Robert the Bruce was allowed to be King of Scotland after apologising to Mel Gibson for trying to kill him as a sort of witty joke. Encouraged by an encounter with a spider on the Isle of Arran, he burned his bannocks or "boxer shorts" in front of the English Army, and proceeded to slaughter them because of his ingenious rules of battle (whereby anyone who correctly guessed their enemy's nationality was allowed "free hits").
One day Robert the Bruce is coming back, and then certain people will be in big trouble. He will sort everything out. He will tell us what to do. He will buy us presents. He will let us bring in games instead of doing work, and he will give out mini Mars Bars for those who please him. He is not really dead, this is a vicious and unsubstantiated rumour propounded by the same scientists who claim that dinosaurs are extinct.
This is not a joke and is deadly serious. Also he will let us have a go on his horse.
One day Robert the Bruce is coming back, and then certain people will be in big trouble. He will sort everything out. He will tell us what to do. He will buy us presents. He will let us bring in games instead of doing work, and he will give out mini Mars Bars for those who please him. He is not really dead, this is a vicious and unsubstantiated rumour propounded by the same scientists who claim that dinosaurs are extinct.
This is not a joke and is deadly serious. Also he will let us have a go on his horse.
by kodiac1 July 04, 2006
Get the Robert the Bruce mug.Ramses II is most known as the pharaoh who built the space shuttle, however, recent discoveries have shown that he worked part time as the 43th president of the USA. Born in a deep cave in the desert, his life as a child was really boring because he had no one to talk to. At the age of 11 he developed superpowers and started building pyramids all over the place. This annoyed very much the inhabitants of the Nile region because he didn't have the required environmental permissions, and even more because he used up all the rocks and they had to build their houses from camel manure and dried lizards.
Making the Space Shuttle
Depressed by the lack of support by his own people, he decided to build an enormous rocket and go to the moon in search of happyness. He soon developed the space shuttle program. But then fell in love with a bearded woman, lost interest in the space program, and sold the rights to the shuttle to a small American company called NASA. He married the bearded woman, only to find that she was really a nigerian scammer called Bill Gates in disguise.
Finestrism
They founded a new religion, Finestrism, or the irrational belief that one can accomplish any task using windows. Their beginnings were very hard, as most of their followers didn't understand well the message and kept jumping through the window in hope of achieving enlightment, ethernal life or solitaire. But they eventually made a lot of money fixing clepsydras for the Year00 bug that had been discovered in windows95BC.
Ramses II died of the rabies in 1998 when he couldn't turn off the office helper. His body was mummified in the hope that the advances in medicine of the future will someday make him live again. His disconsolate widow low-level formatted his hard drive and installed XP.
Making the Space Shuttle
Depressed by the lack of support by his own people, he decided to build an enormous rocket and go to the moon in search of happyness. He soon developed the space shuttle program. But then fell in love with a bearded woman, lost interest in the space program, and sold the rights to the shuttle to a small American company called NASA. He married the bearded woman, only to find that she was really a nigerian scammer called Bill Gates in disguise.
Finestrism
They founded a new religion, Finestrism, or the irrational belief that one can accomplish any task using windows. Their beginnings were very hard, as most of their followers didn't understand well the message and kept jumping through the window in hope of achieving enlightment, ethernal life or solitaire. But they eventually made a lot of money fixing clepsydras for the Year00 bug that had been discovered in windows95BC.
Ramses II died of the rabies in 1998 when he couldn't turn off the office helper. His body was mummified in the hope that the advances in medicine of the future will someday make him live again. His disconsolate widow low-level formatted his hard drive and installed XP.
by kodiac1 July 06, 2006
Get the Ramses II mug.Jesus Christ Superstar was a 1972 musical co-written by Mel Gibson and Jesus Christ himself. Gibson wrote much of the music, while Christ wrote the script.
