Porch cop said she was bringing over homemade chocolate chippers, but she really wanted to get a look at our entry way.
“GoPuff never sucks,” glowed Brian. “As soon as Irene the porch cop sees the delivery guy drive up, she gives us a jingle to let us know the booze is here.”
“GoPuff never sucks,” glowed Brian. “As soon as Irene the porch cop sees the delivery guy drive up, she gives us a jingle to let us know the booze is here.”
by Hifalutin! January 31, 2022
Get the Porch copmug. “Screw starvation!” yells Oprah (no, not that Oprah). “Screw Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Paleo, Keto, raw, Mediterranean, Noom! I’m on this planet just one time (I think) and I want a bowl of hot fudge sauce decorated by a little dab of ice cream! To be followed a full bowl of sweet, sweet whipped cream. That’s just for starters. I'm saying no to no thank you. I want a thank you portion!”
“MicroAlice,” cooed MacroAlice, bending over the toddler’s high chair at Gordon Ramsay Hell’s Kitchen in Las Vegas, and wielding a small silver spoon. "Would babykins at least take a no thank you portion of strained peas?”
“Mother,” said MicroAlice – and these were her first intelligible words – “I would prefer a trencher of whatever you and my esteemed father are consuming. Osso buco with smashed cheesy garlic potatoes and roasted lemon zest out-of-season asparagus would be just fine, a thank you portion! Don't forget the molten chocolate lava cake.”
“MicroAlice,” cooed MacroAlice, bending over the toddler’s high chair at Gordon Ramsay Hell’s Kitchen in Las Vegas, and wielding a small silver spoon. "Would babykins at least take a no thank you portion of strained peas?”
“Mother,” said MicroAlice – and these were her first intelligible words – “I would prefer a trencher of whatever you and my esteemed father are consuming. Osso buco with smashed cheesy garlic potatoes and roasted lemon zest out-of-season asparagus would be just fine, a thank you portion! Don't forget the molten chocolate lava cake.”
by Hifalutin! February 10, 2022
Get the thank you portionmug. She said she recorded the game for us, but the Suns-Mavs game suffered from sportus interruptus.
The Pack went into overtime but the recording ran out, a coitus interruptus bummer!
The Pack went into overtime but the recording ran out, a coitus interruptus bummer!
by Hifalutin! January 20, 2022
Get the Sportus interruptusmug. Joseph blew off three out of four females he hooked up with. All of them wept, unaware of how chronically ghosty he was. It truly wasn’t any girl’s fault.
“I know I’ll only see you this once,” Mariah grinned to herself as she lubricated Toby. “I’m just as ghosty as you are.”
“I know I’ll only see you this once,” Mariah grinned to herself as she lubricated Toby. “I’m just as ghosty as you are.”
by Hifalutin! February 22, 2022
Get the ghostymug. “Our rendezscrew at Chute Jean-Larose was dope,” says Anne. “We could barely stand afterward.”
“Wow,” said Lloyd. The waterfall was a famous aphrodisiac, he knew, though he was too shy to perpetrate such a romp himself.
“Lucky we stopped afterward at the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupre,” Anne brags further. “We snitched some thrown-off crutches to use in limping home.”
“It’s a miracle you survived,” Lloyd deadpans punnily. “Live to fuck another day.”
“Wow,” said Lloyd. The waterfall was a famous aphrodisiac, he knew, though he was too shy to perpetrate such a romp himself.
“Lucky we stopped afterward at the Basilica of Sainte-Anne-de-Beaupre,” Anne brags further. “We snitched some thrown-off crutches to use in limping home.”
“It’s a miracle you survived,” Lloyd deadpans punnily. “Live to fuck another day.”
by Hifalutin! February 11, 2022
Get the Rendezscrewmug. Seymour came up behind Enid as she stood in front of the mirror and admired her diminished waistline. “Noomesque,” he said with gusto.
“Let’s go to bed,” she assented.
On the phone to Justine in Paris, Polly asked how measuring out her cassoulet was affecting her weight. “Le poids,” you mean,” snickered Justine. “Still positively Noomesque.”
“Panda, you’re the last person I’d think would do Noom,” says JoJo.
“I know,” says The Good One, grimacing, “but intermittent fasting suits my budget, and I will be Noomesque until pops venmo's mama a quid or two.”
“Let’s go to bed,” she assented.
On the phone to Justine in Paris, Polly asked how measuring out her cassoulet was affecting her weight. “Le poids,” you mean,” snickered Justine. “Still positively Noomesque.”
“Panda, you’re the last person I’d think would do Noom,” says JoJo.
“I know,” says The Good One, grimacing, “but intermittent fasting suits my budget, and I will be Noomesque until pops venmo's mama a quid or two.”
by Hifalutin! February 08, 2022
Get the Noomesquemug. “Curtis came through like a tornado, sulking and fuming” said Maddie after Winston finally came out of the ICU feet first , “and you couldn’t say a word without him blowing up.”
Offering scant reassurance, Bruce said “You can’t take it personally, though, he wasn’t mad at you, he was pre-grieving.”
“He was still a little shit,” said Maddie.
"Mom was so staunch when Dad was in hospice." says Rosemarie. "She pre-grieved by completely reorganizing the china cupboard, the linen closet and even the glove box of his Caddie."
Offering scant reassurance, Bruce said “You can’t take it personally, though, he wasn’t mad at you, he was pre-grieving.”
“He was still a little shit,” said Maddie.
"Mom was so staunch when Dad was in hospice." says Rosemarie. "She pre-grieved by completely reorganizing the china cupboard, the linen closet and even the glove box of his Caddie."
by Hifalutin! February 21, 2022
Get the pre-grievemug.