coloptimize 

To utilize fully a person or thing's attention, time, or resources for a (typically) frivolous purpose.

Tony, hoping to leave work early, instead became coloptimized after his boss asked him to run errands for her.

coloptimize by Mikhail Byrr March 4, 2014

coloptimize 

Coloptimize means completely making someone useless by making them do something else.

"Bob, can you get me a soda?"
"Sorry Jim, I'm coloptimized right now."

coloptimize by Heyzeus Crizto February 22, 2014

The Colostomizer 

The Colostomizer is a particularly sexy motherfucker, specifically with respect to his relative skill at any of a number of competitive endeavors. Whether it be videogames, sports, or pissing contests, The Colostomizer will fuck you up so badly that, once he's done with you, you'll be in desperate need of a colostomy bag (read: your asshole will be loose to the point that you can no longer control when you take a shit).

Jesus H. Christ, The Colostomizer just skullfucked you through your asshole! How does it feel to get sodomized by a freight train?

The Colostomizer by Rapist Wit November 12, 2008

Colostomizer 

Another word for a sex offender. The difference between a colostomizer and a sex offender, is that sex offenders normally target young children. A colostomizer targets older women in the 50-60 year old range. A colostomizer, just like a sex offender could do, may prefer men over women, and may engage in gay sex with the victim(s). A Colostomizer is very hard to find, and almost impossible to catch. After all, you don't find a colostomizer, a colostomizer finds you. Tactics include "The Damsel in the Distress", "This isn't where I parked my car", and the infamous "The Viagra Manuever." A colostomizer usually is pale, prefers a cold environment, and is a raving homosexual.

Also known as a douche bag.

Colostomizer: Hey there young lady! Here, let me escort you across the street.
Grandma: What a gentleman!
Colostomizer: The city is gettin' dangerous, let me escort you back to your home.
Grandma: Well, I suppose there's no harm in that.
(Unknown event(s) occur)
*Gay sex follows with Grandpa*

Colostomizer by FEDER4TION August 29, 2006

Colostomizer 

Another word for a colostomizer is a dirty whore, or a tramp. It is a commonly used term among pimps, such as, when the bitch doesn't have the money for the pimp.

Dat fuckin colostomizer don't have my money again, Ima beat her ass next time I see her.

Colostomizer by FEDER4TION August 19, 2006

Colostomizer 

A male known as a "Colostomizer" is a particularly bad-a motherfucker, specifically with respect to his relative skill at any of a number of competitive endeavors. Whether it be videogames or basketball, a Colostomizer will fuck you up so badly that, once he's done with you, you'll be in desperate need of a colostomy bag (read: your asshole will be loose to the point that you can no longer control when you take a shit).

Man, you just got owned by that Colostomizer! Seriously, it's like a Greyhound bus just drove straight into your asshole and kept on going!

Colostomizer by The Colostomizer September 14, 2008

The Colostomizer 

The Colostomizer is a particularly sexy motherfucker, specifically with respect to his relative skill at any of a number of competitive endeavors. Whether it be videogames, sports, or pissing contests, The Colostomizer will fuck you up so badly that, once he's done with you, you'll be in desperate need of a colostomy bag (read: your asshole will be loose to the point that you can no longer control when you take a shit).

Jesus H. Christ, The Colostomizer just skullfucked you through your asshole! How does it feel to get sodomized by a freight train?

The Colostomizer by Rapist Wit November 12, 2008