Gibson and Christ got the basic idea for the musical while on drink/drug binge in Tijuana, Mexico. While intoxicated on codeine, marijuana, cheap tequila, and crack cocaine, Contrary to popular belief, crack wasn't invented by the CIA in the 1980s to keep black people down. Gibson first synthasized it in 1967, then distributed it himself for the same purposes Gibson blurted that he wanted to make a musical about the life of the Christ. Gibson forgot his idea in the morning, as he passed out in a Tijuana jail, but Christ remembered. Gibson, at first, was opposed to his own idea, but upon learning of his approxomatley $20,000 debt to Mexican drug kingpins he quickly signed on to the project.
Gibson wrote all of the music for the play in less than three weeks. It took Christ more than two months to write lyrics, which began to frustrate Mel. When Gibson saw the plot, he thought of it as an overy pompous representation of hubris, and told Jesus that if He didn't change it, he would leave the project. He loved Christ, but not that much.
Gibson fufilled his promise, quitting the project. In a fit of rage, he drafted his hit movie The Passion of the Christ as an attack against his ex-partner. As opposed to the flattering play he and Jesus co-wrote, The Passion pretty much showed Christ getting His ass kicked up and down the block for two straight hours.
Jesus Christ Superstar was a huge critical success, but the general public was unable to appreciate the work. The failure of the play started a chain of events, Jesus spent the rest of his life in bitter desperation, struggling with substance abuse, an addiction to pornography, and backstabbing Jews trying to nail him to a 2x4.
It was really John Lennon's boisterous comments that did him in though, when the Romans came to get him, his heart just wasn't in it.
Gibson and Christ got the basic idea for the musical while on drink/drug binge in Tijuana, Mexico. While intoxicated on codeine, marijuana, cheap tequila, and crack cocaine, Contrary to popular belief, crack wasn't invented by the CIA in the 1980s to keep black people down. Gibson first synthasized it in 1967, then distributed it himself for the same purposes Gibson blurted that he wanted to make a musical about the life of the Christ. Gibson forgot his idea in the morning, as he passed out in a Tijuana jail, but Christ remembered. Gibson, at first, was opposed to his own idea, but upon learning of his approxomatley $20,000 debt to Mexican drug kingpins he quickly signed on to the project.
Gibson wrote all of the music for the play in less than three weeks. It took Christ more than two months to write lyrics, which began to frustrate Mel. When Gibson saw the plot, he thought of it as an overy pompous representation of hubris, and told Jesus that if He didn't change it, he would leave the project. He loved Christ, but not that much.
Gibson fufilled his promise, quitting the project. In a fit of rage, he drafted his hit movie The Passion of the Christ as an attack against his ex-partner. As opposed to the flattering play he and Jesus co-wrote, The Passion pretty much showed Christ getting His ass kicked up and down the block for two straight hours.
Jesus Christ Superstar was a huge critical success, but the general public was unable to appreciate the work. The failure of the play started a chain of events, Jesus spent the rest of his life in bitter desperation, struggling with substance abuse, an addiction to pornography, and backstabbing Jews trying to nail him to a 2x4.
It was really John Lennon's boisterous comments that did him in though, when the Romans came to get him, his heart just wasn't in it.
"This was the musical that made me want to go into writing plays. Oh, well, this and RENT, but still."
~ Oscar Wilde on Jesus Christ Superstar
~ Oscar Wilde on Jesus Christ Superstar
by kodiac1 July 06, 2006
Get the Jesus Christ Superstar mug.Gun. You know, barrel, trigger, bullet, bang bang you're dead. guns are the cat's best friend
Well known fact: guns don't kill people, flaming shoulder pads kill people. Often times with guns. Unless the Gun misfires, killing the shooter, in which case, yes, guns do kill people.
Well, the gun helps.
This fact was tested scientifically by the Royal Society in 1701, and they discovered that in fact bullets kill people most of the time, and guns kill people if you smack them upside the head with them.
Fuck, my head hurts. Just shoot me now.
There are some cases also, in which you may have a friend called Gun that does not like you very much. But that's part of life anyway... and Son of a Gun isn't very nice at times either.
The gun consists of three principal components: the barrel, the projectile and the propellant. The propellant is a rapidly expanding substance which forces the bullet down the barrel and towards the intended target. The shooter must be sure to never mess up (like firing the barrel by holding the propellant or by manually pushing the bullets through the barrel to push the propellant).
