Phantom Testicle Syndrome 

Phantom Testicle Syndrome, or PTS, is a burning, stinging, and overall painful sensation caused in the kidneys after being violently pummeled in the balls by an attacker.

First realized after an unlucky caveman failed to drag an unconscious cavewoman to his dwelling fast enough. She escaped by nailing the brute square in his nuts with a large stone. A genetic predisposition soon developed in the human female. They now do it for fun.

It is believed that the feeling occurs because the testicles were once attached to the kidneys during fetal development. This phenomenon is known in practical medical terms as "phantom limb syndrome," giving rise to its name "Phantom Testicle Syndrome" or "PTS."

The only real relief for the pain, is to stop moving, and assume a fetal position. This remedy is highly controversial sparking disputes amongst doctors, biologists, and psychologists, who really don't count in the matter. Biologists surmise this could be related to the fetal development phase, wherein the fetus is in such a position and the testicles are still connected to the kidneys. Psychologists say that is BS, and the mere thought makes the guy feel better. Doctors kick them both in the balls to see the effects of the remedy.

A very effective test to see if the woman you are dating was once a man. The absence of PTS confirms she was always female. If PTS ensues, you have a transsexual.

Example 1:
Little Jimmy was playing ball with his friend Carl when Katie from next door came over unprovoked and landed a devastating blow to Jimmy's berries. Carl, ran away crying at the sight of Jimmy experiencing Phantom Testicle Syndrome and twitching in the fetal position. Katie laughed at his misfortune.

Example 2:
Phantom Testicle Syndrome is not the name of an indie band, but sucks as bad as if they existed.

Example 3:
Phillip attempted to inflict PTS on Cindy, as he thought she was a tranny, but she did not fall to the floor into the fetal position, and he breathed a sigh of relief.

Phantom Testicle Syndrome by trust_no1 October 6, 2011