Muff buzzard

Sad individual who spends whole evenings in a pub or club hovering round a woman hoping for a bit of action.

Look at that creep circling around that bird trying to get his end away. What a muff buzzard!

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Plopportunity

The chance to have a crafty dump behind a bush when nobody is watching

I had a tortoise head! The girls were all chatting and I had bit of old tissue in my pocket, so I dived in the hedge and turned one out! It was the perfect plopportunity.

by Nuphagus February 26, 2020

Bum the hamster

To catch the end of your penis in the zip of your trousers.

I’ve started wearing button fly jeans now. Every time I do up a zip I seem to bum the hamster. It kills the end of my todger and hurts like heck trying to get it back out again!

by Nuphagus December 11, 2019

Bumguffery

The art of dropping sneaky farts in naughty places, I.e weddings, funerals or minute silences.

Horrence was up to his usual bumguffery at Reg and Hilda’s golden wedding anniversary. Reg was just giving his speech. He said ,”I’m lucky enough to say I’ve spent half a century married to this wonderful...”, and Horrence let one go at about 100 decibels!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Bumguffery

The covert art of leaving a room after doing a smelly, lingering fart.

Strewth! What’s that stench in here. I detect the distinct whiff of bumguffery

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Turban myth

Urban legend that is popular in India

I heard that if you’re naughty, Ganesh, the elephant god, will come out of your cupboard and hoover your toys up his trunk. I think it’s just a turban myth.

by Nuphagus December 26, 2019

Corollavirus

Illness suffered by people who are sick of their old Toyota

I heard banging and swearing outside this morning. I looked out and Rex was smashing up his old Japanese motor with a sledgehammer! I reckon he’s got corollavirus!

by Nuphagus March 14, 2020