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you absolute nut 

1: wow, you absolute nut.
2: I know, i breath.

You Absolute Heap! 

The moment when the "non-heap" can victoriously stand over someone and declare them "an absolute heap"
You Absolute Heap! by Chunderboy October 29, 2010

You Absolute Soggy Flannel 

1: Used generally to call someone an idiot or a bit stupid

2: If you say "you have the personality of a soggy flannel" basically means youre dry asf and you need to have a bit more personality babes xox
1: Youre so bad at obbys, you absolute soggy flannel

2: I was talking to him last night and honest to god he was like a soggy flannel

You fool, you blongus, you absolute utter clampongus 

Say this to someone who did something dumb.
Ben: i touched the orb after being told not to, now I'm in jail.
Jeff: why did you do that?
Ben: idk
Jeff: you fool, you blongus, you absolute utter clampongus.

You dumb fucking cretin, You fucking fool. absolute fucking buffoon. you bumbling idiot, fuck you 

Parents: "Aww! Our baby is finally talking!"

The Baby: "You dumb fucking cretin, You fucking fool. absolute fucking buffoon. you bumbling idiot, fuck you"

You get absolutely no bitches

the person gets no fucking female's and should get some
A fuckboy named Timmy: hahaha you failed.
A n8gga that absolutely gets bitches: hop off my tip you get absolutely no bitches