Turd Cutter Butter
A gooey and almost paste like substance occurring primarily in the undergarments of men, ranging from nearly clear to khaki in color. Generally smooth and creamy, much like your favorite peanut butter and the result of one’s last meal choices. Sort of a shit lube, if you will. Also, the primary cause of Monkey Butt and skid marks, when left unattended.
Ralph had enjoyed a dinner of knackwürst and sauerkraut Thursday evening. The following morning, having only just arrived at the office, he began regretting his menu selections.
He dropped his keys in the hallway and bent over to grab them. The movement must have helped things along, as the result was a loud, trumpeting, fart that echoed through the hallway. Instantly, he knew something was amiss. His shorts were no longer dry, but they weren’t exactly wet either. The consistency of the fart residue was slightly sticky yet had a rather creamy feeling to it.
Upon inspection, he realized his shorts were clean, but his cheerio needed a good wiping and perhaps a final scraping with a rubber spatula. Yes... Ralph had just unwittingly produced a large batch of Turd Cutter Butter... enough to spread over 2-3 slices of toast.
He dropped his keys in the hallway and bent over to grab them. The movement must have helped things along, as the result was a loud, trumpeting, fart that echoed through the hallway. Instantly, he knew something was amiss. His shorts were no longer dry, but they weren’t exactly wet either. The consistency of the fart residue was slightly sticky yet had a rather creamy feeling to it.
Upon inspection, he realized his shorts were clean, but his cheerio needed a good wiping and perhaps a final scraping with a rubber spatula. Yes... Ralph had just unwittingly produced a large batch of Turd Cutter Butter... enough to spread over 2-3 slices of toast.
Turd Cutter Butter by lipshitz May 15, 2020
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