Newton Mearns 

AKA "The Mearns"

An affluent (for Scotland) dormitory suburb of Glasgow. Home to nouveau riche, intellectually bankrupt non-entities with delusions of grandeur. Has three high schools, pupils of which aspire to study advanced knitting at Laughside College or socio-cultural analysis of teen vampire fiction with fashion blogging and "business" at Glasgow "Cannae" University.

Often hard working, successful parents find themselves shunned by their children after they fail to affect a Mearnsy accent. The children will, however, still require insurance on the Porche Cayenne and a non-job in the family business.

It also contains much of Scotland's Jewish population, leaving it only 98% white Scottish protestant.

I would never leave Newton Mearns for the West end, full of pretentious snobs. Also, my mother's here...

Newton Mearns by ba-donka-donk June 2, 2011