Hifalutin!'s definitions
Porch cop said she was bringing over homemade chocolate chippers, but she really wanted to get a look at our entry way.
“GoPuff never sucks,” glowed Brian. “As soon as Irene the porch cop sees the delivery guy drive up, she gives us a jingle to let us know the booze is here.”
“GoPuff never sucks,” glowed Brian. “As soon as Irene the porch cop sees the delivery guy drive up, she gives us a jingle to let us know the booze is here.”
by Hifalutin! January 31, 2022
Get the Porch copmug. Eliminating the background distractions.
“Denise,” went the text from my boss last Sunday, “when we do the meetup with Amway could you please do a zoom broom on your so-called office -- jettison the vibrators, the pogo stick, the pink silk thingie hanging just on screen. The signed blowup of Bono from ’98 too. We don’t want Chris to think we’re wack. Oh, and could you make sure that snot-nosed Berry doesn’t poke her face in?”
“Shithead,” I replied under my breath, “It’s not Zoom, it’s WebEx. It's not Berry, it's Valley. Plus, I only accept texted managerial counsel of under 10 words.”
To prep for the interview (for the job he didn’t even want, but it would pay for tacos) Panda did a quick zoom broom in the study he “shared” with mama, backlighting the Mac and taking down the hanging hooked rug depicting a bald eagle descending upon a Hudson River ice floe. Darn these Zoom gigs, he thought, feeling pretty sure he’d have to shave his soul patch.
“Shithead,” I replied under my breath, “It’s not Zoom, it’s WebEx. It's not Berry, it's Valley. Plus, I only accept texted managerial counsel of under 10 words.”
To prep for the interview (for the job he didn’t even want, but it would pay for tacos) Panda did a quick zoom broom in the study he “shared” with mama, backlighting the Mac and taking down the hanging hooked rug depicting a bald eagle descending upon a Hudson River ice floe. Darn these Zoom gigs, he thought, feeling pretty sure he’d have to shave his soul patch.
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
Get the Zoom broommug. Brian took a sip and set his cup down by his chair. He cleared his throat. “Could I get a bit more milk for this?” he queried coffee freak Samantha. “Or some more hot water to dilute it?”
Coffeeshamed again. Then again, Brian was from Tampa.
“They sold me a bag of Komodo Dragon beans by mistake at Starbucks,” fumed Angie, speeding to her home in Appleton Wisconsin. “I wanted Verona! And I’m having the inlaws over for brunch. That stuff is high-fidelity. I know I’ll be coffeeshamed.
Coffeeshamed again. Then again, Brian was from Tampa.
“They sold me a bag of Komodo Dragon beans by mistake at Starbucks,” fumed Angie, speeding to her home in Appleton Wisconsin. “I wanted Verona! And I’m having the inlaws over for brunch. That stuff is high-fidelity. I know I’ll be coffeeshamed.
by Hifalutin! February 21, 2022
Get the Coffeeshamedmug. “Show your belly,” Josefa advises Cheyenne. “Your boss sucks prunes, and that won’t change. Make her think you’re weak and she won’t know what hit her later.”
“But I’m scared,” says Cheyenne. “Who knows what will happen.”
“You will fool her,” reassures Josefa. “You are boss. In showing your belly you will fend off her attack. Go forth and prosper, as some guy said.”
“But I’m scared,” says Cheyenne. “Who knows what will happen.”
“You will fool her,” reassures Josefa. “You are boss. In showing your belly you will fend off her attack. Go forth and prosper, as some guy said.”
by Hifalutin! February 14, 2022
Get the show your bellymug. "Later, Joseph would recall not only the hardships but the small things, the lollipops and mask smiles."
"I used to like flying until it became all slip n sips and mask smiles."
"I used to like flying until it became all slip n sips and mask smiles."
by Hifalutin! January 28, 2022
Get the mask smilesmug. “Everything is absolutely cuppacetic,” swoons Cubby to au pair Natasha from the second Starbucks on the block, his IPhone engrimed with chocochip-scone crumbs. “I’m dead wired on triple green molto frappes. Be home in a few, put Jacob to bed—ta-ta!”
“Cuppacetic!” said Rune, his mania aflame. “I love this place!”
“Get your hand out of my sweater and quaff your quad, you dirty hound,” was the only retort that came to Mamie’s mind.
“Cuppacetic!” said Rune, his mania aflame. “I love this place!”
“Get your hand out of my sweater and quaff your quad, you dirty hound,” was the only retort that came to Mamie’s mind.
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the Cuppaceticmug. “You should have seen it,” Belinda tells Jack when he picks her up at Sky Harbor. “This douche bag couldn't load Frida and threw a tantrum, ripping off his mask, throwing his phone and storming against the flight attendant.”
“That’s AA Ventertainment!” says Jack blithely. “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Oh,” he adds. “Were there casualties?”
“That’s AA Ventertainment!” says Jack blithely. “It’s not the first time and it won’t be the last. Oh,” he adds. “Were there casualties?”
by Hifalutin! February 6, 2022
Get the AA Ventertainmentmug.