Curtis Claymore's definitions

Cartesian Cesspit

When an inexperienced man can't find the right hole on a woman and ends up in the backdoor.

Bro, I hate to admit it, but she was my first time, and I accidentally pulled a full Cartesian Cesspit on her. I'm so ashamed.

by Curtis Claymore April 15, 2025

Saharan Skiing Accident

When insufficient foreplay forces the man's member to skid dryly across a shaved nether region, resulting in rug burn.

Bro, I don't think she was too into me. We started fooling around, but she gave me a Saharan Skiing Accident. It's red as hell.

by Curtis Claymore April 15, 2025

Chicago Freestyle Bandit

When a male urinates inside his partner.

Bro, I had like six liters of beer before we got to it. I had to go so bad, I accidentally became the Chicago Freestyle Bandit. I wonder if she'll want to see me again.

by Curtis Claymore April 15, 2025

Alabama Crab Bucket

When, in an effort to remove genital lice, one or both parties shave their pubes into a sink, bucket, or other vessel, then light the contents on fire and use bodily fluids to put out the fire.

Bro, she wouldn't get with me last night until I performed an Alabama Crab Bucket. She wanted to see for herself to make sure everything was cool down there.

by Curtis Claymore May 20, 2025

Chinese Dog Paddle

When a person is doing their partner from behind, goes to slap their partner's ass, misses, and strikes them on the back of the head instead.

Bro, it was awful. I was having such a good time that I went for an ass slap and ended with a Chinese Dog Paddle. ...Hey, bro, where you going?

by Curtis Claymore April 15, 2025

Croatian Frost Patty

When having sex outdoors in the cold and the male partner's ejaculate hits the ground and freezes solid.

Bro, we did it outside for like two hours, even though it was freezing. We left a huge Croatian Frost Patty out there. Maybe a few, actually. Better watch where you step!

by Curtis Claymore April 15, 2025

Aspirated Aardvark

When a male partner climaxes in his partner’s throat and the partner chokes on the ejaculate, proceeding to cough violently, spewing gobs all over the place.

Bro, I didn't mean to give her an Aspirated Aardvark. The BJ was just too good to resist.

by Curtis Claymore April 15, 2025