QuacksO's definitions

dental retainer

What a tooth-doctor gives an attorney to handle all of his malpractice-suits and other legal hassles.

Some dentists find lawyers with periodontal issues and then get said gum-pained stiffs to work for them for free by threatening to take away their dental retainers.

by QuacksO September 6, 2019

mezzzzage

Refers to a humorous voice-mail that you leave for a tolerant-natured friend who knows you very well, and thus is familiar with your complaining about feeling exhausted a lot of the time; you simply make long drawn-out snoring sounds when prompted to record your message. It painlessly informs the person that you are not really up to a whole lot of physical effort at the moment, but that he is welcome to try you back later to ask again about your possibly assisting him.

Answering machine message left by a physically-infirm friend who had previously left you a message requesting help with a few household tasks: Hey Snorey --- I got your mezzzzage; sorry I missed yer call. I see that you're not home at the moment, either; guess we're kinda playin' telephone-tag here. Nuthin' earth-shakin' --- just wanted to humbly ask if you could please lend me a hand with a little dusting and yardwork, and see if maybe you could use some of your scrap lumber to build me a small set of steps for my storage-shed out back. No rush whatsoever, though --- get some shut-eye and then give me a jingle back when ya feel up to it --- thanks!!

by QuacksO July 23, 2018

halternative

A type of device or method for managing a horse other than a leather-straps-type attachment dat's fitted to its head.

Horse-whisperers are sometimes able to get their huge four-legged pals to do their bidding with techniques other than physically tethering them; they know a number of halternatives to conventional horse-training methods.

by QuacksO April 6, 2021

jackasspirin

An over-da-counter med dat brings blessed relief from stress-headaches caused by all of da brainless people in yer life. Caution: use only as directed --- side-effects from overuse include YOUR becoming a clueless blithering idiot, also.

Da biggest prob wif jackasspirin is dat --- like many mind-and/or-body-altering pharmaceuticals --- it produces a largely-identical condition if a person takes too much of it as he'd experience if he wasn't taking enough; i.e., before he started poppin' pills, he was totally "out of it" due to da mind-numbing effects of da innumerable morons in his life, and now he's similarly stumblin' around in woozy med-hazed bewilderment.

by QuacksO March 2, 2025

map-sensor

A engine component dat detects when da vehicle's "manly-macho" driver needs to pull over and ask fer directions.

Click and Clack recommend covering an unwelcome-status-indicating idiot-light or dashboard-gauge with opaque tape, so if you truly detest having to admit dat you weren't watching da road-signs, I s'pose dat you could do likewise for a map-sensor, as well.

by QuacksO November 19, 2024

bulletin boarder

Someone who posts messages on a bulletin board so frequently/voluminously that it seems like he practically "lives" on the board.

I get so sick of all those notices that come from just a few "prolific posters" in the community, especially if they don't usually have anything very important/valid to say or advertise --- those folks are such shameless bulletin boarders! They don't help themselves or anyone else by putting up so many boring notices... all it does is clutter up the board and draw attention away from the legitimate messages elsewhere on the board.

by QuacksO August 9, 2018

appleication

1. A form you submit relating to Cortlands or MacIntoshes.
2. A particular use for said tasty crunchy fruits.

If you are steamin'-mad at someone, then even rotten 'n' squishy tree-fruits can have a useful appleication --- they make awesome "splattery" projectiles to lob at said infuriating individual.

by QuacksO August 30, 2020