On leaving the barrel the bullet causes a supersonic shock wave to be emitted which propagates towards the victim, causing distraction. Often, guns are fitted with noise-enhancing devices to increase this effect.
The modern firearm is equipped with a spark chamber, designed to produce muzzle flash. This is to allow guns to be used as ad-hoc flashlights in darkened areas by repeated firing. The flash also acts to scare and unnerve the victim. In fact, in the early days of photography before the invention of the flashbulb, photographs were illuminated by the discharge of a large cannon. This made the photographer amongst the deadliest of professions.
Post-modern weaponry, consists of phasors which emit a powerful beam which is enough to cut a loaf of bread into slices suitable for eating by dwarf-humans, Klingons and Bacterium alike. The beam is often colorful, to prevent boredom in between in-ship battles, and to create some random distraction for the enemies to look at.
Guns in Entertainment
Guns are used in many TV shows and movies. They are often used out of context, such as being a soother for a baby, rather than a deadly weapon.
Guns are used in the TV show 24. This is a show about how Jack Bauer runs around killing people with guns.
Ray guns are often used in the show Star Trek, in which the main characters shoot the bad characters. It is widely disputed as to whether their ray guns are accurate portrayal of real ray guns. It should be noted that guns are known to fire metal bullets rather than lasers.
Why do people die from gun?
In Soviet Russia, people kill GUNS!! ~ Charlton Heston, NRA spokesman
Often the shock of a bright flash, loud "bang" and sharp metal projectile travelling at upwards of 300 metres per second can Lead to Psychological effects such as Heart arrhythmia, fainting and Farting. The most common effect is Diarrhea. This is why, in a firefight, the stronger will prevails - weaker shooters (typically terrorists or Imperial Storm-Troopers) will drop like flies from the stress of the experience and the weight of their full underwear, whereas those of a heroic disposition (such as Americans and Jedi) will withstand the nerve-rattling experience and survive.
A commonly held Myth is that bullets penetrating the flesh will kill people. A simple back-of-envelope calculation reveals the flaw in this argument. By modelling bullets as point particles, and people as one-dimensional strings, one can see that the chance of a bullet hitting a person, even in a crowd of thousands, is infinitesimally small. The Truth is that Death from guns is often due to the sheer surprise of being shot at.
That said, being hit by a bullet is a common experience for the clinically obese, and the resulting pain and injury can often result in substantial fecal weight loss.
A study conducted by the university of Scmiillicettittisinndamorghning in wales shows that people who get shot generaly die of some form of leadpoisoning. This awkward result has been classified by several gun toting rightwing trailertrash slobs as trival information, or so says the whitehouse "If them folks are dumb enough to stand infront a speedin bullet. Now ya hear".
_______________________________________
Guns are brilliant tools of illegal death. Murder and Suicide are the best examples. As one of the troops in an Al-Quaida training camp said shortly before shooting herself three times in the head with an AK47 from different angles and then putting the weapons tidily back into the armoury (that part is actually true): "Don't leave me, i've had death threats," which is obvious code for "I am a zombie and will kill myself to please our lord Jesus christ who died for all of our sins." Her Suicide note which wasn't written in her handwriting, leads Scientists to believe she used her zombie Psychic powers to make someone else write it, who coincidentally didn't like her. This is likely inspired by the late JFK's suicide, which involved stabbing himself three times in the back, pissing on his own dead body and throwing himself off a bridge. This is indeed an accomplishment in suicide.
Guns don't kill people. People don't kill people. The bullets and/or the shock of the blast or the person bleeding is what kills them. The gun is blamed because it helps and the person is responsible because they were just around when the person died.
Other countries have varying laws for guns, gun crimes, and gun control.
Guatemala: It is mandatory a gun is given to all babies of 5 months of age and up.
Canada: Canadians are too shy to operate guns. Canada has no gun-related deaths.
Japan: Grenade Launchers are constantly circulated througout this country by the mafia. Dogs must be licensed to own a firearm.
