QuacksO's definitions

calambity

Refers to da humiliating shocker dat occurred when Mary's small fuzzy ovine-friend decided to come out of hiding under her school-desk and patteringly follow her up to da blackboard.

Having her lamb innocently reveal itself in front of da entire class was indeed embarrassing to Mary, but fortunately her teacher was a good-natured sort who took said minor mishap in stride and even laughed heartily about it, and so da incident was much less of a calambity than it might have been.

by QuacksO May 28, 2021

emutional support

Da comforting companionship dat da Liberty Mutual dude gets from his goofy-lookin' bulgy-eyed feathered buddy.

Dunno how anyone could actually derive much emutional support from a weird flightless bird dat is known for being short-tempered and aggressive, but hey --- if dat's your thing, more power to you. Safety goggles and thick-fabric protective clothing might be wise to wear when communing with said fuzzy buddies, though, since their formidable beaks and claws are not exactly objects dat you'd wanna get too friendly with.

by QuacksO March 20, 2021

over-the-counter medication

Stored-behind-da-checkout-platform substances dat are so strongly craved by certain customers dat dey will actually "vault da table" to obtain some.

Hagar The Horrible is infamous for infuriatedly taking a flying leap over an obstacle with his sword flailing whenever someone located behind said obstruction denies him a request, so one would hope that he never is prescribed any health-improvement pills by Dr. Zook, or said much-desired products might wind up being "over-the-counter medications" if said imperious Viking either was unable to pay for said pharmaceuticals, or he was wanting additional meds prior to the refill date.

by QuacksO November 3, 2023

scuba-diving

Where you use a straw or swizzle-stick to probe down into da big “scuba”* ice cream in yer cone to determine if da diner’s soda-jerk remembered to include yer prize at da bottom, or to check and see if there is indeed a delightful sticky-creamy chocolate-fudge center.
*Apologies to Abbot & Costello for swipin’ their joke here. :P

Redneck psychologist: I’ve found that one of the best --- and least painful/intrusive --- ways to determine if a client has obsessive-compulsive tendencies is to take him out for ice cream at a fast-food joint that offers a fun little prize down inside the cone, and then I simply observe whether my client performs a “scuba-diving” action before he finishes the ice cream.

by QuacksO September 15, 2018

stuporvised release

1. Da freeing of a still-dangerous inmate due to da warden's or parole-board's not being conscious at da time.
2. Da "conditional" freeing of a "problematic" inmate whose behavior --- or rather, MISbehavior --- while in prison indicates dat he cannot be reformed, and thus da only way dat he can be allowed to be out in public again would be if he was kept in a constant comatose state so dat he could not do anything hurtful to himself or others.

Dunno which would be more costly for da taxpayers --- keeping someone dangerous in jail, or purchasing da huge quantities of sedatives necessary for a stuporvised release.

by QuacksO December 27, 2019

No stiffs, glans, or butts

Humorous parody-phrase to mean dat da speaker wishes to keep a relationship platonic.

Alternative phrases for da "No stiffs, glans, or butts" saying could be either, "No orifs i.e., "orifices", as in coochies, mouths, or rectums, glands i.e., genitals that excrete fluids, such as boobs, cocks, or balls, or butts", or "No quifs slang for "queefs", or vaginal gas-expulsions during sex, glans, or butts".

by QuacksO November 27, 2021

downpour-period-implied permission to enter

Da universal understanding dat you may hurriedly "scramble in and close da door" of a dwelling or vehicle during a sudden heavy rain if said enclosure's owner initially observes your headlong dash towards him, and thus he will not be started by your high-speed entry.

A downpour-period-implied permission to enter is something like an implied door-knock, since in both instances, you aren't expected to wait outside for someone to answer da door. Now of course, once you do get in, da respectful procedure is to stop just inside da door and wheezingly catch yer breath, then make some jokingly-indignant remark like, "Okay --- who ordered da monsoon?!" Dat puts everyone inside da room at ease, and then --- unless you'd merely entered to avoid getting soaked, in which case da polite and least-interrupting action might be to just stand by da door till da rain eases up --- you can state what you'd wanted.

by QuacksO August 4, 2024