1. Blackout in a moutherfuckin' bottle. At about $2.50 a 40 oz. with an
alcoholic concentration of 10.5 percent , this low-dignity malt beverage is the cheapest, quickest way to exit this dimension next to either butt chugging every Windex bottle in your house or channeling your inner meth head and throwing back some of that blue juice from under the sink.
Tastes like horse pussy and cat shit. Drinking three or more of these in a 12-hour period automatically results in death. Drinking two of these bad boys in that same period results in regretable life decisions that will have your
parents questioning why the fuck they had kids ... and why they didn't abort you via coat hanger.
Disclaimer: if you imbibe this beverage, you might as well dress up like a sailor and take a trip down to your nearest harpoon emporium because when you're a couple of side pockets deep you might nab yourself a Moby Dick or two. But
hey, fat girls need love as well. Just look at
Precious.
As if this couldn't get any worse, a side pocket is also known as a
prostitute who will let you fuck their colostomy hole. To be honest, one too many Side Pockets 40s is probably the motive behind many a
people becoming such dirty barnyard whores in the first place. Just ask
your mom.
2. The official malt beverage of the National Homeless League.
Confucius say
don't drink this shit.
Fun fact, Dewey Cox chopped his
brother in half in the Great Machete Fight of 1969-69 because he was so shithoused off Side
Pocket. DARF!
