Definitions by Nuphagus

Godbeered 

To be overtaken by a hulking, behemoth of a man running like a cheetah on rocket skates.

“I was doing about 60 on my GPZ the other night. I rode past some meatheads having a go at a woman. I heard some shouting and the next thing I know I’ve been Godbeered! This huge,Minotaur looking fella went legging it past me like a whippet on crack!”

Godbeered by Nuphagus February 3, 2021

Volcanus 

A particularly explosive bottom during a poo

Strike a light, my bum was like an erupting volcanus this morning! The minute my cheeks touched the seat,’BANG!’, there was brown lava spewing out of my crater. Good job I didn’t try and fart or I’d have got magma in my grots for sure!

Volcanus by Nuphagus April 12, 2020

Shaggy walnut 

Scrotum

Stanley thought it would be funny to cut a hole in the wooden bowl of mixed nuts and poke his bollocks through. Auntie Beryl nearly had a cardiac arrest when she pulled out a Brazil, a couple of almonds and his shaggy walnut! He did when she took the nutcracker to it!

Shaggy walnut by Nuphagus April 12, 2020

Corollavirus 

Illness suffered by people who are sick of their old Toyota

I heard banging and swearing outside this morning. I looked out and Rex was smashing up his old Japanese motor with a sledgehammer! I reckon he’s got corollavirus!

Corollavirus by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Turd of prey 

A big, fresh dog poo waiting just around a busy corner to ruin a poor, unsuspecting pedestrian’s day

I was out jogging in my brand new, white sneakers yesterday, turned into north street and went surfing on a massive turd of prey! I swear it was just waiting to ruin my trainers. I spent 5 hours cleaning cack out of the soles with my mum’s toothbrush!

Turd of prey by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Seven mile itch 

Itchy anus which occurs when you’re at least seven miles walk away from a toilet. Usually due to being one wipe short of a clean bum.

I had dump just before the half marathon started. The bog roll was like tracing paper! I got halfway round and got the seven mile itch! I spent the last 6 miles scratching my ring piece and the next 6 hours with my Harris in a bowl of warm water!

Seven mile itch by Nuphagus March 14, 2020

Bumguffery 

The art of dropping sneaky farts in naughty places, I.e weddings, funerals or minute silences.

Horrence was up to his usual bumguffery at Reg and Hilda’s golden wedding anniversary. Reg was just giving his speech. He said ,”I’m lucky enough to say I’ve spent half a century married to this wonderful...”, and Horrence let one go at about 100 decibels!

Bumguffery by Nuphagus March 14, 2020