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Schrödinger's handjob 

When you are asleep and having a wet dream, and you're not sure where it is a dream or whether it's your best mate wanking you off when you're sharing a bed
Ben woke up in pure euphoria and a wet patch, he rolled over to his best friend blake sleeping next to him. His euphoria swiftly turned to shock and exclaimed "oh fuck, I've had a Schrödinger's handjob"
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Schrodinger's Handjob 

When you tittyfuck a girl who has a flat chest so its not really a "handjob" but its also not really a "Tittyfuck"
man 1 - "Bro i just got a great tittyfuck from my girlfriend"

man 2 - "bro your gf is super flat are you sure it wasn't just a Schrodinger's Handjob"