Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii

Pretty much the most ridiculous name ever given to a child, or at least given to a nine-year-old child from New Zealand. A judge ordered the parents to change it so that the poor girl wouldn't have to die a lonely old spinster because nobody wants to touch a girl named Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. That's assuming she even lives that long and isn't brutally beaten to death before sixth grade. In the end the parents lost custody of her, a relatively fitting reward.
Had they been Chinese they would've been shot on sight, little girl included, so they're lucky in that respect.

"Oh my god, what a beautiful baby we have. She's so pure! What the hell do we name it?"
"How about Talula? I saw it on a train station wall."
"That's retarded! What, are you high?"
"Always."
"Oh, good. I was thinking we should name her something with grit and integrity, something like Does The Hula From Hawaii. Our baby's gonna be big, so it needs a big name with at least one state, one article, and definitely one verb."
"Babe, how about we mix the names and call it Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii?"
"That's completely fucking asinine! I love it, I love you!"
"Gimme that birth certificate! Is there a "y" in Hawaii?"

by Histories Mysteries January 25, 2009

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