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poor man's menses 

1. When a man is a fiend for having sex whilst the woman is on the rag, but cannot find himself a menstruating woman, he secretly squirts ketchup into the woman's vaginal canal before sex.

2. When a man's girlfriend is not on the pill, and he wants to cum inside her when she isn't actually on the rag. He secretly squirts ketchup inside her vaginal canal whilst she sleeps so she wakes up thinking she has her period.
Woman: "My entire reproductive tract is ruined from poor man's menses".

- or -

Woman: "I don't know how I keep getting pregnant while I'm on the rag!"
Man: "Maybe it's all the poor man's menses I've been squirting inside you?"

- or -

Abortionist: "What the hell is that??"
Woman: "Poor man's menses and a week-old fetus?"

- or -

OBGYN: "What the hell is that?"
Woman: "I don't know, but it goes great with french fries!"

- or -

OBGYN: "Damn, this goes well with french fries!"
poor man's menses by scorpionmintred December 28, 2003
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