Leslie Doppler Hammond's definitions

inside homosexual

Epithet for a man who has sex with other men, or sexually assaults other men, but only while in jail, prison,or a similar institution. Calculated to offend the frequent homophobia of such men, who are often closet cases in violent denial.

He made a grab for the new kid who'd been dancing around and looking too happy. So I said, "You inside homosexual, you lay off him, he doesn't know any better." Had to fight him, but it was worth it.

by Leslie Doppler Hammond September 8, 2007

Land of Entrapment

The US state of New Mexico. A play on the state's official nickname, "Land of Enchantment". The reference is really to the state's high poverty rate and relative lack of economic opportunity, which renders many people unable to get up enough money to leave, even if they want to.

I'd like to move to LA or Seattle, but here in Carlsbad, I can only get a part-time dishwashing job. So I guess I'm stuck here in the Land of Entrapment.

by Leslie Doppler Hammond February 21, 2008

geek office

The office at a college or university maintained by the institution to help students deal with technical problems with their computers.

Annie's Mac wasn't working right when she booted it, so she took it to the geek office and they fixed it for her.

by Leslie Doppler Hammond February 22, 2008

hate crime

Generally, a crime committed against one or more individuals for which there is evidence that the motivation was hatred of the race, religion, color, ethnicity, nationality, national origin, sexual orientation, or gender identity of the victim or victims.

"They tacked extra time on my sentence for a hate crime aggravation because I'm white and the guy I beat up was black. It seems black people get special protection. It's anti-white reverse racism."

"You asshole, three witnesses testified that you were screaming 'N****r, n****r, n****r' while you were kicking the shit out of him. If you'd kept your fucking mouth shut, the court might have gone easier on you. Though your KKK tattoo might still have made the jury suspicious."

by Leslie Doppler Hammond June 12, 2008

black brick

Any of the several models of the ThinkPad laptop computer, manufactured first by IBM and later by Lenovo. So called because of its black color and simple rectilinear appearance. Regarded as efficient, reliable, sturdy for a laptop, and relatively economical. Ubiquitous in business.

My old Dell died, so I bought a basic black brick, a slightly used IBM T-41, and I'm happy with it. It's not hi-res, I wouldn't use it for anything fancy, like online gaming. But it works well with WiFi, it gets my work done quickly and smoothly with very little trouble, and it only cost me $500.

by Leslie Doppler Hammond January 28, 2008

metroPOS

Colloquial term for the mobile-phone service provider metroPCS. The "POS" stands for "piece of shit", because of the notoriously poor service and support provided.

My cell phone company is metroPOS. So my calls are always getting dropped, I can't even use my phone outside a certain limited area, and I can't usually get connected to anyone at the so-called customer service line. If I have a real problem I have to go into the office in person. But it's relatively cheap, I don't have to sign any contract, and I get unlimited calling within the contiguous 48 states. Too bad my sister lives in Honolulu, so I have to text her and have her call me back when I want to talk to her.

by Leslie Doppler Hammond June 11, 2008

wank word

In the UK and the Commonwealth, a strongly derogatory and deliberately vulgar term for a buzzword, signifying that it is worthless and meaningless jargon. Wank words may be short phrases as well as single words. The word is most often used of corporate, official, or academic language.

Also, wank-word bingo: See example. Also known as buzzword bingo or bullshit bingo in various places throughout the English-speaking world.

Before the meeting, Rose slipped everyone a sheet of paper. Each piece was ruled into a 5x5 grid of squares. Each square was filled in with a typical corporate wank word, and each sheet had a different combination of wank words.

Rose told everybody that they could make the meeting more interesting by playing wank-word bingo. She advised everyone to mark off any wank word Sir Charles uttered, and that the first person to mark off five in a line, vertically, horizontally, or diagonally, would be the winner.

Sir Charles began his presentation, and quickly came to speak of mission, vision, rightsizing, human capital, synergies, ecosystems, stakeholders, taking ownership, performance challenges, and negative outcomes. When he spoke the word "solutions", Nigel jumped up and yelled "BINGO!" Hasty and not entirely plausible explanations had to be made immediately after.

(Note: All of the above names and characters are fictional. The characters bear only coincidental resemblance to any specific individuals.)

by Leslie Doppler Hammond March 16, 2008