52 definitions by Hifalutin!
“Wow,” Panda says, glued to the ice dancing in Beijing. “Digging the crotchspin.”
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
“Ahh, Good One,” sneers mama, who loves to abuse Panda’s street name. “The closest you came to a skate was Sugar Pond Warming Hut in 1990.”
Right, daydreams Panda. That bitchin’ Brian Maleski, he knew his way around a crotchspin. The ice was hard too.
by Hifalutin! February 8, 2022
Detta swung her foomfy pillows over the side and got up to face another day. Robert Crumb watched approvingly, setting the needle down on his morning Elmore James selection (original, not remastered) before padding back to bed. “The Sky Is Crying” was all he had now, that and Detta’s thighs.
“Rad barrels, bro,” says Caleb, shaking droplets from his hair and holding aloft his longboard at Maverick's.
“Later,” says cousin Om, "Can’t hear you.” Eyes glomming onto the wenches ranged across the sand.
“You always were a thigh bloke,” says Caleb. “When will you wake up to good old fashioned T and A?”
“Them’s my father’s trip,” says Om. “I prefer the pillows.”
“Rad barrels, bro,” says Caleb, shaking droplets from his hair and holding aloft his longboard at Maverick's.
“Later,” says cousin Om, "Can’t hear you.” Eyes glomming onto the wenches ranged across the sand.
“You always were a thigh bloke,” says Caleb. “When will you wake up to good old fashioned T and A?”
“Them’s my father’s trip,” says Om. “I prefer the pillows.”
by Hifalutin! February 10, 2022
Seymour came up behind Enid as she stood in front of the mirror and admired her diminished waistline. “Noomesque,” he said with gusto.
“Let’s go to bed,” she assented.
On the phone to Justine in Paris, Polly asked how measuring out her cassoulet was affecting her weight. “Le poids,” you mean,” snickered Justine. “Still positively Noomesque.”
“Panda, you’re the last person I’d think would do Noom,” says JoJo.
“I know,” says The Good One, grimacing, “but intermittent fasting suits my budget, and I will be Noomesque until pops venmo's mama a quid or two.”
“Let’s go to bed,” she assented.
On the phone to Justine in Paris, Polly asked how measuring out her cassoulet was affecting her weight. “Le poids,” you mean,” snickered Justine. “Still positively Noomesque.”
“Panda, you’re the last person I’d think would do Noom,” says JoJo.
“I know,” says The Good One, grimacing, “but intermittent fasting suits my budget, and I will be Noomesque until pops venmo's mama a quid or two.”
by Hifalutin! February 9, 2022
You know it and they know it, and everyone thinks it's fine, but the closet is still a deep, comfortable place.
Mickey the fauxmosexual, divorced with a grown son, still flies to the Big Apple from Elk Horn four times a year to see the Broadway shows, stay at the 14th Street Y and spend long hours “chatting with my favorite bartenders.” Creams over Mariah and Mendelssohn interchangeably.
“Sissy Oliphant has been known to date men,” I told my bestie quizzically, “but she has moved from pad to pad with the same woman since she graduated from Barnard a decade ago and still throws Ellen theme parties; don’t tell me she’s not a fauxmosexual.”
“Sissy Oliphant has been known to date men,” I told my bestie quizzically, “but she has moved from pad to pad with the same woman since she graduated from Barnard a decade ago and still throws Ellen theme parties; don’t tell me she’s not a fauxmosexual.”
by Hifalutin! February 3, 2022
Brian took a sip and set his cup down by his chair. He cleared his throat. “Could I get a bit more milk for this?” he queried coffee freak Samantha. “Or some more hot water to dilute it?”
Coffeeshamed again. Then again, Brian was from Tampa.
“They sold me a bag of Komodo Dragon beans by mistake at Starbucks,” fumed Angie, speeding to her home in Appleton Wisconsin. “I wanted Verona! And I’m having the inlaws over for brunch. That stuff is high-fidelity. I know I’ll be coffeeshamed.
Coffeeshamed again. Then again, Brian was from Tampa.
“They sold me a bag of Komodo Dragon beans by mistake at Starbucks,” fumed Angie, speeding to her home in Appleton Wisconsin. “I wanted Verona! And I’m having the inlaws over for brunch. That stuff is high-fidelity. I know I’ll be coffeeshamed.
by Hifalutin! February 21, 2022
“I’m sorry you had to wait on that frigid corner,” I told Tobee again when we were home in our warm drop seats. “I said East Second street, you heard East Seventh. It was a maskmuffle.”
“If you invoke the maskmuffle excuse one more time,” Tobee said, “I will pour this mulled cider on your wig!”
Sweetums-Angelica didn’t know if her dear old mother ignored her when she directed her to put the cow’s milk in the SubZero, or if it was just another case of mask muffle.
“If you invoke the maskmuffle excuse one more time,” Tobee said, “I will pour this mulled cider on your wig!”
Sweetums-Angelica didn’t know if her dear old mother ignored her when she directed her to put the cow’s milk in the SubZero, or if it was just another case of mask muffle.
by Hifalutin! February 5, 2022
“Curtis came through like a tornado, sulking and fuming” said Maddie after Winston finally came out of the ICU feet first , “and you couldn’t say a word without him blowing up.”
Offering scant reassurance, Bruce said “You can’t take it personally, though, he wasn’t mad at you, he was pre-grieving.”
“He was still a little shit,” said Maddie.
"Mom was so staunch when Dad was in hospice." says Rosemarie. "She pre-grieved by completely reorganizing the china cupboard, the linen closet and even the glove box of his Caddie."
Offering scant reassurance, Bruce said “You can’t take it personally, though, he wasn’t mad at you, he was pre-grieving.”
“He was still a little shit,” said Maddie.
"Mom was so staunch when Dad was in hospice." says Rosemarie. "She pre-grieved by completely reorganizing the china cupboard, the linen closet and even the glove box of his Caddie."
by Hifalutin! February 21, 2022