Nuphagus's definitions

Autignorant

When somebody is so rude that you wonder if they’re autistic.

I said good morning to Clive three times this morning and even offered him a biscuit and he just grunted and took no notice. Then he got up farted and walked off. He’s autignorant!

by Nuphagus December 31, 2019

Turd of prey

A big, fresh dog poo waiting just around a busy corner to ruin a poor, unsuspecting pedestrian’s day

I was out jogging in my brand new, white sneakers yesterday, turned into north street and went surfing on a massive turd of prey! I swear it was just waiting to ruin my trainers. I spent 5 hours cleaning cack out of the soles with my mum’s toothbrush!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Transitvestite

A cross dresser who drives a Ford van

“This right munter turned up on site in a white van the other day. I thought she must be health and safety or something. About half hour later she started bumping out concrete blocks with hands like shovels! Then I noticed the hairy legs and size 12 steelys! The woman was a geezer! A proper transitvestite!”

by Nuphagus November 24, 2019

The urinal countdown

The last ten seconds to make it to the toilet before you wet your pants.

Outta the way you lot! I’ve gotta get to the loo. I’m gonna pee my pants in about 5 seconds! I’m halfway through the urinal countdown!

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Scumcosh

Really baggy scrotum making the testicles resemble snooker balls in a sock, as used by Ray Winston in the movie,’Scum’

That dude should’ve worn some longer shorts! Look, his scumcosh is hanging out of the gusset!

by Nuphagus January 5, 2020

Jingle bellend

An idiot at Christmas

You should’ve seen Colin at the office Christmas party. He squeezed Debbie from resources nipples in a nutcracker and then dropped his trolleys and farted in the bowl of fruit punch! What a jingle bellend!

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Rubik’s pubes

When your pubic hair becomes so tangled and knotted it becomes painful to walk and nearly impossible to solve the puzzle of untangling them.

Hey Bruv, you’re grimacing every time you stand up or take a step. Have you got rubik’s pubes? I usually down a bottle of scotch then get my missus to rub some conditioner into them and softly comb them.

by Nuphagus December 11, 2019