As used by Peter
Cook in his 'One-legged Tarzan" sketch on "Not only ... But Also" in 1971
The scene is a theatrical producer's office (Peter
Cook) and Dudley Moore plays the unidexter.
Peter:Miss Rigby!
Stella, my love! Would you please send in the next auditioner, please. Mr. Spigott, I believe it is.
Enter Dudley, hopping energetically on one
leg
Peter:Mr. Spigott, I believe?
Dudley:Yes — Spigott by name, Spigott by nature. (keeps hopping)
Peter:Yes... if you'd like to remain motionless for a moment, Mr. Spigott. Please be stood. Now, Mr. Spigott you are, I believe, auditioning for the part of Tarzan?
Dudley:Right.
Peter:Now, Mr. Spigott, I couldn't help noticing almost at once that you are a one-legged person.
Dudley:You noticed that?
Peter:I noticed that, Mr. Spigott. When you have been in the business as
long as I have you come to notice these things almost instinctively. Now, Mr. Spigott, you, a one-legged man, are applying for the role of Tarzan — a role which, traditionally, involves the use of a two-legged actor.
Dudley:Correct.
Peter:And yet you, a unidexter, are applying for the role.
Dudley:Right.
Peter:A role for which two legs would seem to be the minimum requirement.
Dudley:Very true.
Peter:Well, Mr. Spigott, need I point out to you where your deficiency lies as regards landing the role?
Dudley:Yes, I think you ought to.
Peter:Need I say with overmuch emphasis that it is in the leg division that you are deficient.
Dudley:The leg division?
Peter:Yes, the leg division, Mr. Spigott. You are deficient in it — to the
tune of one. Your right
leg I like. I like your right
leg. A
lovely leg for the role. That's what I
said when I saw you come in. I
said ‘A
lovely leg for the role.’ I've got nothing against your right
leg. The trouble is — neither have you. You fall down on your left.
etc.
