dick expert 

Micah Chong

I like, know this guy that is a dick expert.

dick expert by fuzzy wuzzy August 25, 2003

near-dick experience 

This is when you come very close to seeing or touching a penis, but the action is sadly cut short before any penetration or interaction makes way.

Sally! George came over last night and I had a near-dick experience, but my religion kept me from doing the deed.

near-dick experience by Near-dick Momma October 29, 2017

Shooting myself in the dick and expecting to survive 

When someone suggests you stop or start doing something absolutely ridiculous that will affect something important to you, like your swag, your family or your life

Jack: Hey Joe, what are you giving up for lent?
Joe: Nothing, why?
Jack: Oh good. Can you give up chocolate with me?
Joe: No man, that's like shooting myself in the dick and expecting to survive

Shooting myself in the dick and expecting to survive by Oh my my July 2, 2015