turtlesnaking

1) verb (colon) the inability to fully expel feces from a rectum due to hydrophobia or other natural/unnatural causes. This differs from constipation as said defication has partially left the anus prior to returning to it's shell

Sorry that I missed church: The chalupa I ate last night, in combination with the multitude of India pale ales already churning in my stomach, unfortunately left me turtlesnaking on the toilet for far too long to make it.