Smochină Smooch Scale 

First-known documented scale by an Eastern Bloc author (Nichita Smochină of Moldavia) created for men and women courting one another to rate flirting and kissing on a scale of 1 to 9 (Communist belief did not allow for a 10). The original scale was published in 1930 by Smochină's in the anthology, Cunoștințe Utile ("Useful Knowledge").

As the story goes, Smochină was in Paris at the time, and met a young woman who simply could not flirt or kiss. When he tried to explain to his friends how poorly this woman communicated and later smooched, there was simply no language for explaining this problem. That night, Smochină created the famous Smochină Smooch Scale in one draft. Many say he was divinely inspired.

The rating for #1 took off and gained quite a bit of fame internationally. In its original form, it was "Ăsta se sărută ca o sardină rece de la Marea Neagră" (This one kisses like a cold sardine from the Black Sea.) By the time is was used in speakeasies in Chicago, it had been notably shortened to "Ca un peşte rece" (Like a cold fish).

"So, Fred, tell us. How does she rate on the Smochină Smooch Scale?"

Smochină Smooch Scale by ThisWriterWrites September 27, 2024