Definitions by QuacksO
good spirits
A. A positive cheerful jovial mood
B. Higher-quality alcoholic beverages that contribute to the elevated frame of mind described in Example A
B. Higher-quality alcoholic beverages that contribute to the elevated frame of mind described in Example A
My bibulous and finicky neighbor is in "good spirits" only if he has access to ample quantities of **good spirits**, as in, finer-tasting (and also costlier!) liquors than the bargain-basement Black Velvet variety.
good spirits by QuacksO February 4, 2017
Catch-23
One logical step beyond the classic "Catch-22" (you may be excused from bombing missions if you've become combat-crazed, but if you're mentally able to actually request to be excused, then this indicates that you must also still be sane enough to continue fighting), this horrendously unreasonable and unrealistic stipulation states that if you are physically/mentally/emotionally disabled, you are eligible to begin receiving disability benefits, but if you are fit/lucid enough to be able to apply for said benefits and to properly fill out the required paperwork, then you must not be too disabled to hold a job.
I'm probably eligible for veteran's children's benefits, since I am unable to hold a job due to my traumatic upbringing caused by my veteran father's PTSD, but I am afraid to apply for it because I might not only be turned down due to Catch-23, but I might also lose my SSI and Food Stamps, since my act of applying would cause me to be brought more to "their" attention, and thus I would greatly risk being a victim of "and furthermore" syndrome.
self-help paradox
The age-old conundrum of "people who seek self-improvement vs. people who need self-improvement" --- generally speaking, the people who are conscientious and unashamedly self-examining enough to actively seek ways to improve themselves do not really need to self-improve very much, whereas the people who truly do need to improve themselves will not admit that they even HAVE a self-inadequacy problem, and so they arrogantly/impatiently refuse to seek or accept help in improving their character or behavior (think, the infamous "getters gettin' got" conversation between Madea and Dr. Phil).
Client, to counsellor, at the outset of their weekly meeting: Breaker one-five for reality check --- come on back?
Counsellor, playing along: Yeah, go ahead, Breaker --- reading you wall-to-wall and treetop-tall.
Client: Thanks --- that's a big ten-four, good buddy. Well, I'm in the process of trying to improve myself, and so I thought I'd send a random shout-out over the waves to check my progress. I've been trying to be more sociable and patient and helpful to everyone, visualize things more from their perspective, and so on.
Counsellor: Well, eights and other good numbers to you on THAT one, good buddy --- that's certainly a positive start. Have you tried self-help books?
Client: Oh, a great BIG ten-four THERE, good buddy --- I've read at least a half-dozen of 'em cover-to-cover, and loved every page; the problem, though, is that I never seem to find any new ideas --- most everything in there is stuff I already know about and am actively practicing, so the books just reassuringly confirm the nature and wisdom of my efforts, not provide fresh perspectives for further improvement.
Counsellor: Ah... well, ten-four, good buddy --- I totally "get you" there... the old "self-help paradox", eh?? The only people who'll read those books are ones who don't need 'em!
Counsellor, playing along: Yeah, go ahead, Breaker --- reading you wall-to-wall and treetop-tall.
Client: Thanks --- that's a big ten-four, good buddy. Well, I'm in the process of trying to improve myself, and so I thought I'd send a random shout-out over the waves to check my progress. I've been trying to be more sociable and patient and helpful to everyone, visualize things more from their perspective, and so on.
Counsellor: Well, eights and other good numbers to you on THAT one, good buddy --- that's certainly a positive start. Have you tried self-help books?
Client: Oh, a great BIG ten-four THERE, good buddy --- I've read at least a half-dozen of 'em cover-to-cover, and loved every page; the problem, though, is that I never seem to find any new ideas --- most everything in there is stuff I already know about and am actively practicing, so the books just reassuringly confirm the nature and wisdom of my efforts, not provide fresh perspectives for further improvement.
Counsellor: Ah... well, ten-four, good buddy --- I totally "get you" there... the old "self-help paradox", eh?? The only people who'll read those books are ones who don't need 'em!
self-help paradox by QuacksO February 3, 2017
visa versa
Tongue-in-cheek description of a certain type of give-and-take "assistance contract", whereby either:
(1) Person A provides companionship/intimacy to Person B in exchange for his spending money on Person A (i.e., using with his **Visa** card), or
(2) Person A agrees to marry Person B --- or at least to provide Person B with one or more "services" of a similar nature as in Example 1 --- so that Person B will "pull strings" with the authorities to provide Person A with a green card or temporary citizenship (a "visa"), so that Person A will be able to legally reside in Person B's country for an extended period of time.
(1) Person A provides companionship/intimacy to Person B in exchange for his spending money on Person A (i.e., using with his **Visa** card), or
(2) Person A agrees to marry Person B --- or at least to provide Person B with one or more "services" of a similar nature as in Example 1 --- so that Person B will "pull strings" with the authorities to provide Person A with a green card or temporary citizenship (a "visa"), so that Person A will be able to legally reside in Person B's country for an extended period of time.
Financially-solvent dude: It seems like nearly all the cute chicks I've met expect me to go by the "I grant you what you desire, and visa versa" deal... why does romance seem to always have a string attached?!??
visa versa by QuacksO February 2, 2017
alternative mounds of joy
Refers to any of a girl's "sumptuous 'n' squeezable" bulges of pliable muscle-tissue other than her boobs or butt --- specifically, her shoulders, bicepses, and calves. The theory is that even if a soft-flesh-craving dude cannot acceptably access any "T&A" on his present female companion --- either because she prefers a more platonic relationship or they're presently in too public a setting for him to be able to touch her intimately --- he can still at least partially alleviate his raging "kneadable protoplasm" desires by filling his thirsting hands with these other "delicacies" instead.
Horny stud: Tiffany and I haven't talked about "taking it to the next level" yet, but I get the feeling that she would prefer to remain just at "second base" for the time being, so I think I'll just stick to massaging and caressing her alternative mounds of joy for now... hey, she's totally got delightfully warm and doeskin-soft flesh all over, so I feel satisfied and honored just being allowed access to even that much.
alternative mounds of joy by QuacksO February 1, 2017
long-winded discussion
Refers to any meeting between two or more people that takes place after they have all partaken of voluminous quantities of baked beans or spiced cabbage, resulting in a comparably voluminous quantity of drawn-out butt-trumpet rasps.
"July is National baked bean Month" Pppppppp-rrrrrttttt. "Excuse me." Google "baked beans speech" for the entire hilarious long-winded discussion.
long-winded discussion by QuacksO January 31, 2017
ellendegeneration
The most recent crop of humans who have been apathetically corrupted by watching petty-sensational-BS talk-shows on cable.
Old fogy: I can't believe what horrid selfish lazy crap comes outta the mouths of the ellendegeneration these days... why, when I was a child, we had to blaw, blaw, blah, blah...
ellendegeneration by QuacksO January 28, 2017