Fake Canadian Culture
The so called "fake" canadians, are the current inhabitants in what is known of to the rest of the world as "Canada". They are said to have arrived shortly before, or directly after, the imprisonment of the "real candadians" (see The RCP) who were said to origionally inhabit "Canada"
The "fake canadians" are a war like people, generally dominated by whiskey drinking women armmed with swords (they feel blades to be more intimate then guns, but those are used to), who rise in power through deadly duels, and strategic forced marriages (the men are unusually docile), through which if they are powerful enough, to defeat any challenging matriarchs, they will take over an entire family, and it's wealth. Families are considered property, and like most property the women will duel over it. Property can be taken away at anytime by anyone strong enough to do so, there is no judicial system and most "governing" forces are unconcerned with the general populace. Goverment excluding the Emporer, and clown death squad (talked about shortly) are there more for tourists and show purposes, so there is no legal recognition of ownership.
However, there are a group of people who call themselves police, having got the idea from televison, after obtaining approval by the emporer they commenced the supervison of duels where able, by way of ensuring that at least one combatant is killed, and to enforce drinking laws, requiring every person to consume at least five litres of alcohol per day.
Socially friendships are short lived often ending in the death of one person after some perceived disagreement. In "fake" canadian culture it is paramount to not be preceived as weak, and so crucial to defend with lethal violence when faced with anything that could be thought to be an insult and therefore a challenge. Marriages are more for property aquisition, and status (the marrying and dominating of a foreinger seen to be as especially status boosting), and women are allowed to aquire as many husbands as they please. However like all things if someone sees a woman too "soft" on her husbands, she is often open to attack and cristism, of course resulting in death duels.
The infrastructures, of cities are completely destroyed daily, and miraculously rebuilt, in mere minutes. The "fake" canadians being phoenominal architechts. There is not usually any use or appearence of traffic lights, as there are no traffic laws, these are however hastily put in upon the arrival of foreigners.
The cross is the national sign of whiskey, and is featured on many whiskey temples, whiskey flows from all taps instead of water (these can be rerouted to run water in the event of tourists), it should be noted "fake" canadians are immmune from any of the ill effects of alcohol.
Cars are manufactured without locks or ignition keys since there is no ownership except what you can defend, people will just take and abandon vehicles at will.
The parks are the only places where violence is not perpetrated by people, and an unwritten, and unspoken truce agreement exists, that noone has ever violated. However the unique risk of rabid lions is present. It has been rumoured that the clown death squad fed and continues to feed the once docile lions the bodies of the people they kill, effectivly training them to seek human flesh.
The clown Death Squad origionally said to be a group of rouge socio and psychopathic killers, who escaped prosecution in other countries, convinced the emporer he employed them and continues to do so. They visciously kill any who inadvertantly offends them. They have an unnerving propensity to jump out of cabinets, glove compartments, and other small places, the location of which not confined to "Canada". (see Clown Death Squad).
The "fake" canadians, imitate a reasonable democracy, when ever a tourist is near. Towns and cities are alerted to the presence of a foreinger by a complicated alert system, and then thanks to their phoenominal architechtual, and contruction skills, and where needed the quick erection of screens and sound cancellation technology, they create a "fake, fake Canada" to hide the truth about their society from the world, though the "fake" canadians are unsure of why they do this. Some say the idea to present a different image to the world is really an idea of the evil walrii.
The Mime Army, are the inept, forced military of the "Canada" the world knows. Actually members of a mime guild, they will not speak out about being forced to impersonate soldiers, because of their vow of silence, and the threat of murder at the hand of the Clown Death Squad. In cases where their voices must be heard the evil walrii use sound devices to speak for them, the emporer, and the rest of the "fake" canadaians do not know of the mime army's plight.
The whole of "Canada" is ruled by a self absorbed misogynistic wife-killing emporer, ruling by a weird truce agreement, he is allowed to murder his wives and have a castle, though he generally stays out of personal "fake" canadians' business, and they do not murder him, his duties are limited. Some say the Clown Death Squad came in just in time to prevent him from meeting his end, as most "fake" canadians are not looking to anger the Clown Death Squad.
