Hifalutin!'s definitions
“I look into his eyes and see vast oceans,” says Panda. “It’s like an amazing, endless stomach ache. I can’t sleep. It is truly The Sauce.”
“Sounds like J.M.W. Turner and a case of indigestion,” grumbles Mouse, a virtual stranger to losing his head over womxn – well there was the sprite back in Fresh Air Fund camp, but that was only a preteen fantasy. You be safe now.”
64-year-old Maggie has embarked on a virtual quest for a young stud. In 90 days, she has connected with a dozen guys on eHarmony and all of them say they are ready for an adventure with an older woman, particularly a "well-stocked lady" such as herself who wants to “spoil a guy”. Too bad because what Maggie secretly longs for is The Sauce.
“Sounds like J.M.W. Turner and a case of indigestion,” grumbles Mouse, a virtual stranger to losing his head over womxn – well there was the sprite back in Fresh Air Fund camp, but that was only a preteen fantasy. You be safe now.”
64-year-old Maggie has embarked on a virtual quest for a young stud. In 90 days, she has connected with a dozen guys on eHarmony and all of them say they are ready for an adventure with an older woman, particularly a "well-stocked lady" such as herself who wants to “spoil a guy”. Too bad because what Maggie secretly longs for is The Sauce.
by Hifalutin! March 9, 2022
Get the The Sauce mug.“I can still see,” Abra.K.Dabra complained, their eyes atwinkle. “Pass me over the Vegan Volume—stepping out to Club Bahia tonight. I need mascarification – I’d rather be a blind girl, as Etta James had it."
"That was a century ago, said Fifi. "Nude eyes are the thing now."
“I saw Beatrice at Turandot but I didn’t recognize her,” said Extra Ernie. “It looked like two tarantulas had landed on a marshmallow. Then I knew her from her knobby knees and flat chest and remembered how deep she was into mascarification.”
"That was a century ago, said Fifi. "Nude eyes are the thing now."
“I saw Beatrice at Turandot but I didn’t recognize her,” said Extra Ernie. “It looked like two tarantulas had landed on a marshmallow. Then I knew her from her knobby knees and flat chest and remembered how deep she was into mascarification.”
by Hifalutin! March 8, 2022
Get the mascarification mug.“Awww,” says Panda. “Surely I qualify for pandemic props. I sang Yankee Doodle while scrubbing my hands, I sanitized all the Amazon packages, I traded my handmade cloth mask for a KN95, I swore off the multiplex, I barricaded my door…”
“Yes, Good One,” says Mouse. “You were virtuous. But you only baked bread that one time, and you didn’t master the technique Francaise.”
“Mama always bakes the paratha!” protests Panda. “You know that.”
"Maybe when the next SARS rolls around," says Mouse, "you'll have your opportunity to shine."
“Yes, Good One,” says Mouse. “You were virtuous. But you only baked bread that one time, and you didn’t master the technique Francaise.”
“Mama always bakes the paratha!” protests Panda. “You know that.”
"Maybe when the next SARS rolls around," says Mouse, "you'll have your opportunity to shine."
by Hifalutin! March 6, 2022
Get the pandemic props mug.“They’re still working with Leo on his toileting – it’s about time, he’s entering kindeegarden soon!” said Grandmaw, “ – so we were happy when the tike left us a nice casserole in the powder room w.c.”
“I thought I smelled something,” said Kath.
“No, that’s the venison stew,” said Grandmaw. “Soup’s on soon.”
Her homeys consigned Beatrice to the garret of Delta Sigma Theta, which had a private bath. When she protested, she was told that her casseroles were too fragrant for the shared space below.
“I thought I smelled something,” said Kath.
“No, that’s the venison stew,” said Grandmaw. “Soup’s on soon.”
Her homeys consigned Beatrice to the garret of Delta Sigma Theta, which had a private bath. When she protested, she was told that her casseroles were too fragrant for the shared space below.
by Hifalutin! March 6, 2022
Get the Casserole mug.“I used to be overmedicated, lithium, Wellbutrin, benzo’s up the wazoo,” drawls Gigantor as he lolls back in the well-worn hammock. “But I dropped all that. I find that staying wasted on Durban poison and Cuervo-and-fresh-squeezed-lime margaritas fixes me up fine with fewer side effects. The joys of overselfmedication.”
When Charles arrived to pick Shi’diqua up for the gig, he found the lass indacouch as always. “You’re so overmedicated,” Charles said condescendingly.
“Baby,” Shi’diqua murmured, wishing Charles would get dopesick for once. He had gone so vanilla since Wesleyan. “Just overselfmedication. Can I fix you a dirty martini—or two—before we launch outta here? There’s time for a toot, too. I just cleaned a quarter.”
When Charles arrived to pick Shi’diqua up for the gig, he found the lass indacouch as always. “You’re so overmedicated,” Charles said condescendingly.
“Baby,” Shi’diqua murmured, wishing Charles would get dopesick for once. He had gone so vanilla since Wesleyan. “Just overselfmedication. Can I fix you a dirty martini—or two—before we launch outta here? There’s time for a toot, too. I just cleaned a quarter.”
by Hifalutin! February 23, 2022
Get the Overselfmedication mug.Joseph blew off three out of four females he hooked up with. All of them wept, unaware of how chronically ghosty he was. It truly wasn’t any girl’s fault.
“I know I’ll only see you this once,” Mariah grinned to herself as she lubricated Toby. “I’m just as ghosty as you are.”
“I know I’ll only see you this once,” Mariah grinned to herself as she lubricated Toby. “I’m just as ghosty as you are.”
by Hifalutin! February 22, 2022
Get the ghosty mug.“I stuffed them in the bottom drawer when I lost my history post,” Professor Maxx explained grimly. “First the mortgage, then the electric, and then the landscaping bills went into collection. But when Cox turned off the cable, I knew it was time to address the sludge pile. Accredited Debt Relief made it possibly for me to finally diss The Gilded Age.”
“I don’t think they’ll ever run that commercial on TV,” sniffed The Perfect Daughter, relishing the knowledge of her own beefy bank account, paid for by the vanity of her plastic surgery clients. She would never keep a sludge pile.
“The sludge pile is yours,” Dick told Jane emphatically. “Grocery and meal duty are mine, as always. Provisioning is a huge job, so don’t complain. Oh, and child care for Junior? That’s Hilda’s job.”
“I don’t think they’ll ever run that commercial on TV,” sniffed The Perfect Daughter, relishing the knowledge of her own beefy bank account, paid for by the vanity of her plastic surgery clients. She would never keep a sludge pile.
“The sludge pile is yours,” Dick told Jane emphatically. “Grocery and meal duty are mine, as always. Provisioning is a huge job, so don’t complain. Oh, and child care for Junior? That’s Hilda’s job.”
by Hifalutin! February 22, 2022
Get the sludge pile mug.