Definitions by QuacksO

Ahkeelyou's heel 

Achmed's weakness.

It is often quite difficult to get Achmed to cooperate or even hold a decent conversation, but if you offer him a bomb or other device of mass-destruction, that is his Ahkeelyou's heel, and you will totally have him eatin' outta yer hand --- anything that involves widespread annihilation and catastrophic ruination appeals to him immensely.

Ahkeelyou's heel by QuacksO April 7, 2019

cumuppance

Your "just deserts" for sexual irresponsibilty, such as contracting an STD, getting pregnant, etc.

One should either always use condoms or practice abstinence, so as to avoid unexpected cumuppances.

cumuppance by QuacksO April 7, 2019

diabettic 

An insulin-dependent person whose condition causes him to purchase way too many scratch-off tickets.

My cousin is a diabettic, so I always take her grocery-shopping at the local Amish store where they eschew anything to do with gambling, so that she doesn't feel tempted by any of those rolls of shiny removable-paint-dotted cards.

diabettic by QuacksO April 7, 2019

historyectomy 

Refers to a procedure whereby someone who is so fed up with past events that he has this knowledge removed from his mind.

I got so sick and tired of having history drummed into me in school that after graduation I made an appointment with a medical specialist and had a historyectomy performed.

historyectomy by QuacksO April 7, 2019

pharmapseudocals 

All of da b**ls**t-quackery prescription drugs dat are usually not very effective and are often more potent and toxic than many "illegal" drugs.

I've only taken one prescription-med pill in my entire life --- under the direction of a licensed psychiatrist, of course --- and it violently disagreed with me, so I've totally swore off da whole kit 'n' kaboodle... no pharmapseudocals for me, thank you very much!

pharmapseudocals by QuacksO April 5, 2019

HOWE did he make stitches so fast??? 

He used his newly-invented sewing machine (duh!).

In a historic mid-1800's sewing-speed contest, Elias Howe was able to sew 250 stitches per minute on his mechanical wonder, as opposed to a mere thirty stitches that a group of professional seamstresses were able to make in that same allotment of time. I imagine that said fleet-fingered ladies exchanged astonished gawking stares and asked each other, "HOWE did he make stitches so fast???"

HOWE did he make stitches so fast??? by QuacksO April 5, 2019

open fifth 

Besides the "classic" musical-notes connotation, this phrase can also refer to either:
(1) Something you definitely don't wanna have in your car if you get pulled over. About the only exception, of course, would be if you're merely transporting empty gin-bottles to the redemption center; if this is the case, however, you will want to thoroughly drain and then neatly bag up said containers, and also either snugly cross-tie the bags' mouths or seal them with string or wire-twists so that (A) not much alcohol-fumes will escape to invalidly create a telltale fermented-beverage smell at your driver's door window, and (B) the officer can see that you weren't sipping from any of the containers yourself.
(2) The "wide latitude of interpretation" that the "right to remain silent" amendment is often subject to.

"I am hauling empty gin-bottles to the redemption center" is hardly an incriminating statement under most circumstances, so there should be no problem with any "open fifths", since conceivably you would have no need to remain silent if a policeman asks what's with all the bags of liquor-bottles in your back seat or trunk.

open fifth by QuacksO April 5, 2019