Old Testament: God creates the universe and he sees it and it's serious business, but then Satan pretends to be a snake and trolls Eve, telling her "Apple or GTFO" (cuz she's already showing tits) she chooses the former and then her and her fuck buddy Adam get b& from Eden for being troll bait. Then alot of serious fucking incest occurs and we get the human race (which explains alot, really)
Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler for pwning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis. God lol'd.
Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about God for him to fap to.
New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday, God gave Jesus more cheat codes then he gave Moses, plus the
rcon password for life and some CP.
Later, Jesus became a hardcore ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had God Mode turned on though, so he waited 2 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into lifes server, and laughed at the jews.
After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot Paul wrote an assload of shit about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never fucking said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they're stupid.
The End
Then later, God gets uber pissed about Pharaoh Hitler for pwning the Jews, so he gives Moses some cheat codes for the universe. Moses stages a mass slave runaway and opens the sea so the Jews can run through, closing it behind him and drowning the ancient Nazis. God lol'd.
Some other less important shit happens, mostly composed of a bunch of faggots writing emo poetry about God for him to fap to.
New Testament: God finds Mary sleeping and just sticks the tip in and drops his load. Nine months later, Jesus is born. For his 13th birthday, God gave Jesus more cheat codes then he gave Moses, plus the
rcon password for life and some CP.
Later, Jesus became a hardcore ska punk and trolled the old school jews hard. They got super pissed and permabanned him with a cross and some nine inch nails. They forgot he had God Mode turned on though, so he waited 2 days and hit vid_restart on the rcon panel, came back into lifes server, and laughed at the jews.
After that, 3 more guys tell the same story, then this faggot Paul wrote an assload of shit about sex being evil and a bunch of other stuff that Jesus never fucking said but everybody listened to Paul anyway because they're stupid.
The End
by Hiebsy August 9, 2009
Get the the bible mug.A book written by a bunch of hippies, about 2000 years ago, who were smoking some serious hash at the time. Never actually figured for their text to be taken seriously.
"Hey, Josh, dude, let's put some shit in their about a guy, right?"
"Yeah, rad man, and he can be like... uh, tossed overboard into the, uh, like ocean, right?"
"Cool, and then, like... a giant fish, just like, comes up and swallows him, man."
"AWWWWH, far out man!"
"And he could then, like, chill in the fish for a few days, before it like... spits him back out, you know?"
"Chilled man."
"What should we call this book, yo?"
"How about, like, someting that sounds like Babel."
"Yeah, like the town."
"Only, bib... Bibe.... oh, The Bible!"
"Holy shit man!"
"Yeah, rad man, and he can be like... uh, tossed overboard into the, uh, like ocean, right?"
"Cool, and then, like... a giant fish, just like, comes up and swallows him, man."
"AWWWWH, far out man!"
"And he could then, like, chill in the fish for a few days, before it like... spits him back out, you know?"
"Chilled man."
"What should we call this book, yo?"
"How about, like, someting that sounds like Babel."
"Yeah, like the town."
"Only, bib... Bibe.... oh, The Bible!"
"Holy shit man!"
by Degree7 July 9, 2009
Get the The Bible mug.The Bible isn't even that good, LOTR is a much better fantasy novel. The Bible is quite stupid and contradicts itself a lot. I think a retard wrote it.
by Bloodbath 87 March 6, 2009
Get the The Bible mug.If you want to see the biggest pile of horse shit in the universe, then read the bible. It`s so full of lies and absolute BULLSHIT that you begin to question why so many people have been infected by the disease that is christianity. The bible says you can`t masturbate, that`s bullshit! The bible says you can`t swear, that`s bullshit too. The bible says you can`t be gay, that`s even bigger bullshit!
Don`t read the bible because the bible is shit
Don`t read the bible because the bible is shit
Jack: You should read the bible
Fred: You expect me to buy into that fucking shit?
Jack: It`s not shit, it`s what god wanted the world to be
Fred: well your god can suck my dick
Fred: You expect me to buy into that fucking shit?
Jack: It`s not shit, it`s what god wanted the world to be
Fred: well your god can suck my dick
by JustAnotherSickFuckOnUrbanDic November 26, 2020
Get the The bible mug.1. The world's best selling book. This book is a fictional story with various authors. It's protagonist is named 'God'.
2. A fictional book used as 'proof' in arguments.
3. A book prejudice against Homosexual people.
4. A recipe for war and manual for acceptable murder.
5. The biggest lie in human history.
2. A fictional book used as 'proof' in arguments.
3. A book prejudice against Homosexual people.
4. A recipe for war and manual for acceptable murder.
5. The biggest lie in human history.
Theist: The bible has all the answers.
Atheist: oh, yeah? Who created 'God'?
Theist: No one did. He always existed.
Atheist: Yeah? Now you call yourself smart, right?
Theist: yeah.
Atheist: Okay, you believe that there's an imaginary man living in the sky. That the man can see everything that you're doing every second of your life.
Theist: ...
Atheist: This 'God' loves everyone but is as forgiving as he is cruel. He forgives rapists and murderers but will never forgive homosexuals. This is pure s***.
Atheist: oh, yeah? Who created 'God'?
Theist: No one did. He always existed.
Atheist: Yeah? Now you call yourself smart, right?
Theist: yeah.
Atheist: Okay, you believe that there's an imaginary man living in the sky. That the man can see everything that you're doing every second of your life.
Theist: ...
Atheist: This 'God' loves everyone but is as forgiving as he is cruel. He forgives rapists and murderers but will never forgive homosexuals. This is pure s***.
by jfq June 20, 2008
Get the The bible mug.A book used to control the masses with a false threat and reward system.
See: George W. Bush, mind control
See: George W. Bush, mind control
by The Kryptonian April 7, 2005
Get the The Bible mug.The Bible is a waste of time!
by the last name meadows is gay August 17, 2011
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