Definitions by Nuphagus

Umbollockle cord 

A pubic hair which gets trapped in your flys making it impossible to stand up without hurting your scrotum

I tried doing my zip up under the table cos I could feel a draught round my todger, but when I went to stand up I thought I was gonna pull my ballbag off! It was trapped by an umbollockle cord!

Umbollockle cord by Nuphagus December 26, 2019

Turban myth

Urban legend that is popular in India

I heard that if you’re naughty, Ganesh, the elephant god, will come out of your cupboard and hoover your toys up his trunk. I think it’s just a turban myth.

Turban myth by Nuphagus December 26, 2019

Derelict

To old to have children

Man,my old lady’s eggs must’ve dried up. We went to the doctors and she’s derelict!

Derelict by Nuphagus December 24, 2019

Bumguffery 

The covert art of leaving a room after doing a smelly, lingering fart.

Strewth! What’s that stench in here. I detect the distinct whiff of bumguffery

Bumguffery by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Palmed throbbery 

Masterbating

His missus caught him bang to rights committing palmed throbbery in the shed! He was sentenced to a year of being the laughingstock of the boozer.

Palmed throbbery by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Jingle bellend 

An idiot at Christmas

You should’ve seen Colin at the office Christmas party. He squeezed Debbie from resources nipples in a nutcracker and then dropped his trolleys and farted in the bowl of fruit punch! What a jingle bellend!

Jingle bellend by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Cracktating 

Accidentally leaking diarrhoea in trousers

Ha ha! Look at that brown, wet patch on the bum of that fella’s strides! He must be cracktating!

Cracktating by Nuphagus December 19, 2019