Australia: Guns are banned in Australia, so the government can feel safe that the population won't rise up against them. Knives are preferable.
The United States: There are no guns in this country. Most people will vomit at the sight of them.
New Zealand: Many native species are threatened with extinction, including but not limited to; kiwi, tuatara, moa, proud-mullet-wearing bogans, hobbits and 'real' men. This is the result of Captain Cook introducing firearms to the native sheep in 1770, at the same time introducing women, rambo-style headbands, and a hearty cocktail called "the Wilde Captain" made from seawater, chocolate icecream, and methylated spirits and named after a certain British author. Sheep, usually docile, innocent, cuddly animals went abso-frikkin-lutely postal in a multi-cultural, genocidal, extravaganza, with much "Are you talkin' to me?" and "Do you feel lucky, punk?"ing (sic). Their lush white feathers were stained the blood of their foes for a millenia. All hail our glorious sheep overlords!
Germany: Children commit 97% of gun crimes. A Banana can be purchased at any Mom and Pop adult video store.
Zimbabwe: This highly industrialized nation has made the most advances in laser technology, and keeps guns closely guar
Well known fact: guns don't kill people, flaming shoulder pads kill people. Often times with guns. Unless the Gun misfires, killing the shooter, in which case, yes, guns do kill people.
Well, the gun helps.
This fact was tested scientifically by the Royal Society in 1701, and they discovered that in fact bullets kill people most of the time, and guns kill people if you smack them upside the head with them.
Fuck, my head hurts. Just shoot me now.
There are some cases also, in which you may have a friend called Gun that does not like you very much. But that's part of life anyway... and Son of a Gun isn't very nice at times either.
The gun consists of three principal components: the barrel, the projectile and the propellant. The propellant is a rapidly expanding substance which forces the bullet down the barrel and towards the intended target. The shooter must be sure to never mess up (like firing the barrel by holding the propellant or by manually pushing the bullets through the barrel to push the propellant).
On leaving the barrel the bullet causes a supersonic shock wave to be emitted which propagates towards the victim, causing distraction. Often, guns are fitted with noise-enhancing devices to increase this effect.
The modern firearm is equipped with a spark chamber, designed to produce muzzle flash. This is to allow guns to be used as ad-hoc flashlights in darkened areas by repeated firing. The flash also acts to scare and unnerve the victim. In fact, in the early days of photography before the invention of the flashbulb, photographs were illuminated by the discharge of a large cannon. This made the photographer amongst the deadliest of professions.
Post-modern weaponry, consists of phasors which emit a powerful beam which is enough to cut a loaf of bread into slices suitable for eating by dwarf-humans, Klingons and Bacterium alike. The beam is often colorful, to prevent boredom in between in-ship battles, and to create some random distraction for the enemies to look at.
Guns in Entertainment
Guns are used in many TV shows and movies. They are often used out of context, such as being a soother for a baby, rather than a deadly weapon.
Guns are used in the TV show 24. This is a show about how Jack Bauer runs around killing people with guns.
Ray guns are often used in the show Star Trek, in which the main characters shoot the bad characters. It is widely disputed as to whether their ray guns are accurate portrayal of real ray guns. It should be noted that guns are known to fire metal bullets rather than lasers.
Why do people die from gun?
In Soviet Russia, people kill GUNS!! ~ Charlton Heston, NRA spokesman
Often the shock of a bright flash, loud "bang" and sharp metal projectile travelling at upwards of 300 metres per second can Lead to Psychological effects such as Heart arrhythmia, fainting and Farting. The most common effect is Diarrhea. This is why, in a firefight, the stronger will prevails - weaker shooters (typically terrorists or Imperial Storm-Troopers) will drop like flies from the stress of the experience and the weight of their full underwear, whereas those of a heroic disposition (such as Americans and Jedi) will withstand the nerve-rattling experience and survive.
A commonly held Myth is that bullets penetrating the flesh will kill people. A simple back-of-envelope calculation reveals the flaw in this argument. By modelling bullets as point particles, and people as one-dimensional strings, one can see that the chance of a bullet hitting a person, even in a crowd of thousands, is infinitesimally small. The Truth is that Death from guns is often due to the sheer surprise of being shot at.