The "fake canadians" are a war like people, generally dominated by whiskey drinking women armmed with swords (they feel blades to be more intimate then guns, but those are used to), who rise in power through deadly duels, and strategic forced marriages (the men are unusually docile), through which if they are powerful enough, to defeat any challenging matriarchs, they will take over an entire family, and it's wealth. Families are considered property, and like most property the women will duel over it. Property can be taken away at anytime by anyone strong enough to do so, there is no judicial system and most "governing" forces are unconcerned with the general populace. Goverment excluding the Emporer, and clown death squad (talked about shortly) are there more for tourists and show purposes, so there is no legal recognition of ownership.
However, there are a group of people who call themselves police, having got the idea from televison, after obtaining approval by the emporer they commenced the supervison of duels where able, by way of ensuring that at least one combatant is killed, and to enforce drinking laws, requiring every person to consume at least five litres of alcohol per day.
Socially friendships are short lived often ending in the death of one person after some perceived disagreement. In "fake" canadian culture it is paramount to not be preceived as weak, and so crucial to defend with lethal violence when faced with anything that could be thought to be an insult and therefore a challenge. Marriages are more for property aquisition, and status (the marrying and dominating of a foreinger seen to be as especially status boosting), and women are allowed to aquire as many husbands as they please. However like all things if someone sees a woman too "soft" on her husbands, she is often open to attack and cristism, of course resulting in death duels.
The infrastructures, of cities are completely destroyed daily, and miraculously rebuilt, in mere minutes. The "fake" canadians being phoenominal architechts. There is not usually any use or appearence of traffic lights, as there are no traffic laws, these are however hastily put in upon the arrival of foreigners.
The cross is the national sign of whiskey, and is featured on many whiskey temples, whiskey flows from all taps instead of water (these can be rerouted to run water in the event of tourists), it should be noted "fake" canadians are immmune from any of the ill effects of alcohol.
Cars are manufactured without locks or ignition keys since there is no ownership except what you can defend, people will just take and abandon vehicles at will.
The parks are the only places where violence is not perpetrated by people, and an unwritten, and unspoken truce agreement exists, that noone has ever violated. However the unique risk of rabid lions is present. It has been rumoured that the clown death squad fed and continues to feed the once docile lions the bodies of the people they kill, effectivly training them to seek human flesh.
The clown Death Squad origionally said to be a group of rouge socio and psychopathic killers, who escaped prosecution in other countries, convinced the emporer he employed them and continues to do so. They visciously kill any who inadvertantly offends them. They have an unnerving propensity to jump out of cabinets, glove compartments, and other small places, the location of which not confined to "Canada". (see Clown Death Squad).
The "fake" canadians, imitate a reasonable democracy, when ever a tourist is near. Towns and cities are alerted to the presence of a foreinger by a complicated alert system, and then thanks to their phoenominal architechtual, and contruction skills, and where needed the quick erection of screens and sound cancellation technology, they create a "fake, fake Canada" to hide the truth about their society from the world, though the "fake" canadians are unsure of why they do this. Some say the idea to present a different image to the world is really an idea of the evil walrii.
The Mime Army, are the inept, forced military of the "Canada" the world knows. Actually members of a mime guild, they will not speak out about being forced to impersonate soldiers, because of their vow of silence, and the threat of murder at the hand of the Clown Death Squad. In cases where their voices must be heard the evil walrii use sound devices to speak for them, the emporer, and the rest of the "fake" canadaians do not know of the mime army's plight.
The whole of "Canada" is ruled by a self absorbed misogynistic wife-killing emporer, ruling by a weird truce agreement, he is allowed to murder his wives and have a castle, though he generally stays out of personal "fake" canadians' business, and they do not murder him, his duties are limited. Some say the Clown Death Squad came in just in time to prevent him from meeting his end, as most "fake" canadians are not looking to anger the Clown Death Squad.
Fake Canadian Culture by James Dracon February 22, 2008
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