soupcan ambush

(noun)
With origins on college campuses, it’s a cash withdrawal system which allows the financially broke student to access fast money by way of placing, generally, 3 unopened soupcans into a pillowcase, finding an unsuspecting lender in a compromised and singular situation, braining them with the soupcan pillowcase, and then once they are dropped liberating them of any and all valuables and cash on their person.

Not only did Jordy invent the soupcan ambush—-he perfected it. I swear to be such a destructive fucker he could load up a few of my cans of soup into his pillowcase, slip off into the night, locate victim he deemed appropriate, drop them, and return back to the dorm in less than an hour with serious bank and the soupcans undamaged.

by Nikki Stixx August 19, 2022

Soup-can ambush

(noun) Nighttime outing and fundraising attempt mainly practiced at the collegiate level by the criminally eccentric type young men almost always of which are of the troublemaker persuasion, with diminished financial opportunities wherein they procure, meaning probably steal several cans of soup—bigger the can the bigger the crack—and these implements are then placed in a pillowcase (also probably stolen). The future felon then takes this crude get-rich-quick device with them out into the night on campus. The hopeful attacker then crouches or lurks in the shadows of campus, oftentimes a parking is preferable, and when he locates a target worthy of dispatching the attacker then springs on their victim striking them with a vicious and powerful blow to the victim’s head with the pillowcase of soup cans. Like gravity the victims falls bleeding and unconscious from the blow. The enterprising bludgeoner then fleeces and rifles through the victim’s person, relieving their victim of any and all monies and valuables of which can be hocked or traded oftentimes for drugs and such.

‘Fuck being broke’ thought Jordy, it was dark outside on campus and it was time to get paid—get paid, as Jordy snatched several cans of soup from his just as cruel and perverted roommate, Nikki, who inquired with a knowing grin, “Where ya going with all my soup in that pillowcase, Jordy, gonna try and take another swing at a smack-down, take -money soup-can ambush?”
“Mind your own business, go play with yourself, somebody’s got to bring home the bacon in this here dorm and you aren’t making any efforts” Jordy spat, leaving with Nikki’s cans of soup in his pillowcase into the night in hopes of braining them by surprise and then relieving them of their cash. Jordy’s palms were sweating.

by Nikki Stixx August 3, 2022