That said, being hit by a bullet is a common experience for the clinically obese, and the resulting pain and injury can often result in substantial fecal weight loss.
A study conducted by the university of Scmiillicettittisinndamorghning in wales shows that people who get shot generaly die of some form of leadpoisoning. This awkward result has been classified by several gun toting rightwing trailertrash slobs as trival information, or so says the whitehouse "If them folks are dumb enough to stand infront a speedin bullet. Now ya hear".
_______________________________________
Guns are brilliant tools of illegal death. Murder and Suicide are the best examples. As one of the troops in an Al-Quaida training camp said shortly before shooting herself three times in the head with an AK47 from different angles and then putting the weapons tidily back into the armoury (that part is actually true): "Don't leave me, i've had death threats," which is obvious code for "I am a zombie and will kill myself to please our lord Jesus christ who died for all of our sins." Her Suicide note which wasn't written in her handwriting, leads Scientists to believe she used her zombie Psychic powers to make someone else write it, who coincidentally didn't like her. This is likely inspired by the late JFK's suicide, which involved stabbing himself three times in the back, pissing on his own dead body and throwing himself off a bridge. This is indeed an accomplishment in suicide.
Guns don't kill people. People don't kill people. The bullets and/or the shock of the blast or the person bleeding is what kills them. The gun is blamed because it helps and the person is responsible because they were just around when the person died.
Other countries have varying laws for guns, gun crimes, and gun control.
Guatemala: It is mandatory a gun is given to all babies of 5 months of age and up.
Canada: Canadians are too shy to operate guns. Canada has no gun-related deaths.
Japan: Grenade Launchers are constantly circulated througout this country by the mafia. Dogs must be licensed to own a firearm.
Australia: Guns are banned in Australia, so the government can feel safe that the population won't rise up against them. Knives are preferable.
The United States: There are no guns in this country. Most people will vomit at the sight of them.
New Zealand: Many native species are threatened with extinction, including but not limited to; kiwi, tuatara, moa, proud-mullet-wearing bogans, hobbits and 'real' men. This is the result of Captain Cook introducing firearms to the native sheep in 1770, at the same time introducing women, rambo-style headbands, and a hearty cocktail called "the Wilde Captain" made from seawater, chocolate icecream, and methylated spirits and named after a certain British author. Sheep, usually docile, innocent, cuddly animals went abso-frikkin-lutely postal in a multi-cultural, genocidal, extravaganza, with much "Are you talkin' to me?" and "Do you feel lucky, punk?"ing (sic). Their lush white feathers were stained the blood of their foes for a millenia. All hail our glorious sheep overlords!
Germany: Children commit 97% of gun crimes. A Banana can be purchased at any Mom and Pop adult video store.
Zimbabwe: This highly industrialized nation has made the most advances in laser technology, and keeps guns closely guar
by kodiac1 July 12, 2006
Get the Gun mug.Mind reading is a way to explore the minds of anothers. You have a secret sexual fantasy? Whether it be those divine twins who work in the sandwich shop down the road, or dressing up as Nanamis Gouri and being licked by traffic wardens, just find someone who has done it and suck the experience right out of their brains. Presto, you might as well have done it yourself! Anyone can be a mind-reader, and of course sexual gratification is not the only use it can be put to. Many people, including babies, have learned the skill and use it on a day-to-day basis, although in the case of infants, nobody knows what use they put the knowledge to.
The first mind reading was done by Ron L. Hubbabubba, as a tool for his religion called shitology. Of course there are also people who have learnt it on their own and it has been suspected that Hubbabubba was just seriously drunk and lied about his mind reading experiences.
There are two types of mind readers, who are described below:
Lower rank mind reader
These are the guys you should be afraid of. They just love to read the minds of people right next to them. On a bus, in an airplane, in a whorehouse, everywhere. You ever been sat in a cafe or perusing the dirty parts of the history books in the library when your phone beeps, and someone has sent you some stupid message by bluetooth? Well, imagine the scary looking librarian,(you know the one with the hair lip and support shoes) gazing into your brain while you are pocket fumbling over naked tribespeople in the National Geographic. Be afraid.
