“You should have seen it,” Belinda tells Jack when he picks her up at Sky Harbor. “This douche bag couldn't load Frida and threw a tantrum, ripping off his mask, throwing his phone and storming against the flight attendant.”
“That’s AA Ventertainment!” says Jack blithely. “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Oh,” he adds. “Were there casualties?”
“That’s AA Ventertainment!” says Jack blithely. “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Oh,” he adds. “Were there casualties?”
by Hifalutin! February 06, 2022
Get the AA Ventertainment mug.Panda lost his job, then his apartment, and resigned himself to mama’s den foldout, the smell of her foo young and her Sean Hannity addiction, bravely stocking a minifridge full of nothing but Coors Light and livingwurst from the Polish deli in Yonkers.
“I actually don’t mind livingwurst,” said Tommy, firing up the Weber on his fire escape. “To me, it’s as tasty as the Wagyu I used to love, at a tenth of the cost. I don’t have to do Noom, either, as food of that texture is naturally self-limiting.”
“I actually don’t mind livingwurst,” said Tommy, firing up the Weber on his fire escape. “To me, it’s as tasty as the Wagyu I used to love, at a tenth of the cost. I don’t have to do Noom, either, as food of that texture is naturally self-limiting.”
by Hifalutin! February 03, 2022
Get the Livingwurst mug.“I can still see,” Abra.K.Dabra complained, their eyes atwinkle. “Pass me over the Vegan Volume—stepping out to Club Bahia tonight. I need mascarification – I’d rather be a blind girl, as Etta James had it."
"That was a century ago, said Fifi. "Nude eyes are the thing now."
“I saw Beatrice at Turandot but I didn’t recognize her,” said Extra Ernie. “It looked like two tarantulas had landed on a marshmallow. Then I knew her from her knobby knees and flat chest and remembered how deep she was into mascarification.”
"That was a century ago, said Fifi. "Nude eyes are the thing now."
“I saw Beatrice at Turandot but I didn’t recognize her,” said Extra Ernie. “It looked like two tarantulas had landed on a marshmallow. Then I knew her from her knobby knees and flat chest and remembered how deep she was into mascarification.”
by Hifalutin! March 08, 2022
Get the mascarification mug.“I stuffed them in the bottom drawer when I lost my history post,” Professor Maxx explained grimly. “First the mortgage, then the electric, and then the landscaping bills went into collection. But when Cox turned off the cable, I knew it was time to address the sludge pile. Accredited Debt Relief made it possibly for me to finally diss The Gilded Age.”
“I don’t think they’ll ever run that commercial on TV,” sniffed The Perfect Daughter, relishing the knowledge of her own beefy bank account, paid for by the vanity of her plastic surgery clients. She would never keep a sludge pile.
“The sludge pile is yours,” Dick told Jane emphatically. “Grocery and meal duty are mine, as always. Provisioning is a huge job, so don’t complain. Oh, and child care for Junior? That’s Hilda’s job.”
“I don’t think they’ll ever run that commercial on TV,” sniffed The Perfect Daughter, relishing the knowledge of her own beefy bank account, paid for by the vanity of her plastic surgery clients. She would never keep a sludge pile.
“The sludge pile is yours,” Dick told Jane emphatically. “Grocery and meal duty are mine, as always. Provisioning is a huge job, so don’t complain. Oh, and child care for Junior? That’s Hilda’s job.”
by Hifalutin! February 22, 2022
Get the sludge pile mug.“Titanic!” drones NancyLee. “My grandmaw thought it was sweet, but she was weaned on MTV. Today, we consider the memes. ..”
“Enough from the harumphsquad,” objects Gabriel. “Your grandmaw liked her pickles sour, nothing wrong with that.”
Andy and Mandy dive under the couch and power down their Grand Theft Auto when greybeard mom and pop come in: watch out, it’s the harumphsquad!
“Enough from the harumphsquad,” objects Gabriel. “Your grandmaw liked her pickles sour, nothing wrong with that.”
Andy and Mandy dive under the couch and power down their Grand Theft Auto when greybeard mom and pop come in: watch out, it’s the harumphsquad!
by Hifalutin! February 03, 2022
Get the Harumphsquad mug.It’s not at all okay, but the expression comes in handy when it is socially expedient to give reassurance. Interchangeable with No worries.
The tornado wrecked your house, you suffered a mild concussion and three broken ribs, the dog is missing, and you’re on the phone with your hysterically worried mom. “S’all good, you know, mom, s'all good. We’re all alive, praise God, that’s what counts.”
You come home to find your wife fellating your best friend, a relationship you suspected but didn’t want to confront your beloved about for fear she would get mad and divorce you. You were always a wimp. “S’all good, s’all good,” you say as you tiptoe back out of the bedroom. “No worries. See you later, hon.”
You come home to find your wife fellating your best friend, a relationship you suspected but didn’t want to confront your beloved about for fear she would get mad and divorce you. You were always a wimp. “S’all good, s’all good,” you say as you tiptoe back out of the bedroom. “No worries. See you later, hon.”
by Hifalutin! February 14, 2022
Get the S'all good mug.Place of quarantine.
Mephistopholes remained in his hunkerdown for the rest of the pandemic, emerging only for gingerale, The Wall Street Journal and smoke.
Refusing to go to ground in a hunkerdown, brave Bettina kept her janitorial job at Lincoln Center--which was much easier now that all performances were remote. "My, my," she said later in an oral history of The Covid Time. "Fat cats didn't know if they were coming or going--if I paid 250 a ticket, I'd sure show up for the symphony."
Refusing to go to ground in a hunkerdown, brave Bettina kept her janitorial job at Lincoln Center--which was much easier now that all performances were remote. "My, my," she said later in an oral history of The Covid Time. "Fat cats didn't know if they were coming or going--if I paid 250 a ticket, I'd sure show up for the symphony."
by Hifalutin! February 09, 2022
Get the Hunkerdown mug.