Metal Hipster
Metal Hipsterism is analogous in behavior to mainstream Hipsterism, only in this case applied to the numerous metal sub-genres instead of indie music. While Metal Hipsters cast disdain on the traditional Hipsters, their love of classifying metal genres has essentially turned them into what they hate.
Classic symptoms you are a Metal Hipster:
1) You hate any band that has achieved any kind of mainstream success. Your favorite term for these bands is "Mallcore".
2) You use at least three adjectives to classify every metal sub-genre. i.e., Finnish Melodic Death Metal, Vegetarian Progressive Grindcore, or Crust Punk Viking Symphonic Extremoganza. You argue the finer points of Extreme Black Deathcore vs. Black Death Extremecore.
3) You are instantly enraged if a random passerby has a fucking clue what you are talking about, and are then motivated to invent a few more subgenres.
Classic symptoms you are a Metal Hipster:
1) You hate any band that has achieved any kind of mainstream success. Your favorite term for these bands is "Mallcore".
2) You use at least three adjectives to classify every metal sub-genre. i.e., Finnish Melodic Death Metal, Vegetarian Progressive Grindcore, or Crust Punk Viking Symphonic Extremoganza. You argue the finer points of Extreme Black Deathcore vs. Black Death Extremecore.
3) You are instantly enraged if a random passerby has a fucking clue what you are talking about, and are then motivated to invent a few more subgenres.
"I despise Lamb of God. Marketing crappy metal to crappy kids with M-16 patriotism. Oh God, I have turned into a lame Metal Hipster!"
"Killswitch Engage isn't even Metal. Their first 2 albums were okay but then they got Howard Jones and I think they moved to Motown Records...Oh God, I have turned into a lame Metal Hipster!"
"The fact that you even think Behemoth sounds anything like, let's say, Underoath or Hatebreed (both can safely be labeled "metalcore"), makes me quite skeptical of your knowledge of metal. If you can manage to put your biases aside for a second (i.e., your personal preference for certain genres of metal, because I know that you have them), please explain to me why it is that you think that bands like Necrophagist and Behemoth are not TDM and blackened death metal, respectively. I honestly would like to know why you don't consider Muhammed Suicmez's playing to be technical and why you don't think Adam Darski's voice qualifies as black metal-sounding. Can you, as objectively as possible, explain why you believe that the one article you posted is correct and that the countless number of professional magazines, music reviews, and metal bands out there that claim that Necrophagist is indeed tech death and Behemoth definitely is a blackened death metal band are wrong and OMG I AM METAL HIPSTER LEVEL OVER 9000!!!!"
"Killswitch Engage isn't even Metal. Their first 2 albums were okay but then they got Howard Jones and I think they moved to Motown Records...Oh God, I have turned into a lame Metal Hipster!"
"The fact that you even think Behemoth sounds anything like, let's say, Underoath or Hatebreed (both can safely be labeled "metalcore"), makes me quite skeptical of your knowledge of metal. If you can manage to put your biases aside for a second (i.e., your personal preference for certain genres of metal, because I know that you have them), please explain to me why it is that you think that bands like Necrophagist and Behemoth are not TDM and blackened death metal, respectively. I honestly would like to know why you don't consider Muhammed Suicmez's playing to be technical and why you don't think Adam Darski's voice qualifies as black metal-sounding. Can you, as objectively as possible, explain why you believe that the one article you posted is correct and that the countless number of professional magazines, music reviews, and metal bands out there that claim that Necrophagist is indeed tech death and Behemoth definitely is a blackened death metal band are wrong and OMG I AM METAL HIPSTER LEVEL OVER 9000!!!!"
Metal Hipster by ether.real April 1, 2010
