Middleton's Disease
The psychological condition suffered by many fans of the comic strip 'The Middletons' when Beatrice Middleton is not seen in the strip. Symptoms of this include, but are not limited to: intense sadness, thoughts of 'Where is she?', and most importantly 'Why is she not here?'. This causes much depression. The only known cure is intense exercise or massages using Martian Mud, which is Beatrice Middleton's favorite massage cream.
Beatrice: What's wrong honey? You look sad. I know what it is, its Middleton's Disease, right?
Bryant: Yes, you haven't been in the strip for days. Where were you? I was beginning to think you'd never show.
Morris: Buddy, she can't be in every strip. She's got to have a break once in a while. She's your Gunny Granny, for crying out loud.
Midge: (laughing) You know, he's right. Just because she isn't in the strip doesn't mean she isn't here. (picks up a jar of Martian Mud) Do you want me to use this? You love it when Beatrice does it.
Bryant: A massage? You'd actually give me a Martian Mud massage? Okay, just make sure you go all over my body. That's the best one.
Beatrice: That's one way to cure it. Hey sweetie, there's a soccer game going on later. And I'm coaching it. Want to come?
Bryant: Sure, maybe we could bring Grandpa Hec and Grandma Flo. But would I still be sad if I came?
Beatrice: No, you wouldn't be sad. Middleton's Disease is tough, I know. But you'll get over it quickly. (she starts massaging Bryant with the Martian Mud) There you go, sweetie. Now, isn't that better? I love you, honey. And I always will. A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do.
Bryant: Yes, you haven't been in the strip for days. Where were you? I was beginning to think you'd never show.
Morris: Buddy, she can't be in every strip. She's got to have a break once in a while. She's your Gunny Granny, for crying out loud.
Midge: (laughing) You know, he's right. Just because she isn't in the strip doesn't mean she isn't here. (picks up a jar of Martian Mud) Do you want me to use this? You love it when Beatrice does it.
Bryant: A massage? You'd actually give me a Martian Mud massage? Okay, just make sure you go all over my body. That's the best one.
Beatrice: That's one way to cure it. Hey sweetie, there's a soccer game going on later. And I'm coaching it. Want to come?
Bryant: Sure, maybe we could bring Grandpa Hec and Grandma Flo. But would I still be sad if I came?
Beatrice: No, you wouldn't be sad. Middleton's Disease is tough, I know. But you'll get over it quickly. (she starts massaging Bryant with the Martian Mud) There you go, sweetie. Now, isn't that better? I love you, honey. And I always will. A Gunny Granny's gotta do what a Gunny Granny's gotta do.
Middleton's Disease by Dusty's Baby Powder June 18, 2011
