QuacksO's definitions

laffidavit

1. A statement of fact penned by a clown.
2. A statement of fact that is so absurd or sloppily-worded that you would get guffawed out of court if you presented it as evidence.

Norm Snively tried to present his ownership papers in court as evidence of his legal right to Air Bud, but thanks to Snively's spectacular dunking in the lake, said documents were nothing but tiny blobs of wet paper in a plastic bag, causing the judge to rule the inadmissible paper-mâché mess to be nothing but a laffidavit.

by QuacksO November 24, 2019

WhyMCA

A popular song from "da good ol' days" about a singer's friends asking him his reasoning behind signing on with the Music Corporation of America for producing his music-albums, instead of other record-companies like Sony, Philips, Decca, etc.

I am really puzzled as to why my favorite band didn't take BMG up on its much-better contract-offer for releasing their music... if I even get to meet the group in person, one of the first things I'd ask them would be, "WhyMCA?"

by QuacksO September 2, 2018

Murphy's Law of Gambling

"You can patronize the slots till Doomsday or buy any number of scratch-off tickets and never gain any significant winnings, but then just as soon as you stop playing, the very next player will win big."

Many an addicted gamer believes in Murphy's Law of Gambling, even though it is indeed :"all chance" and thus seldom actually works out that way.

by QuacksO September 12, 2019

roadside untwisting-stroll

Refers to a fairly-short trek dat you take along da gravel shoulder of da highway by your house while dragging a long and somewhat-twisted/kinked length of rope, wire, tubing, etc behind you; da purpose is to gently/evenly extend said cord back out and allow da"free" or "trailing" end to rotate freely and thus unwind/remove/relax any coils and other unwanted tensioning. After you have walked an appropriate distance to adequately even everything out, you then begin carefully coiling your cord over your arm while continuing to galumph along, so dat da other end of da cord will still be free to rotate, and thus your winding-motion will not create additional twisting of da cord as you reel it in.

I occasionally get an odd look or two from passing motorists while performing a roadside untwisting-stroll after using a garden-hose or extension-cord, but I have yet to have anyone actually ask me about it... I guess most folks understand dat "you gotta do what you gotta do" in a case like this, and dey figger dat "if it gets da job done, more power to ya".

by QuacksO April 29, 2019

VHS-preview

Refers to where you wish to view a certain motion-picture creation for the first time, but DVDs or BluRay disks of that title are rather pricey, and so you are hesitant to shell out that much when you can't be sure that you would even like the movie all that much, anyway. So what you do is to initially purchase a used VHS tape of said film for just two or three bucks... sure, the tape may be an old worn scratchy thing that doesn't give all that pristine a picture, but at least you will be able to view the movie and see what it's about and how good it is, and then decide if you wanna "upgrade" to a more-costly digital disc of this title.

Now that so many older movie-titles are available on YouTube and other online video-viewing sites, there is often less of a need to perform a VHS-preview of a particular movie, since you may be able to just watch it online, and thus be able to "determine for free" if you want to buy a copy of it on DVD or BluRay.

by QuacksO June 8, 2019

Only trees should wear wood

The tree-hugger's equivalent of the endangered-animal-species advocate's "only elephants should wear ivory" saying. Hear, hear!

Nowadays there are plenty of "alternative" materials we can use instead of pulp-fiber in the production of lumber, paper, etc.... only trees should wear wood; we need them --- along with the plankton in the ocean --- for creating our planet's oxygen.

by QuacksO November 17, 2018

homieopathy

Spending time wif one or more of your local chums in order to ease your cravings for a large crowd of friendly folks.

If yer trying to cure yourself of going to bingo, homieopathy might be a suitable regimen, since da company of all da other players is one major reason dat a lot of people find da game appealing, not merely da prospect of wining a sizeable "pot".

by QuacksO August 23, 2025