Definitions by Uncle Dimma
pigs and cows don't fly
a phrase used to mean "normal and civilized (however one defines these words) people don't behave the way you do.
a boy, after having been to physical science class in elementary school and having learnt the basics of what electricity is, comes home and tries putting scissors in the kitchen plug.
His mother starts screaming at him:
mother: is this f-sag you twit? what are you doing, you'll create sparks and burn the damn house down. Pigs and cows don't fly. Go to your room now. She then takes a broom and starts chasing him around the house.
son: I can attach balloons to anything i want, (turn anything I want into a fad or trend) no?
His mother starts screaming at him:
mother: is this f-sag you twit? what are you doing, you'll create sparks and burn the damn house down. Pigs and cows don't fly. Go to your room now. She then takes a broom and starts chasing him around the house.
son: I can attach balloons to anything i want, (turn anything I want into a fad or trend) no?
pigs and cows don't fly by Uncle Dimma February 28, 2012
a parking ticket
a Roman Catholic family in a mainly WASP (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) neighborhood comes home from church to find the words "alieni ite domum" (latin phrase meaning strangers go home/strangers are not welcome" scratched into their front door.
the father, upon seeing this, says: ah those Confederists again. What a parking ticket. I guess we'll just have to repair the damage, maybe even repaint the door.
the father, upon seeing this, says: ah those Confederists again. What a parking ticket. I guess we'll just have to repair the damage, maybe even repaint the door.
a parking ticket by Uncle Dimma February 28, 2012
eat your brocoli
eat your brocoli
used instead of the phrase "don't ask too many stupid/irrelevant questions and just do as you are told".
used instead of the phrase "don't ask too many stupid/irrelevant questions and just do as you are told".
a boy, eating brocoli for breakfast, ask his dad:
boy: dad, why do i have to go to class?
dad: because it's fun, James. And, please, because I am in a bad mood since yesterday, having gotten a parking ticket, please eat your brocoli. just pick your things so I can take you to your class.
boy: dad, why do i have to go to class?
dad: because it's fun, James. And, please, because I am in a bad mood since yesterday, having gotten a parking ticket, please eat your brocoli. just pick your things so I can take you to your class.
eat your brocoli by Uncle Dimma February 28, 2012
eat your own cheese
a nicer, politer, and above all quicker way of telling someone, in that order, to "shut up, get lost, and mind their own business"
two people are in a private conversation and a third person butts in:
person 1 (adressing person 3): who exactly are you and what do you want? and why did you interrupt our conversation anyways?
person 2 (adressing person 3): yo man, sorry, but you are not part of this PC (private conversation). please eat your own cheese and shove off, before we get angry, all right?
person 1 (adressing person 3): who exactly are you and what do you want? and why did you interrupt our conversation anyways?
person 2 (adressing person 3): yo man, sorry, but you are not part of this PC (private conversation). please eat your own cheese and shove off, before we get angry, all right?
eat your own cheese by Uncle Dimma February 25, 2012
to pimp
Emily (adressing her boyfriend): Carl, I just got crucified, since my company is moving overseas. I think we will have to move into the basement of your dad's country place, we can't afford the rent here in the city.
Carl: Listen sweetie, Emily. I am a Martian, and therefore have a solution for you. I was going to pimp you out to my company's secretary and and her rich bastard husband as a cleaning lady, a Cinderella of sorts. Dunno if you'd agree though.
Emily (shrieking): how dare you???. Im, as a Venusian, I think I deserve better.
Carl: Well. I don't get on that well with my dad anyways, and, besides, it's better than living in the basement of his country place, like some rats.
Emily: well, in that case, if you want to pimp me out, I reserve the right to pimp you out as well, roflmfao. (staqrts yelling at Carl): go work in construction, or whatever, now. I want you to nigger, before telling me nonsense.
Carl: Listen sweetie, Emily. I am a Martian, and therefore have a solution for you. I was going to pimp you out to my company's secretary and and her rich bastard husband as a cleaning lady, a Cinderella of sorts. Dunno if you'd agree though.
Emily (shrieking): how dare you???. Im, as a Venusian, I think I deserve better.
Carl: Well. I don't get on that well with my dad anyways, and, besides, it's better than living in the basement of his country place, like some rats.
Emily: well, in that case, if you want to pimp me out, I reserve the right to pimp you out as well, roflmfao. (staqrts yelling at Carl): go work in construction, or whatever, now. I want you to nigger, before telling me nonsense.
to pimp by Uncle Dimma February 22, 2012
craigshook
not to be confused with craigs-hook, this is an offensive term used to describe someone's lover or mistress that, as the name implies, they picked up as a result of a previous craigs-hook, which evolved into an on-the-side (lover or mistress) relationship.
a hard working husband comes home from work, only to find his wife in bed with their friend's teenage son. he then asks his wife:
husband: um,Barbara sweetie, what exactly do you think you are doing? Is Kyle your new craigshook?
wife: no, Adrian. well, yes he is a craigs-hook, since I picked him up on Craigslist and he asked me to decougar him.
husband (adressing the teenager): so you are a mommy-grabber, you bastard? If so, you don't deserve a a craigs-hook with my wife, but a bloody left hook. And you don't deserve to be my wife's craigshook either, since I will now kick you out of my house for ever.
husband: um,Barbara sweetie, what exactly do you think you are doing? Is Kyle your new craigshook?
wife: no, Adrian. well, yes he is a craigs-hook, since I picked him up on Craigslist and he asked me to decougar him.
husband (adressing the teenager): so you are a mommy-grabber, you bastard? If so, you don't deserve a a craigs-hook with my wife, but a bloody left hook. And you don't deserve to be my wife's craigshook either, since I will now kick you out of my house for ever.
craigshook by Uncle Dimma February 22, 2012
left hook
this term can be used to define either one of two concepts:
a) in boxing, a hard, sharp, diagonal punch to your opponent's left side of the face with your left hand, when you are facing them, regardless of whether you yourself are actually right or left handed.
b) when 3 total strangers, a male and two females, sit in a row at a public place such a park bench or a city bus, the male sitting in between the two women, and the guy randomly decides to hook up with the woman sitting to his left.
a) in boxing, a hard, sharp, diagonal punch to your opponent's left side of the face with your left hand, when you are facing them, regardless of whether you yourself are actually right or left handed.
b) when 3 total strangers, a male and two females, sit in a row at a public place such a park bench or a city bus, the male sitting in between the two women, and the guy randomly decides to hook up with the woman sitting to his left.
two gentleman talking at a local bar after boxing practice:
guy a): you really annihilated Tony with that left hook of yours, which I really liked. Where did you learn your left hook anyways?
guy b): from Sherlock Holmes, of course, roflmao. Didn't you know that Sherlock Holmes was a great boxer, with one of the wickedest left hook to be found in Europe in his generation.
guy a): you really annihilated Tony with that left hook of yours, which I really liked. Where did you learn your left hook anyways?
guy b): from Sherlock Holmes, of course, roflmao. Didn't you know that Sherlock Holmes was a great boxer, with one of the wickedest left hook to be found in Europe in his generation.
left hook by Uncle Dimma February 22, 2012