Über mind reader
You don't need to be afraid of these guys. Your sexual fantasies are too low rank for these guys. They spend their time trying read the mind of God. They take lots of classes to achieve this kind of power and believe me, they know everything, and if you had had a peek in God's mind, you would too. They all belong in secret organizations, like the Freemasons and McDonalds and you can't really know who is one of them, so suspect everyone.
How to learn mind reading
The question you have all been asking is to be answered now. Yes, you can become one too. One way is to contact shitologists. They will probably remove all your moneyclusters and destroy your life, but so what? At least you believe you can read minds after that. A better way to do this is to contact the nearest mind reading-school in your area. There you will be told all the tips and tricks to mind reading for a small fee - although you don't really need to contact them, for of course, they know you're coming. Is that the doorbell?
And of course there is the self studying route, which is not to be recommended. The easiest way to start it is to go at the nearest bar. There are usually lots of open minded people who are easy to read. Go sit right next to someone, stare him/her in the eyes and listen carefully. Can you hear anything? This is of course quite dangerous. If the guy who you are staring at realizes that he is being probed, he might just kick the shit out of you. Or he might think you want him, and then he'll have sex with you. And think about the failure when you tried to read peoples minds and next morning everybody knows your sexual fantasies and about the mole on your wifes/husbands left buttcheek.
The first mind reading was done by Ron L. Hubbabubba, as a tool for his religion called shitology. Of course there are also people who have learnt it on their own and it has been suspected that Hubbabubba was just seriously drunk and lied about his mind reading experiences.
There are two types of mind readers, who are described below:
Lower rank mind reader
These are the guys you should be afraid of. They just love to read the minds of people right next to them. On a bus, in an airplane, in a whorehouse, everywhere. You ever been sat in a cafe or perusing the dirty parts of the history books in the library when your phone beeps, and someone has sent you some stupid message by bluetooth? Well, imagine the scary looking librarian,(you know the one with the hair lip and support shoes) gazing into your brain while you are pocket fumbling over naked tribespeople in the National Geographic. Be afraid.
Über mind reader
You don't need to be afraid of these guys. Your sexual fantasies are too low rank for these guys. They spend their time trying read the mind of God. They take lots of classes to achieve this kind of power and believe me, they know everything, and if you had had a peek in God's mind, you would too. They all belong in secret organizations, like the Freemasons and McDonalds and you can't really know who is one of them, so suspect everyone.
How to learn mind reading
The question you have all been asking is to be answered now. Yes, you can become one too. One way is to contact shitologists. They will probably remove all your moneyclusters and destroy your life, but so what? At least you believe you can read minds after that. A better way to do this is to contact the nearest mind reading-school in your area. There you will be told all the tips and tricks to mind reading for a small fee - although you don't really need to contact them, for of course, they know you're coming. Is that the doorbell?
And of course there is the self studying route, which is not to be recommended. The easiest way to start it is to go at the nearest bar. There are usually lots of open minded people who are easy to read. Go sit right next to someone, stare him/her in the eyes and listen carefully. Can you hear anything? This is of course quite dangerous. If the guy who you are staring at realizes that he is being probed, he might just kick the shit out of you. Or he might think you want him, and then he'll have sex with you. And think about the failure when you tried to read peoples minds and next morning everybody knows your sexual fantasies and about the mole on your wifes/husbands left buttcheek.
by kodiac1 July 06, 2006
Get the Mind reading mug.Sissies are those sensitive people. They won’t eat meat and they cry all the time. Context is for them.
The relationship between sissies and emos is as follows:
sissies = emo
The evidence is compelling.
If you see a sissy, you should beat the crap out of them. It’s good for them. It makes them tough.
Actually it doesn’t, but it’s really funny to listen to them squeal.
If they try to talk to you, cut them off with a firm, "shut up." If they persist, punch them.
