telephoto 

Telephoto is commonly referred to telephoto lenses (or tele), for SLRs and some point and shoot cameras. Telephoto lenses on SLRs could range from the mild 100mm to strong 600mm, or even 800-1600mm, with a teleconverter. Tele lenses tend to be very large, depending on how fast they are and thier focal length. Canon's L-series "white lenses" seen at sporting events are commonly f/2.8 for 400mm, or f/4 for 600mm (there are tons of focal lengths and apertures in between). Common optical problems that plague most teles are vignetting, barrel distortion, Pincushion distortion, and chromatic aberration (also known as purple fringing). Most telephoto lenses, and all fast ones, are very expensive. There are cheap ones out there, like the Nikkor 70-300 f/4-5.6G (which you could easily get for about $170). But if you want a pro quality paparazzi/sports style lens like Canon's 600mm f/4L IS USM, you'll have to invest a little under $9000.

Although expensive, telephoto lenses are really fun to shoot! Sell a kidney!

telephoto by Kodiac1 April 27, 2007

telephoto 

A lens commonly used by stalkers and perverts.

Jimmy was taking pictures of his neighbor undressing with his 1200mm telephoto lens.

telephoto by HMIRE August 26, 2005

telephone ear, telephone elbow, & telephone hand

After a long time on a regular house phone (not a cell phone), the ears, elbows, & hands get so tired from holding the phone they get sore.

That 5~hour phone call sure gave me telephone ear, telephone elbow, & telephone hand making them so very sore.

telephone ear, telephone elbow, & telephone hand by Starchylde May 29, 2016

Talking to God on the big white telephone

Being in such a paralytic state from the mass consumption of alcohol that when you reach the toilet you are usually slumped down hugging the bowl and screaming 'Oh God!' into the shit abyss in between violent bouts of upchuck.

Yeah man, got so wasted last night I ended up talking to God on the big white telephone!

Talking to God on the big white telephone by Top of the vomit August 26, 2009

pink telephone 

Used to describe female masturbation and orgasm as used in the phrase, "I dialed 'O' on the pink telephone."

I was so horny last night that I fired up my vibrator and dialed "O" on the pink telephone.

pink telephone by JohnstonGuy November 27, 2005

Calling Jesus on the porcelain telephone 

The act of clinging to a toilet basin throwing up violently after a heavy night of binge drinking.

So named after the fashion of sticking your head into the bowl and shouting the name of our Lord between spasms.

BLEURGH!!! Oh Jesus, BLEEEHHRRRK!!! Oh Lord, BLOOOORGH!!!! Aw Christ, HUUUUUEEEEEEERRRRGH!!!!! etc

Calling Jesus on the porcelain telephone by ..WiL May 24, 2005

Neon Telephone

When a famous musician writes a song for your band, but it's a terrible song — a la Prince's "Neon Telephone" for the Three O'Clock.

"I thought we'd be famous, but we got a Neon Telephone."

Neon Telephone by Mudd Flaps June 28, 2013