first off 

1. First of all

2. A phrase, used by the intolerably unimaginative, to introduce the first of at least two dull, idiotic points in his/her "argument."

Angry moron #1: First off, buddy, you're way outta line. Second--

Some other guy: Sorry to interrupt, but you're putting me to sleep. I'm gonna go home and take a nap.

first off by Bourbon Diction Andy December 7, 2009

first cut them off then flip them off

The phrase is used as advice for impatient drivers (usually impatient, incompetant yuppy sorts in overly expensive cars) who hesitate when a much slower car approaches the intersection (usually driven by an old fart with a handicapped sign on the mirror). If the yuppy waits, he will inevitably be trapped behind the slow old fart for a long time. Thus the advice, "first cut them off, then flip them off" intended to not only offend the other driver by cutting them off, but also to infuriate them by giving them "the bird" immediately thereafter. A totally un-called-for move which is very hilarious, it is also summed up by the phrase, "those who hesitate, wait". Either phrase perhaps best summarizes the attitude of extreme, offensive driving- skills not taught in your average Driver's Ed Class.

"Frank slowed down at the intersection, but when he saw that handicapped sign on the approaching car in the cross traffic, he gunned it without stopping. As the tires squealed around the corner, he rolled the window down and flipped off the cross traffic. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he replied, "first cut them off, then flip them off". Man, Frank is an asshole!"

first cut them off then flip them off by Frank Klaune November 11, 2004

We're going back in time to the first thanksgiving to get turkeys off the menu 

A quote that the red turkey from Free Birds said in which it got popular by Schaffrillas.

That’s right. We're going back in time to the first thanksgiving to get turkeys off the menu.

We're going back in time to the first thanksgiving to get turkeys off the menu by Chukoloco08 November 22, 2022

The truth will set you free but first it’ll piss you off 

In the end it’s better to tell the truth despite what happens because at least you won’t have that burden.

“How am I gonna tell my mom I crashed her truck? She'll kill me!”

“Listen the truth will set you free but first it’ll piss you off. That’s apart of life.”

The truth will set you free but first it’ll piss you off by Joshlerandmel February 17, 2019

Fist off 

If challenged to a fist off: when the music stops while playing musical chairs, look to person to your immediate left and promptly punch them in the butt with enough force to penetrate their anus. The first person to bleed is out. Then Repeat.

I wonder if kids in elementary challenge each other to fist off when they play musical chairs. I also wonder if the teacher participates.

Fist off by xBatman_Unboundx January 7, 2015

first offenders 

A group of minors who have received criminal charges but got off with a warning. Basically the luckiest of all pricks

I don't know how those first offenders did it but they got off on all charges

first offenders by Nickthenigger February 16, 2017

first officer 

When you are second in command to a legend who is the Captain but who very quickly realises that the first officer has total control

I sailed my boat as first officer before quickly becoming the captain

first officer by J_gogo September 19, 2020