Nuphagus's definitions

Penith

A complete knob with a lisp

We were having some drinks at a barbecue and I stripped off to my grots for a laugh, and he shouted,”thtop it and thit down you thtupid thod! It’th embarathing Thimon!”. What a total penith!

by Nuphagus January 19, 2020

Volcanus

A particularly explosive bottom during a poo

Strike a light, my bum was like an erupting volcanus this morning! The minute my cheeks touched the seat,’BANG!’, there was brown lava spewing out of my crater. Good job I didn’t try and fart or I’d have got magma in my grots for sure!

by Nuphagus April 12, 2020

Shaggy walnut

Scrotum

Stanley thought it would be funny to cut a hole in the wooden bowl of mixed nuts and poke his bollocks through. Auntie Beryl nearly had a cardiac arrest when she pulled out a Brazil, a couple of almonds and his shaggy walnut! He did when she took the nutcracker to it!

by Nuphagus April 12, 2020

Plopportunity

The chance to have a crafty dump behind a bush when nobody is watching

I had a tortoise head! The girls were all chatting and I had bit of old tissue in my pocket, so I dived in the hedge and turned one out! It was the perfect plopportunity.

by Nuphagus February 26, 2020

Corollavirus

Illness suffered by people who are sick of their old Toyota

I heard banging and swearing outside this morning. I looked out and Rex was smashing up his old Japanese motor with a sledgehammer! I reckon he’s got corollavirus!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Turd of prey

A big, fresh dog poo waiting just around a busy corner to ruin a poor, unsuspecting pedestrian’s day

I was out jogging in my brand new, white sneakers yesterday, turned into north street and went surfing on a massive turd of prey! I swear it was just waiting to ruin my trainers. I spent 5 hours cleaning cack out of the soles with my mum’s toothbrush!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Seven mile itch

Itchy anus which occurs when you’re at least seven miles walk away from a toilet. Usually due to being one wipe short of a clean bum.

I had dump just before the half marathon started. The bog roll was like tracing paper! I got halfway round and got the seven mile itch! I spent the last 6 miles scratching my ring piece and the next 6 hours with my Harris in a bowl of warm water!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020