Jostlebot

Crappy homemade masterbating machine I.e pneumatically operated,mechanical Lego technic hand in a rubber glove.

I looked in quentin’s window the other day. He had a Henry hoover in a blonde wig and false eye lashes giving him a nosh! He said he was going home to test out his jostlebot!

by Nuphagus January 04, 2020

Drop the wogs off at the mosque

Have a poo

I’ve eaten too much. Where’s ya pan? I need to drop the wogs off at the mosque!

by Nuphagus January 04, 2020

Crimson hubcaps

Extremely large nipples

“Mate, I reckon those big ok’ bangers are fitted with crimson hubcaps! Look at the size of the wheel nuts!“

by Nuphagus November 14, 2019

Rubik’s pubes

When your pubic hair becomes so tangled and knotted it becomes painful to walk and nearly impossible to solve the puzzle of untangling them.

Hey Bruv, you’re grimacing every time you stand up or take a step. Have you got rubik’s pubes? I usually down a bottle of scotch then get my missus to rub some conditioner into them and softly comb them.

by Nuphagus December 11, 2019

Jingle bellend

An idiot at Christmas

You should’ve seen Colin at the office Christmas party. He squeezed Debbie from resources nipples in a nutcracker and then dropped his trolleys and farted in the bowl of fruit punch! What a jingle bellend!

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Big Mac and small fries

Three midgets standing on each other’s shoulders wearing a trench coat to look like a tall guy.

This 7ft tall fella pushed in front of me in the queue. I thought,”he’s a giant! I ain’t gonna mess with him!”. Then the coat buttons came undone and three dwarves tumbled out! That Big Mac and small fries ran out quick fast!

by Nuphagus December 19, 2019

Scrotal recall

Being reminded why your testicles hurt the day after a drunken session.

“My nads were killing me when I woke up and I didn’t know why. Then Barry came round and gave me scrotal recall. He said I grabbed hold of Linda’s norms and she booted me right in the queensburys!”

by Nuphagus November 15, 2019