone crashed into one and it fell on either them or a passer-by. (It is actually the metal piping inside the bracket, along with the bolts holding it to the post, which rust, buckling out of shape and cracking the concrete. If it wasn't for this you could probably have a concrete lamp post which lasted forever). Metal and plastic lamp posts are now in common use, many without brackets.

They are now putting modern (albeit cheap) lamp posts up all around the towns and villages. This has the negative effect of making the place look tacky and detracting from the beauty of the place.

by Stormsworder January 12, 2007