It’s a well-known fact that a good knee-to-the-groin will dissuade even the most clingy of sissies.
The relationship between sissies and emos is as follows:
sissies = emo
The evidence is compelling.
If you see a sissy, you should beat the crap out of them. It’s good for them. It makes them tough.
Actually it doesn’t, but it’s really funny to listen to them squeal.
If they try to talk to you, cut them off with a firm, "shut up." If they persist, punch them.
It’s a well-known fact that a good knee-to-the-groin will dissuade even the most clingy of sissies.
One of the best insults in existence was derived from the annoying qualities of sissies. It goes as follows:
"____ is for sissies!"
Brilliance.
Sissy.
"____ is for sissies!"
Brilliance.
Sissy.
by Kodiac1 December 10, 2006
Get the Sissy mug.Welcome to Buckingham Palace, the biggest playground existing, where even Queen Elizabeth and Tony Blair come to play! Here, your kids and grandparents can enjoy a dive in the bath where the balls connect and the world famous enormous pole of exitement(one of Tony's favourites)! Let's have a quick tour, shall we?
Parking lot
Our parking lot is THE place if you like waiting! We have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! Our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don't fit and dirtroad detours!
The entrance
When you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! You can look at two Buckingham Guards... TOTALLY STANDING STILL! Isn't that amazing, kids!? You can kick them and THEY WILL REMAIN STILL! You can test your new collection of BeyBlades and they will STILL STAND STILL! You can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough THEY WILL REMAIN STILL!!! AMAZING!
The staircases
Now here comes a fun part. When you're inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! You can run up them, run down, you can CLIMB then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! Once you're finished, you can go to the...
First aid room
The first aid room is only 5 miles away from the Parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! Tony Blair will look after you! Be sure to have your buttplug with you, as Tony knows a few tricks!
The Queen's room
Legends and myths are told that there's a secret room inside the castle where Queen Elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. Try to find it, lead us to it and get a FREE* icecream cone!
(*)Only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. It's a hard job, you know...
History Lessons!
In here, you can play several games, like "Kampf" or "Gulf War"! Most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! Some of the history teachers include Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (Only for the war in Iraq. He lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about Iraq, too...)
Parking lot
Our parking lot is THE place if you like waiting! We have one-hundred lazy guards who are willing to tell you bad directions! Our guards also provide badly drawn maps, keys that don't fit and dirtroad detours!
The entrance
When you finally reach the entrance, the fun begins! You can look at two Buckingham Guards... TOTALLY STANDING STILL! Isn't that amazing, kids!? You can kick them and THEY WILL REMAIN STILL! You can test your new collection of BeyBlades and they will STILL STAND STILL! You can even shoot them in the crotch with a 9mm gun, and surprisingly enough THEY WILL REMAIN STILL!!! AMAZING!
The staircases
Now here comes a fun part. When you're inside, there are loads of stairs, covered in red carpet! You can run up them, run down, you can CLIMB then, you can jump off them or break your ankle on them! Once you're finished, you can go to the...
First aid room
The first aid room is only 5 miles away from the Parking lot, so you can take your time and let that ankle heal there! Tony Blair will look after you! Be sure to have your buttplug with you, as Tony knows a few tricks!
The Queen's room
Legends and myths are told that there's a secret room inside the castle where Queen Elizabeth used to do her dirty laundry. Try to find it, lead us to it and get a FREE* icecream cone!
(*)Only available when you have collected all of our tax money for us. It's a hard job, you know...
History Lessons!
In here, you can play several games, like "Kampf" or "Gulf War"! Most of them can be unlocked by succesfully surviving the other games without scratches and maimed body parts! Some of the history teachers include Adolf Hitler, Bill Clinton and George W. Bush (Only for the war in Iraq. He lacks knowledge of all other subject, although we doubt he knows anything about Iraq, too...)
Buckingham Palace is a fun place to go for a typical father-and-son-day! The whole family can enjoy the pleasures of Tony Blair and the old demented whore who calls herself a queen! Have fun, and don't forget the buttplug!
by kodiac1 July 06, 2006
Get the Buckingham Palace mug.