Definitions by Nuphagus

Transitvestite 

A cross dresser who drives a Ford van

“This right munter turned up on site in a white van the other day. I thought she must be health and safety or something. About half hour later she started bumping out concrete blocks with hands like shovels! Then I noticed the hairy legs and size 12 steelys! The woman was a geezer! A proper transitvestite!”

Transitvestite by Nuphagus November 24, 2019

Scuffing the china 

Skidding up the toilet pan, leaving a trail of faeces on the toilet porcelain.

“Bruv, I swear, he had proper o.c.d! He said if I was having a poo, to make sure I used the loo brush! Ha! I done a massive dump and left a big skid down the back of his throne! He’ll ban me from his gaff for scuffing the China! It stank! Then I left.”

Scuffing the china by Nuphagus November 20, 2019

Milking the yellow teats

Squeezing spots, popping zits

“Mate, I bet you’re gonna be milking the yellow teats before you meet that bird tomorrow. You’ve got a face like a page from a Braille book in large print!”

Milking the yellow teats by Nuphagus November 20, 2019

Scrotal recall 

Being reminded why your testicles hurt the day after a drunken session.

“My nads were killing me when I woke up and I didn’t know why. Then Barry came round and gave me scrotal recall. He said I grabbed hold of Linda’s norms and she booted me right in the queensburys!”

Scrotal recall by Nuphagus November 15, 2019

Backnose 

The anus, ring piece, bumhole

“Crikey mate, have someone cracked their trolleys or as one of you sneezed out of ya backnose?” , “I hope you’ve got some baby wipes in the bog! I’ve got the itch cos I didn’t wipe my backnose properly!”

Backnose by Nuphagus November 14, 2019

Whistling choc chips 

To follow through with a fart and soil yourself

“I think you need to check your grots Bruv. That one sounded like you whistled choc chips!”, “I had the trots so bad I had to throw four pairs of pants away yesterday. Every time I farted, I was whistling choc chips! It ruined the wedding.”

Whistling choc chips by Nuphagus November 14, 2019

Crimson hubcaps 

Extremely large nipples

“Mate, I reckon those big ok’ bangers are fitted with crimson hubcaps! Look at the size of the wheel nuts!“

Crimson hubcaps by Nuphagus November 14, 2019