Definitions by QuacksO

twitness 

Someone present during a crime who is too stupid or unaware to be a reliable reporter of what he saw.

Ripping off a loony-bin is easier than at most other business-establishments because a lot of those present would just be twitnesses.

twitness by QuacksO September 19, 2020

Canadidate 

A member of our "friends to the north" who is running for office.

I live in the USA, so I guess it would be illegal for me to vote for any of the Canadidates this year.

Canadidate by QuacksO September 19, 2020

candylope diet

A weight-loss regiment where da only exercise ya get is to amble down da street to da sweets-shop.

Garfield finds health-foods to be intolerable, so da only weight-loss regimen he'd be able to stand would be da candylope diet.

candylope diet by QuacksO September 19, 2020

scrap metal 

What you call any steel/brass/aluminum item that you're too lazy or ignorant to repair.

I often find still-usable items at the junk yard that most folks consider to be merely scrap metal, but that I know how to salvage and make work again.

scrap metal by QuacksO September 15, 2020

motelity 

How capable one is of staying at a roadside-lodgings establishment. Could be affected by various things, such as the person's medical needs, or whether said individual has to wear an ankle-monitor.

Anytime I meet a new gal, I always hafta remember to inquire as to her motelity, just in case we can't always just do the standard "your place or mine?" routine when we wanna have a good time.

motelity by QuacksO September 15, 2020

"r" opposites 

Pairs of words that have a meaning which is "one-hundred-eighty degrees" different from each other when the letter "r" is added, such as "fiend" and "friend", "gem" and "germ", etc.

Perhaps the "r" opposites might have had a role to play in the infamous "cell phone static" call that got the totally-honorable-and-conscientious Enron officials in trouble --- you will notice that the moral-minded, "Ship the documents to the Feds" has no "r" letters in it, whereas the supposedly-uttered criminal statement, "Rip the documents to shreds" does indeed contain that letter a couple times, and has the exact opposite meaning.

"r" opposites by QuacksO September 15, 2020

gone with the wind 

The status of your sensitive-nosed companions after you fart.

If you love stewed cabbage and baked beans, using an activated-charcoal seat-cushion can better your chances that your visiting buddies will not "be gone with the wind" partway through your meal.

gone with the wind by QuacksO September 14, 2020